I wanted to follow up without continting a thread hijack.
My father her has always been an emotionally abusive mysogynist and the family dynamic, including extended family, has my younger brother established as the golden child and me as the poison pill and scapegoat.
Less than two weeks after my mother's death, he demanded all her possessions be immediately removed from the house. I was ordered to do it, and take more time off of teaching to supervise anyone who came in. One, I was already in a financial hole having exceeded maximum leave, and two, I wasn't ready. But whatever the screaming man wants, he gets. So my aunt came and I was continually yelled at, as well as having my finances pried into by both of them. Then things disappeared from my bedroom. Legal papers and such. A month later my father told me my aunt had accused me of stealing from my dead mother. There were lots of threats of arrest and he had constructed a fantasy of having seen me arrested by police a prior time.
The only thefts were theirs. They took my legal papers, birth certificate, car title, and my belongings that had been in the family safe deposit box and deprived me of access. When I threatened to notify the police myself is when the accusafion came out. My father was also under the delusion that I earn 25-30K more a year than I do, because he read it on the net. This contributed to his belief that I steal and would steal every penny of his so I had to be controlled. While I don't meet any of the legal definitions that would allow one to establish a monitored trust, he found an attorney to draft one with an unnamed supervising trustee. In order to qualify I would have to be a legal child, of diminished mental capacity, or in arrears for $250,000 or more. My attorney friends were completely baffled by the questionable legality.
This was all March through May. My father played suicidal for attention and his brother told me it was my fault. That I wasn't doing anything and was whining about a back injury from my car accident. The back injury was for heavy lifting to remove things from the house. In the meantime, my father decided to stop eating, and was self-medicating with Benadryl and Xanax. As a result, he passed out and fell on this face. This is what got me hit with the accusations from my father and my uncle.
I knew when my mother died that he would turn all the abusive rage on me. He alienates the outside world and wallows in self-pity. Always has. At 74 he still resents the high school guidance counselor who told him not to apply for an MIT scholarship. Instead he went to U of A, where he met my mom, but he still believes that counselor ruined his life. Now my mother has ruined his life by dying. He refers to her as his "former" wife.
Even if I could afford it, I don't think there's enough money in the world to compensate someone for being a paid whipping boy, which is what he wants.
Any time I get away for a few hours or days, I am accused by my brother and the rest of the family of abandoning him. No one else is willing to take a turn, though David fakes that he does to the family. This trip I took was planned and postponed multiple times since thanksgiving because of my mother's death and then his urgent frailty. A dear friend was diagnosed with acute stage 4, and I decided I wasn't waiting until her funeral to see her again. Too many deaths. Originally my mom was going to come with me. I was gone four days and my dad called and emailed constantly. When I got home, it was clear he'd been storing up a nonsense tantrum for when I walked through the door.
This is the best I can explain. Outsiders always fall for it. Fourteen years ago he threw a tantrum in the day of his post-bypass discharge. He was screaming that the sight of me or sound of my voice would give him a heart attack. So his nurse took it upon herself to call me, blame me, and told me to leave the state immediately so he wouldn't die.
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