No Compliments - Page 5

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I feel bad that you feel bad @HouseMouse, but as others have stated, don't allow your self esteem and self worth to be determined by what others say either positively or negatively about or to you.

I know a compliment can really make a person's day, and maybe hurt just a little when no one notices what you have done, as well. But especially when it comes to clothing, hair etc. I don't go out of my way (the lifestyle we live really doesn't necessitate fancy or fixed up) to be anything but average. It just isn't how I'm wired, I'm not expecting anyone to notice, and it just doesn't matter to me to be recognized in that area.

Do people comment positively about other things (your cooking, your decorating, how nice you keep your car or other similar things), but just not your appearance? If so, you are still getting compliments, maybe just not where you think you need to hear them.

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

Positive people attract positivity. I truly believe that. Make it a point to make a compliment every day. If that's not in your comfort zone, do it anyway until it becomes natural.

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

@HouseMouse

I do not base how I feel on what others say/think about me, never have. In positions I have been in, many always had/have something to say, some to my face, but very few, when they are negative. Usually 3rd parties, or more, is how I have heard them.

Knowing WHO I am is enough for me, and the only ones I care about, are the ones I care about. Mentioned in other forums that right now I am getting many compliments, and that makes anyone feel good, but I do not need them to know my self worth.

I'm much older than you and while age(being old) was/is mentioned in some recent compliments, it has more to do with my accomplishments, than it does with my age. Many times the 2 are tied together.

Don't judge yourself based on what others say, or do not say, especially if those individuals are not those you care about. Like other parts of life, we all have to find ways to our own happiness. Nobody can make anyone's life happy, unless that person IS happy. It's your life to except in whatever way you choose, not based on what others think/say, or do not say.

hckynut(john)

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@I am still oxoxwrote:
Whoa, my confidence comes from ME not the way others react to me

@I am still oxox I'll agree with that. I guess I either never get compliments or am oblivious to them. I worry more about what I think about me than what others think about me. What I do or wear I don't do thinking whether I will get compliments. I do it thinking do I feel comfortable, am I appropriate, do I feel good and look good in this.

I am over 60 and certainly don't feel invisible because I am very comfortable with my age and have never paid attention to compilments or sought them out. I enjoy being with people, speak up and talk and act the same way I always have and people respond as they always have.

Maybe some people become uncomfortable with age and with more attention and compliments naturally being focused on younger people as they used to me. I'm just tossing out that thought.

Maybe sometimes women feel invisible because they are older as they see themselves and they react differently toward the world and fthen their age does make a difference for them. Maybe it is more about how each person will react to people than how prople react to them. Possible?

NycVixen · ‎10-15-2010

I read all the posts and I don't seem to agree with so many posts that say they don't care what people say or don't say, or the gist being you shouldn't care about getting or not getting compliments.

NO ONE wants to be or feel invisible. Nobody. Ackknowledgement is a human need, which has been heavily documented. This is what this thread it about.

It's not about the OP wanting compliments like she's different from anyone else.

Wanting to be acknowledged and to be seen is a universal human need. I don't know anyone that can honestly say they won't be bothered by going out every day and not being noticed almost like they don't exist. Not even being ignored; like you're not even there.

This thread points to a need to reach out and talk to each other and say that we know you're there and by the way I like your top and your hair. I make sure to give sincere compliments to strangers especially older women who seem to be forgotten as they get older.

Hopefully, someone pays me in kind when it's my turn.

~Live with Intention~

Lilysmom · ‎03-09-2010

@number one queen, I probably didn’t express myself very well. I think men in their 60’s and older are as much ‘less visible’ as women.

I believe to some degree it might have something to do with not being in the workforce any longer and I think it applies to men and women, not just women. People have 'workforce identities' when they are working. That is what others see the most. I was a senior executive in a large company in a male dominated industry. I got a lot of attention (good and bad) when I was in the working role because I was the public face of my company on many issues.

I found after I retired I got a lot less attention. I liked that because being in the public eye is often difficult. Every one knew who I was because I was usually the only woman in the room. It can become isolating if you let it. My company went through some significant challenges in my time and downsized dramatically.

No doubt about it, looks fade as we age. I look after myself, keep my wardrobe up to date and stay connected in my community on issues important to me. I am happy to be in the space I’m in and I enjoy each day of retirement probably more than most because both of my parents died at 65.

I have some family and friends who are also retired and some of them just seem to be marking time. That really makes me sad. I deliberately retired early because of my family history and I intend to make the most out of each day. To me, retirement has been a gift. I have friends in their 30’s and in their 90’s. I love the energy and the wisdom they all bring to the table. LM

Fiero Woman · ‎10-02-2017

@HouseMouse I have never been concerned over compliments for myself: unless, it concerned my job at work. . I do get comliments on Susan Graver's liquid knit prints, Birkis - many designs, my dogs, my yard and that is enough for me. You sound like a lovely person, be happy with that.

Leiloni · ‎09-09-2014

e@HouseMouse wrote:
Hello
I am wondering if anyone else is going thru this?
First of all I DO know that you cant/shouldnt get your
worth and value etc thru compliments from others. I am always complimenting others all the time.

But ever since I was around 57 to 60 years old I do not
get any compliments from anyone. ( i am 60 now)
Years ago I was always complimented on clothes, hair,
looks etc.

It makes me feel Very Insecure and even Inferior now that I dont get them from anyone.

Im divorced so it is not like I can get them from a husband etc.

When I am with other people everyone is complimenting others on how much they like their hair or new top.

Even when I know that I look decent or nice no one says a word. I try to pretend Im not bothered at all by this. When my hair looks really good or Im wearing a nice new top still no one says a word.

It makes me feel like I should go under a rock or something. It just makes me feel embarassed not to have anyone say anything nice when people are saying things to others.

I am not very confident at this time in my life. I wear classic decent clean clothing and dress in things I like and feel comfy in.

I do not look my age I dont feel, and have been told some times that I dont. I dont dress old if you know what I mean. I feel younger than my age.

Does anyone deal with this or know how to handle it?

And Please, I know there are more Important things going on it the world than this. I do not need or want any nasty comments please!

Thank you!

@HouseMouse You most certainly will not receive any cheap shots from me. I have been married & divorced & married & widowed. I am currently married, but just b/c I have a husband doesn't mean I get any compliments from him, I don't. Actually, I wish most of the time I would have never married him! In my opinion, I feel these people that do not compliment you (& I get you 100%,) are jealous!!! I have never had a chat with you nor have I ever seen you, but by reading what you wrote, I bet you are stunning, probably look 40 instead of 60, are in great shape, have a 'with it' hairstyle, dress very smart & on trend, but not trendy, & intelligent & I am willing to bet you dollars to donuts that those mean people are JEALOUS OF YOU! I feel for you b/c you are probably the most deserving of a compliment than any of them! I am angry & sad for you! I think you should not give these cruel people the time of your day! Just know that there are women out there such as myself that do compliment other women, I value a compliment more when it comes from a woman than a man, I know it's more likely to be true. I know it is not you, it is them. Please don't lose any sleep over these jerks, just know how beautiful you really are on the outside as well as the inside & have a wonderful day!

KitTkat · ‎11-07-2017

@Leiloni

I think you're beautiful. I didn't know you have been through so much in your marriages, and I'm especially sorry you aren't having the happiest times right now in this marriage. But you just spoke from your heart and it shows and I know you are a fighter and a winner no matter what. 🌹

Leiloni · ‎09-09-2014

@Q4uwrote:
@Peaches McPheewrote:
@IMWwrote:
I think as women get older they become “invisible “.

I came on here to post this same thing.
We ARE invisible. (But, I gotta say, that is very liberating.)
THIS! This is something my Mother mentioned to me when she hit 60. She was a beautiful, confident, intelligent woman who raised me to be sure of who I am and even tho I don't receive the compliments I used to, I know from the inside that I don't need or necessarily want the compliments. She used to tell me that it wasn't the lack of compliments she resented at all, it was the people who stared right thru her as tho she wasn't even standing there! I'm starting to see it and as she refused (politely) to be invisible, so will I.....