Among Friends

[Gayle2]

I am having a hard time articulating what I want to say.  I have lived in my prestent neighborhood for over 14 years.  We have some neighbors that we are really tight with and the rest, more or less just friendly.   I walk my dog every morning and follow it with cycling for exercise.  How I "roll" is everytime I pass a neighbor on the street I either wave, say hello or stop and chat.   Well I have one neighbor that flat out ignores me.  She is friendly with other neighbors, not me nor my husband.  The only thing we can think of that may have ticked her off was 3 years ago her dog was barking non stop for hours on end and we mentioned it to her as we thought she would want to know.   We live in a coastal community where being outdoors on one's deck everyday is very routine.   Most people are considerate of this and manage their noise level etc.   It never occured to me that this would be a grudge issue.  My husband keeps telling me to let it go..."some people are just petty that way".  For the most part I have done that but when I consider how many times I pass this person on the street (i.e. she is a walker), it is hard to comparmentalize.  And just so you know, I have tried on several times to communicate with her and she just glares and walks on.   I can't fix this, just trying to live with it without it messing up my day.  Any suggestions....

[bonnielu]

Thoughts about this.

1.  It is on her.  She is the one with the issue.

2.  If you were to approach her, invite her over, offer her something at her door  as in cake, etc

3.  Ignore her and move on.  

If you have tried it all, I repeat     consider  #1

[Mermaid22]

Just keep “rolling “ the way you do. Smile , say hello etc. She has the problem not you😊

[KingstonsMom]

You can't control how other people feel about you or why, you can just control how you react to it.

After all this time and your repeated efforts to be friendly, I would just ignore her, as she ignores you and not give it a second thought.

It's her problem, not yours.

[x Hedge]

If I were you, I'd be asking myself why I'm so needing of her conversation. Is is just because she chooses to withhold it from you?

What other reason have you for pursing the subject?

You're husband's right. Let it go.

. . .and all these nice folks are trying to tell you it's her that's having a problem, but I don't see that.

She's chosen the way she wants to interact with you, and is happy doing so.

It is you who wants to change the nature of the relationship, trying several times to strike up a social conversation with someone who's made it clear she'd prefer not to talk with you.

Yes, she glares at you. 

I have a similar situation. I find my intrusive person to be dismissive of my choice, and disrespectful of my decision, instead relentlessly attempting to manipulate me into a conversation I just don't want to have with her.

Perhaps she thinks of you using those underlined words too.

[AuntG]

A simple "good morning" is all you can give her. If she glares, that's the way it is. You tried!  Actually I ignore some neighbors because they are so OCD, it drives me crazy. I want to scream " there isn't enough Xanax on earth to cure you", but then I'd be the irrational one.

[qualitygal]

Consider it her loss. If she wants to hold a grudge, you don't need her in your life, I guess she is showing you what her decision is.  Life is too short to waste it on that kind of a person. She sounds like she'd be a toxic personality type.

[happycat]

I'd try to ignore her. I realize that is probably easier said than done, but thats what I would do. It doesn't sound like you have done anything wrong and if she is holding a grudge because you let her know her dog was barking nonstop, three years ago - then it really sounds as if she is the one with the problem.

[chrystaltree]

Do what your husband says and ignore the woman.  It could be the dog barking thing and it could be that she just doesn't like you.  You have absolutely no way of knowing that you are the only one she gives the cold shoulder too.  You just think so because of that past incident.  Why does it bother you so much.  And stop trying to communicate with the woman, it borders on harrassment when she's made it clear she doesn't want to speak to you.  Live your life and let her live her life.

[RespectLife]

"The only thing we can think of that may have ticked her off was 3 years ago her dog was barking non stop for hours on end and we mentioned it to her as we thought she would want to know."

Just to play devil's advocate here...and I am NOT saying her behavior is acceptable, BUT....I would guess you are correct that the above is what ticked her off.

Don't you think she already knew her dog barked?  She may have taken your 'mentioning' it badly.  A barking dog is annoying to owners too, and she may have taken offense to you confronting her about it.  It may be something they are struggling with, so it wouldn't help to have someone state the obvious.

Three years is a long time to hold a grudge.  She should move on, especially if you are being cordial and friendly to her!

If it really bothers you, you could approach the subject with her and just ask her if you have offended her in any way.  If so, that was not your intent at all.  Maybe invite her to lunch to mend fences.

OR as others have said...enjoy your community and know that you have other neighbors you can enjoy being friends with.  Some people are just grouchy!