Among Friends

[jlkz]

@ECBG

You are so right:  Life is not a dress rehearsal.  This is it.  No do overs.

Good luck and mental health to all who struggle against toxicity.

[qualitygal]

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@Giggles Too wrote:

@ANewHue:  You are not alone in your experience.  There's a book written by Susan Forward, entitled "Emotional Blackmail, When the People In Your Life Use Fear, Obligation & Guilt to Manipulate You," that has received rave reviews.  

One reviewer said:  This book does a very clear job of defining emotional blackmail so you can begin to easily spot emotional blackmailers in your life.  It then concludes with telling you specifically how to deal with emotional blackmail, that is, how to keep your energy, resources, and sometimes your very soul, from being stolen by them.

Something that was particularly important for me personally in the book was the part at the end where she talks about not emotionally blackmailing *yourself*! 

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Wanted to add: This same author also wrote a book called, "Mother's Who Can't Love". I've seen some comments before where this was a problem for some people and thought they might want to know about this book, if interested. FYI is all.  We have both of these books at our library, maybe yours does too.

[LilacTree]

There have been times in my life where I have been vulnerable and very hurt.  However, those times have not broken my spirit.  I'm a fighter and always will be.

My biggest challenge is to help my daughters; I have two who are strong, one who has to fight hard, and one whose life has beaten her down.  My role is to concentrate on those two, while not neglecting the others, and I don't have that much time.

I'm probably going to buy this book.

[Still Raining]

Congratulations on realizing that some beloved family members can be toxic.  It took a long time for me to see my mother was one of these persons.  Once I realized it I was able to withdraw from her life.  I am sorry I missed family gatherings for their 60 and 65 anniversarys, but did not consider visiting when she went to hospice are nor did I attend her funeral.  After she died it was like a cloud lifted and I have no regrets.

[goldensrbest]

I am not so sure,that is always true.

[ANewHue]

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@Still Raining wrote:

Congratulations on realizing that some beloved family members can be toxic.  It took a long time for me to see my mother was one of these persons.  Once I realized it I was able to withdraw from her life.  I am sorry I missed family gatherings for their 60 and 65 anniversarys, but did not consider visiting when she went to hospice are nor did I attend her funeral.  After she died it was like a cloud lifted and I have no regrets.

@Still Raining. And sadly I'm sure I'll feel the same way.

[PenneyT]

OP, maybe visit the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers website, it sure helped me. 

It isn't always easy to do what's best for your own health, but it sure is worth it. Hugs and best wishes.

[PenneyT]

[goldensrbest]

I just can not imagine, not seeing your family,  i know sometimes we don't like certain members ,for one reason or another, i just have not experienced that.

[Moonchilde]

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@goldensrbest wrote:

I just can not imagine, not seeing your family,  i know sometimes we don't like certain members ,for one reason or another, i just have not experienced that.

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It's not surprising that those with close-knit, uniformly warm and loving families can't relate to situations outside their realm of experience, to perhaps doubt that things are or could get "really that bad", or to feel there might be exaggeration. If you've never experienced it up close and personal, with someone you can't avoid and must see on a frequent basis, you literally can't imagine, I expect.