Among Friends

[Lostandscared]

Been with husband over 35 years. In my 60s. Been a rough relationship for many years, but thought we'd be together forever even thru hard times I have stuck by him knowing he is always " Scouting " . That is his term for observing other women. Long story short new woman at work, I noticed a change in him. Took weeks to pull the truth out slowly. Yes he's interested. " She gets me, seems nice ect. I am devastated and lost. Many lies, but says he loves me. I see insincerity on his face when he says that. She is there full time and he is full time. I am super anxious every day and just lost. Any advice appreciated.

[Kachina624]

It's a sad, sad situation to have to live your life 2ith such anxiety.  Considering all aspects of your relationship including financial, you have to ask yourself, "would I be better off with him or without him".  Only you can answer that question.  Some of the loneliest people in the world are in marriages where there is no love or trust.

[Goldengate8361]

You deserve to be treated with respect and integrity. Period. No one can truly say anything to help, because this is honestly between the two of you. In the meantime, however, I'd encourage you to find a good therapist or counselor to talk to...to help you think through how you want to approach everything. An impartial therapist can be better than a friend in many situations. Bless you....

[Rose429]

@Lostandscared @I don't have any advice, however ur husband sounds like a jerk. Maybe marriage counseling? He "says" he loves u but do u love him? U should not have to fill ur days with doubt, anxiety and sadness. R u financially dependent on him?  I wish I could help but u know the only person that can change this is u if u r able. 

[Desert Lily]

@Lostandscared   Marriage counseling if he'll go. Otherwise talk to a counselor on your own.

Then decide if you need to take further steps like finding out how to protect yourself financially if you decide to end your marriage.

I wish you the best.

[Goodie2shoes]

Would he be open to counseling ? Just a thought.   

[GoneButNotForgotten]

CONSULT AN ATTORNEY IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!

[Tinkrbl44]

I have always felt that NOTHING in single life is as bad as a bad marriage.

While it takes two to make a marriage work, but if the other person has a foot out the door, trust me, the foot always wins. 

Only you can decide what's right for you, but now would be a good time for counselling for the two of you.

If he refuses, you should probably go alone and make an appointment with a family law attorney to see where things stand for you if you end the marriage.

I wish you the best.  

[We rescue cats]

@Lostandscared I also encourage you to consider a professional counselor, I know it takes a lot to reach out to a 'stranger' but please do so, I found the impartiality and calmness that the counsellor brings to the table was so important to my healing. My issue was not my spouse it was my employer's betrayal that crushed my soul, she guided me through it. 

[nevergivesup]

@Lostandscared  I'm so sorry for your situation. Please consider finding a good therapist just for yourself. This would give you space to be validated, vent your feelings and decide whether saving your marriage is something you really want. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. I wish you well.