Need Some Guidance - Page 3

dex · ‎03-09-2010

@Ladygrayi just hate to think that he is just bored in his realationship with his wife and uses you to excite him so that his wife can delight him...sorry to put that thought in words

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@Ladygray

These types of men are masters at deception and manipulation and usually have a history of this type of behaviour and I'd bet you're not his first 'conquest'.

All of the secrecy here is a huge red flag for me.

You wondered in an earlier post (now deleted) how you two could have such long phone calls at night if he was still with his wife.

Well, there could be lots of reasons, like she works at night or various shifts, goes to bed early, etc.

In my case, I had no clue because we saw each other/went out all the time. It turned out that his wife (that he was supposedly divorced from) was confined to bed rest for a problem pregnancy.

I only found out the truth when she showed up at my door after the baby was born.

I felt awful, guilty, used, naive, stupid and very, very angry......

Have you tried to research him online? There's a wealth of information you can find on a person that way, I've done it since that happened.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@Melania wrote:
Dejavu anyone?

@Melania

LOL! I thought the same thing when I read the first post!

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

dex · ‎03-09-2010

@Ladygray he is off having a good time and you are at home stressing about how you responded to that knowledge...think about it.

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
This guy has his own place to live that is seperate from the wife's.

If it's just casual back-and-forth, I would say that he is just busy spending time with his kids right now.

When you responded "Enjoy!", he probably thought that you were fine with everything.

I also wonder just how long he has been "seperated" from his wife.

But then again, Kate Hepbern was involved with Spencer Tracy, and he was still married, because the wife did not believe in divorce.

If this is the first time that he did this, that's one thing, but if is always doing this sort of thing, then I would question the relationship.

@Plaid Pants2

She doesn't know for a fact that he has his own place, that's just what he told her.

If he does have his own place, why has he never invited her over?

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

software · ‎06-08-2016

Is it really any of your business why he is in Sarasota?

Your response was appropriate.

Let him explain, but you are not a "couple" so he doesn't owe you anything.

Keep that in mind as you go forward with this man. Guard your heart.

@LuvsMusic wrote:
I'm new to QVC.    I found these forums and thought I might be able to find some guidance here.   You all seem to be so helpful to one another from what I've been reading.

I am very good friends with a man who is currently separated from his wife.   He has two children, both in college.   We haven't really dated as a couple, but there are many sparks between us and we flirt and talk all the time.   He and his estranged wife are working out details about their situation.   They currently have separate residences.

We talk most every night either via phone or text or e-mail.   We joke, we flirt, we share our days events with each other.   When he is with his kids (who are home from college for the summer) I try to not bother him or I'll wait for his cue to get in touch with him.

Last week, I didn't respond to his e-mail because I had come home from a hard day at work and collapsed in bed and slept through most of the evening hours.   I read his e-mail the next morning and responded.   He responded back and said he looked forward to talking to me later.   I sent him a longer e-mail during the day but never heard back neither via e-mail nor a call or text.   The last time we did talk, I asked what his kids were going to do for him for Father's Day, and he didn't know.   We have plan to spend the day together the next weekend that I have been looking forward to for a long time.

Friday morning at work, I get a text from him with a picture taken out of a hotel room on the beach.   All he wrote was "Great weather here in Sarasota."   That's all, no explanation why he was there,   I didn't know how to respond so all I could think of to respond was just an "Enjoy," instead of endless questions or wanting an explanation. Plus, I'm at work and couldn't be texting back and forth from there all morning. I was upset, but didn't want to be a drama queen. I didn't know if he was there with his kids for Father's Day weekend or who knows, maybe he was with his estranged wife.   It was so cryptic.   I never heard back from him at all.   Nothing.   Plus, when he's with his kids, I don't like to text him or make things uncomfortable for him.

I don't know why he'd just leave me a message like that knowing I would be confused.   I'm hurt that he hasn't explained or at least responded again.   I don't even know when he plans to return.   I feel awkward responding now, makes me look like I'm groveling.   I don't know what to think or do at this point.

I keep thinking if the situation were reversed, he'd be just as upset and hurt that I'm leaving him wondering.   That's how I feel.

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

If he gets "upset" when you don't respond right away, but doesn't tell you he's going away for the weekend, this raises some red flags to me. He sounds controlling.

Again, I would not contact him. If he contacts you with expectations for the dinner date, I'd use that as an opportunity to clarify the situation. If he gets defenseive or otherwise tries to make you uncomfortable, I'd call it off.

If a relationship is not even good in the beginning, it will only get worse. Been there done that.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@Ladygray...the ball is in HIS COURT.....do not let him use you....this may work out in the end but go very slow for now....don't always be available.

carlycat · ‎06-07-2010

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I'm sure it hurts. Please consider that even if there's a positive innocent reason for his behavior, you don't want him treating you like this. It's not acceptable behavior. He may have some kind of excuse, but if nothing else it's rude. Again, I'm sorry.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@KingstonsMom wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
This guy has his own place to live that is seperate from the wife's.

If it's just casual back-and-forth, I would say that he is just busy spending time with his kids right now.

When you responded "Enjoy!", he probably thought that you were fine with everything.

I also wonder just how long he has been "seperated" from his wife.

But then again, Kate Hepbern was involved with Spencer Tracy, and he was still married, because the wife did not believe in divorce.

If this is the first time that he did this, that's one thing, but if is always doing this sort of thing, then I would question the relationship.

@Plaid Pants2

She doesn't know for a fact that he has his own place, that's just what he told her.

If he does have his own place, why has he never invited her over?