Need Some Guidance - Page 4

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

Seldom does speculation turn out to be valid. This began when you didn't respond to his text. Could be he thought you were off on a date. Your response of enjoy could have come across to him as sarcastic, disinterested.

Suppose you mean to him what he means to you. Now, with that in mind, assess his behavior. Respond to him as though you do.

judEve · ‎11-06-2014

@Ladygray

Huge danger sign for me is when you said "when you don't respond he gets miffed". He has NO claim on you! You yourself said you're NOT dating! Why in the world would he think he can expect you to reply each time and or in a timely manner yet you cannot expect the same from him? Something is very wrong with that! I agree with the others that said that's controlling, manipulative behavior and if he's already acting that way and you're NOT dating just think how he will be should you ever date! I'd run and now but it sounds like you've given your heart yet it's obvious he has NOT! Meeting him in group settings where he has NOT reached out in front of these people and held your hand, hugged you, or kissed you is big red flag! Just brushing up against you, sneaking a touch is not good. If he's into you at all why won't he show you affection where the people in the group can see it?? I am very sympathetic to your situation and do NOT want to sound rude, or uncaring but it sounds like you're making excuses for him with some of your responses. I know you're trying to explain further when you reply but some of your replies sound like excuses to me. If you want to actually date him sit him down and tell him and see if he will commit. If you're okay with being with him on HIS terms, pretending like your not hurt when you are, thinking about him and your responses when chances are you are not on his mind, not going to where he lives, his kids not knowing about you, when he doesn't like you enough or isn't single enough to touch you in front of this group of people then I'm afraid you have a hard, sorrow filled, one sided road ahead of you. I think it's easier to get out now before you've gotten in deeper. I really do wish you only the very best!!!

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
@KingstonsMom wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
This guy has his own place to live that is seperate from the wife's.

If it's just casual back-and-forth, I would say that he is just busy spending time with his kids right now.

When you responded "Enjoy!", he probably thought that you were fine with everything.

I also wonder just how long he has been "seperated" from his wife.

But then again, Kate Hepbern was involved with Spencer Tracy, and he was still married, because the wife did not believe in divorce.

If this is the first time that he did this, that's one thing, but if is always doing this sort of thing, then I would question the relationship.

@Plaid Pants2

She doesn't know for a fact that he has his own place, that's just what he told her.

If he does have his own place, why has he never invited her over?

How do we know that she has never been over to his place?

I have read her posts on this thread, and I don't see where she has said, "I have never been to his place".

Could you please show me where she said that?

@Plaid Pants2

There was another post she made in this thread earlier that was deleted completely, it doesn't even show as 'deleted', so I can't "show you".

Sorry if my post offended you, that was certainly not my intent, but it is based on what was said in that MIA post she made.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@KingstonsMom wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
@KingstonsMom wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
This guy has his own place to live that is seperate from the wife's.

If it's just casual back-and-forth, I would say that he is just busy spending time with his kids right now.

When you responded "Enjoy!", he probably thought that you were fine with everything.

I also wonder just how long he has been "seperated" from his wife.

But then again, Kate Hepbern was involved with Spencer Tracy, and he was still married, because the wife did not believe in divorce.

If this is the first time that he did this, that's one thing, but if is always doing this sort of thing, then I would question the relationship.

@Plaid Pants2

She doesn't know for a fact that he has his own place, that's just what he told her.

If he does have his own place, why has he never invited her over?

How do we know that she has never been over to his place?

I have read her posts on this thread, and I don't see where she has said, "I have never been to his place".

Could you please show me where she said that?

@Plaid Pants2

There was another post she made in this thread earlier that was deleted completely, it doesn't even show as 'deleted', so I can't "show you".

Sorry if my post offended you, that was certainly not my intent, but it is based on what was said in that MIA post she made.

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@occasionalrain wrote:
Seldom does speculation turn out to be valid. This began when you didn't respond to his text. Could be he thought you were off on a date. Your response of enjoy could have come across to him as sarcastic, disinterested.

Suppose you mean to him what he means to you. Now, with that in mind, assess his behavior. Respond to him as though you do.

You could be right on the money.

However, this is behavior more typical of women than men - continually obsessing over - did I say/do the right thing, did I upset him, does he think I don't care enough, etc. etc.

Rarely do men ever engage in all this handwringing. It is not healthy.

She has spent the entire weekend worrying about whether she did something to upset him and wondering if - on the other hand - he doesn't really care about her. I doubt sincerely he has been similarly occupied.

When he contacts her again, I hope she clarifies the situation with him. If that is not possible, then I don't see good potential for a happy relationship here.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

I agree with all who see this as another age old story of the married mans girlfriend.

@Ladygray, you are fooling yourself if you think you are just "very good friends" with this man. You have expressed a level of excitement from the flirting, touching, even joking, that screams more to this than friendship. You have expectations from this relationship. You are waiting breathlessly for every morsel of information this man is willing to share with you, and every moment he can free up to be with you. You are upset that you have been left out of the loop with what he's doing this weekend. For a long time you have looked forward to that certain weekend where he planned to spend the whole day with you.

I say wake up and realize you are in a relationship with another woman's husband! Regardless of how he feels about you, he has a family that will always come first. Yes, he and his wife may end their marriage, but the ties they have together, and with their children, are always going to be there, and that is the part of him you will NEVER have.

So you don't know what to think, or what to do at this point? Again, I say wake up, look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud "my boyfriend is another woman's husband". Listen to how that sounds, and face the reality of the situation you are in.

feline groovy · ‎07-29-2014

@hoosieroriginal wrote:
Afraid you're being played girl! Cut this jerk off and find someone available - married men aren't your best choice. He's still emotionally involved with this woman - you're second in line - just available when he needs you. He's a player and telling you what he thinks you need to hear to keep you on the hook.

Yep, and likely fifth in line - after each kid, his wife, & himself.

Silver Lining · ‎04-16-2010

@Ladygray, you deserve better than this. Respect yourself and cut this man off now, a clean break. No more texts, e-mails, phone calls. You said you "haven't really dated as a couple" which most likely means he comes to your house for fun and games. You have met him for lunch once and meet him in the park for walks. You eye each other at fundraisers and he secretly cops a feel but you do not acknowledge each other and won't/can't be seen together. Sometimes you wait to get "a cue" from him that is okay to contact him. Can't you see that he is using you?

i've had a FWB relationship here and there over the years but we were always both single. We were "very good friends" which is how you described it.

This man is still living with, staying with, vacationing with or whatever with his wife. You might not even be his only female "very good friend." He is lying to you.

sassenach1 · ‎03-09-2010

You've received a lot of good advice here. Take it and run from this man. There are red flags all over and you need to heed them. He is married and this is either an affair or rebound. No matter what, there are plenty of other red flags.

Be strong, happy and satisfied with your self. Your happiness should come from within and not be dependent on anyone else.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

I would never be interested in a guy who was still married even if he was separated and had his own place My first thought would be, why did his marriage fail and how could this affect his future relationships.Sounds like you have strong feeling for this guy even though you have not even dated. I would suggest for your own piece of mind that you take it slow and stay friends till after his divorce.