Among Friends

[ID2]

I have known that the older I get the more invisible I become to others. 

[CalminHeart]

I'm in my mid 60s.  I would be embarrassed to get a lot of compliments.  Over the decades, I've found that compliments are very often fake and just something the person feels they have to say to get through a moment.  

Women need to feel good from the inside.  Don't rely on others to define your confidence, self-worth, etc.

Yes, it's not always easy and I have my own issues with that.  But I believe in "fake it til you make it."  I used that mantra for 39 years as I worked at a Fortune 500 company.  You'd never have known that I cringed and cried on the inside when speaking in public, traveling to other offices, training others, working with federal and state regulators, etc etc.  I've been able to take that into retirement as I work with charities, work parttime, etc etc.

[chiclet]

After a certain age it is like you are invisable.  I don't think people see anything but older woman not the details.  I worked in a medical office for many years and I tried to find something to compliment each patient especially older ones.  I was young and did it to make them feel good not realizing that they probably never got compliments. 

[Karie2022]

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@HouseMousewrote:

Hello

I am wondering if anyone else is going thru this?

First of all I DO know that you cant/shouldnt get your

worth and value etc thru compliments from others. I am always complimenting others all the time.

But ever since I was around 57 to 60 years old I do not

get any compliments from anyone. ( i am 60 now)

Years ago I was always complimented on clothes, hair,

looks etc.

It makes me feel Very Insecure and even Inferior now that I dont get them from anyone.

Im divorced so it is not like I can get them from a husband etc.

When I am with other people everyone is complimenting others on how much they like their hair or new top.

Even when I know that I look  decent or nice no one says a word.  I try to pretend Im not bothered at all by this. When my hair looks really good or Im wearing a nice new top still no one says a word.

It makes me feel like I should go under a rock or something. It just makes me feel embarassed  not to have anyone say anything nice when people are saying things to others.

I am not very confident at this time in my life. I wear classic decent clean clothing and dress in things I like and feel comfy in.

I do not look my age I dont feel, and have been told some times that I dont. I dont dress old if you know what I mean. I feel younger than my age.

Does anyone deal with this or know how to handle it?

And Please, I know there are more Important things going on it the world than this. I do not need or want any nasty comments please!

Thank you!

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I know how you feel...it’s that feeling of being invisible, started for me when I turned 50...feeling very insecure..I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, just know this feeling is fairly common in middle age...

[reiki604]

Having grown up  with a mother who judged herself and others worth by appearence, I rebelled at this concept early on. I am not looking for attention and I try to be the best person I can be. I do what I want for me and if others don't like the colors I put in my hair, the clothes I wear, or anything else like that, well that's on them. I found that since I do not put importance on what others think of me, they tend to try to garner my approval. I'm pretty free with compliments but they are never insincere. You can always find something nice to say to someone. 

[151949]

IMO - when a person is happy that shows through in their appearance.Adversely, when your not - something is missing in your appearance. I had a bad fall last summer, injuring my back & breaking 3 ribs.I was in so much pain  - it was just horrible. I haven't been able to work at my foodbank volunteer job and I really miss my friends there, plus stress over us selling our house & moving. Even I can see how all this has changed how I look. I'm  getting back to my old self, though it has been a slow process. 

I guess my point is happiness is an inside job, and if you can change your inner feelings then it may show on you in other ways. Being in pain , sad or depressed or lonely shows on a person.

[HouseMouse]

I have no disdain for anyone and sure do not show anything like that on my face.

[HouseMouse]

No sidsmom i just know how nasty and snarky people on this forum can be

[HouseMouse]

i dont seek compliments. i dont ask for them. i only wondered how others my age felt.

i compliment others all the time. i do have low self esteem and always have. but i was always used to getting alot of compliments thru the years and having gotten older self esteem is not good.

[HouseMouse]

Everyone I cant begin to tell you just how much I appreciate all of your comments. They are just so helpful and what I needed to hear!!  To be honest I was always used to the compliments thru all these years and guess I just never realized they might stop lol.

I am tall, thin, shoulder length hair, clean, wear nice understated makeup, nice person, always complimenting others, a loving kind person, generous,

spiritual. I do not look my age and I do not feel my age. I do not in any way feel like a senior lol!!

I do realize I need to find my self worth in my self and not to look for it outside myself! And to not even worry one bit about compliments and to be thankful each day for the good things and the blessings!

And to learn not to care what anyone else thinks about how I look or what I wear and let what I think be enough.  Not that it is easy.

I remember hearing thru the years that you cant get your value and worth from others! And I know its true.

Thank you everyone.  Big Hugs.