Among Friends

[RealtyGal2]

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@HouseMousewrote:

Hello

I am wondering if anyone else is going thru this?

First of all I DO know that you cant/shouldnt get your

worth and value etc thru compliments from others. I am always complimenting others all the time.

But ever since I was around 57 to 60 years old I do not

get any compliments from anyone. ( i am 60 now)

Years ago I was always complimented on clothes, hair,

looks etc.

It makes me feel Very Insecure and even Inferior now that I dont get them from anyone.

Im divorced so it is not like I can get them from a husband etc.

When I am with other people everyone is complimenting others on how much they like their hair or new top.

Even when I know that I look  decent or nice no one says a word.  I try to pretend Im not bothered at all by this. When my hair looks really good or Im wearing a nice new top still no one says a word.

It makes me feel like I should go under a rock or something. It just makes me feel embarassed  not to have anyone say anything nice when people are saying things to others.

I am not very confident at this time in my life. I wear classic decent clean clothing and dress in things I like and feel comfy in.

I do not look my age I dont feel, and have been told some times that I dont. I dont dress old if you know what I mean. I feel younger than my age.

Does anyone deal with this or know how to handle it?

And Please, I know there are more Important things going on it the world than this. I do not need or want any nasty comments please!

Thank you!

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I agree with those that say "dress to please yourself and don't be concerned about what others may or may not think". That being said, I do think that people do not always voice what they are thinking. A stranger may walk past you on the street and think to themselves that you are an attractive well put together woman, but not express that out loud to you. I know that I am guilty of that myself. Trust your instincts. If you think you look good then most liekly everyone else does too. Also, keep in mind that many times comments come as a result of something you have changed about yoursellf (like a new hairstyle). If you always look good then it is a given and something people just expect from you and may not comment on.

[jeanlake]

I have learned a lot from my friend. One of her favorite sayings is -- They need me more than I need them. 

She only needs approval from the most important people in her life. Yet, she's generous in nature; free with compliments. It's as if she gives freely and expects little or nothing in return. This is something she's practiced since having those weird high school days where someone's words or slights could make or break your day.   

[NYC Susan]

Some people give compliments all the time. Others don't.  Many perfectly nice people just don't do it freely.  I don't see anything wrong with that.  It's in the nature of some to do it, and not others.  Not a big deal, IMO.

I've looked horrible, and have received compliments.  And I've gone out thinking I look great, and no one compliments me at all.  So people will say what they say, and I don't put a lot of stock in it. 

I really disagree with those who have said that compliments stop after a certain age.  My Mom is nearly 87, and she gets compliments all the time - about how beautiful she is, how much they love the color of her sweater, etc.  I'm "of a certain age" myself, and I still get compliments too.  I see that happen for my friends and family also.  (An aunt lived to 104, and was given compliments often.)  Compliments don't stop as we age unless maybe we're spending time with different people who are just not that inclined.  I'm no beauty, but strangers in stores, etc, often give me compliments.  That says more about who they are than about how I look or whether I've chosen a fabulous outfit on a particular day. 

I also disagree with those who are tellling you to update your look, etc.  Don't do that unless you want to for other reasons, like wanting a change of pace or maybe a new style has caught your eye.  Otherwise, don't go to a whole lot of trouble in an effort to get compliments.  You don't have to please anyone else, and trying to get compliments is unlikely to work if the people you spend time with are just not inclined to do that.

If compliments are so important to to you, then you should probably seek out people who make a habit of giving them.  Or start giving them, and see if eventually you get them in return.  But honestly, I think you'd be better off trying to figure out why other people's compliments matter so much.  Because your opinion of yourself shouldn't be dependent on what other people feel, think, or say. 

[NYC Susan]

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@Nitefallwrote:

Welcome to my world!  I find once you pass a certain age the compliments STOP, it's age and a fact of life, sorry to say.  So I DO feel your pain.

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I disagree!!!  In my experience, that is absolutely not true.

[crackster]

I would imagine that you are a very attractive woman, who always looks nice.  I remember buying a new dress, got a new hairdo, and went to lunch with some women friends, and no one acknowledged my appearance. And this was not the first time..  I said something about this to my best friend, and she reminded me that I always look nice, and they all might be a little jealous that I am slim, trim and look like the youngest in the crowd. Just hold your head high, and feel good that you are that "noticed".

[carlycat]

I know what you’re talking about. I get fewer compliments now that I’m older. Our society is youth oriented. It’s too bad but it’s reality and nothing we can do about it. I am who I am, and at least I’m still alive. Although 61 isn’t that old, in my opinion! 

[Desertdi]

My opinion only...........but I think a person who SEEKS compliments must be insecure.

[Teddie]

I really don’t think this is necessarily about insecurity.

I’m one who enjoys complimenting people.  There are so many good things to say about and to them. And I enjoy compliments and acknowledgments, too. I was thinking, when I’ve worked to put a nice meal on the table how a compliment isn’t expected but is very much appreciated. My husband doesn’t compliment me every day but this evening he came home and I had just spent some time getting ready to go out and he said, “Look at you, how cute you look!” That was unexpected but put a smile on my face. 

So I think I understand how @HouseMouse and some other lovely ladies feel. 🙂

[Tinkrbl44]

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@I am still oxoxwrote:

Whoa, my confidence comes from ME not the way others react to me

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@I am still oxox

Ditto ......  it's not healthy to be so dependent on other peoples' opinions to a point where it actually shakes your self-esteem.   

If I look good, I don't need someone else to validate me.  Yes. compliments are nice, but certainly not necessary.

[AngelPuppy1]

@HouseMouse

I understand completely how you feel!

Many of us after we get older, are already sensitive about the changes we are experiencing.  We wonder --- am I still attractive -- is my figure still good --- does my hair  look nice, etc.

I am blessed that my DH compliments me all the time and tells me how beautiful I am and how nice I look.  Of course, he sees into my heart -- which most people do not!  And I could wear a feed sack and he'd still think I looked good!

I have always been into fashion and style.  I love clothes, shoes, jewelry, makeup.  I used to get tons of compliments from people I worked with, friends and complete strangers.  Now, I'm like you.  I will wear something I think is really pretty and fits well and no one says a word. I don't dress for other people but it does make you feel good when you get a compliment once in a while.  

I compliment people all the time.  If I like a bracelet someone is wearing or their hair looks particularly nice, I will tell them.  Sometimes this is all it takes to really improve someone's day for the positive.

Just keep doing what you're doing.  You sound like you take pride in your appearance and enjoy putting your look together.  Remember to accompany that with a smile and you're good to go!!!