Among Friends

[AuntG]

Don't feel too bad.I'd just be happy the project is getting done.

[rms1954]

@proudlyfromNJ I get what you're saying.  And I know I'm the resident husband complainer.  I don't expect any more or less from him.  I just wanted to let off some steam.  Things are what they are.  I just wanted to be left alone today and get lost in my project.     It didn't work as I planned but it's done now so there's that.

[rms1954]

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@AuntG wrote:

Don't feel too bad.I'd just be happy the project is getting done.

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I don't.  People feel better about judging.  It's done and it's over.  

[Lucky Charm]

@rms1954  Please don't think I'm calling you difficult in my post.

Can I ask what would happen if you said to your husband right now 'let's go sit on the front steps'. 

There's a beautiful moon out, both of you grab a drink.  And just sit and talk.  Or just sit.

Is that an impossibility? 

Or a start?

[MildredM]

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@rms1954 wrote:

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@AuntG wrote:

Don't feel too bad.I'd just be happy the project is getting done.

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I don't.  People feel better about judging.  It's done and it's over.  

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If, and I mean if, my husband had decided to step up and do the staining (yeah, sure) ..... sorry I can't help from laughing just typing that past sentence. All I would have heard is yelling and screaming and cursing about how "they" make everything so hard, before he would start banging and stomping and blaming it all on it being my fault. Heaven forbid I should point out where he missed. After all he would have gotten around to it..... ROFLMAO

This is why I now go the Let It Rot route. Easier on my blood pressure. I have a long range plan if I don't die first.

[Skyegirl21]

Hi Imtep, You got some great advice from the posters here!  I would take it! 

 But I feel you... Marriage is HARD sometimes... 

When I have those days (plenty of them), I tell myself someone else (we know who) will not kill my joy, no matter what-   Try not to let it bother you, the steps are getting done!  

[Anonymous032819]

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@rms1954 wrote:

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@AuntG wrote:

Don't feel too bad.I'd just be happy the project is getting done.

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I don't.  People feel better about judging.  It's done and it's over.  

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So you choose to  be miserable??? 

Remember, attitude is a choice.

You can either choose to be happy, or you can choose to be miserable.

It's up to you on which you want to be.

[chiclet]

I learned a long time ago in this marriage that my husband is never going to change so I have to find a way to live with him or get out.  So I found manipulation a way to get what I want without a fight.  If I want something done especially something that needs to be done I will start the project and mess it up a little and act all frustrated and upset then he has to come save it from me. I don't get mad, I just smile when he is not looking. If I said we need a new couch (just an example) he would say right away that the old one is fine and we don't need a new one.  So I have to start saying things like the bacteria count is off the charts in that old couch, we need to pay someone to commercially clean it,  I saw the dog pee on it, it hurts my back to sit on it, etc etc. said in just a casual pleasant tone and and walk away with no more conversation about it.  Then after maybe weeks he will say maybe it is time to get a new couch and I will say they are too expensive and we could just clean the old one.  He then tries to convince me we need to buy a new one.  I smile all the way to the furniture store.   I know it sounds like work but it is better than fighting and I have it down to an art now.  He is the type of person that if you said the sky was blue he would say it was gray blue.  I stay because there are many other reasons to stay and have learned to deal with him for the most part.  That does not mean he does not drive me crazy but I have two choices...stay and figure out a way to make it somewhat happy or leave.  

[Anonymous032819]

Spouses shouldn't have to manipulate each other in order to get their way.

That's just childish and immature.

If one has to manipulate and trick their spouse in order to get their way, then maybe they should reconsider being married in the first place.

[Skyegirl21]

I'm right there with you Aubegirl. If a marriage is happy in some ways, but frustrating in other ways, then Leaving isn't the answer. There is nothing wrong with finding ways to cope and make oneself happy- Its called making the best of it. I think you are resourceful, and no harm done to anyone...