My niece died. Family stress reaction.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

My beloved 24 year old niece died of a drug overdose on Wednesday. Like the rest of the family, I am overcome with grief, especially for my brother and sister in law, who will be burying their only child in just a few days. It is horrific.

My children went to be with their uncle and with my mother, their 98 year old grandmother, who is holding on right now. My niece was adopted from China and she had psychological problems from Day One, but she was a bright, warm-hearted caring and sensitive young person. She called me her favorite aunt, an honor to me.

Now, one of my children insists that I travel down 5 1/2 hours to the family. All my children are with their grandmother. I am at home with my husband who has ALzheimers and is experiencing the aftermath of prostate cancer surgery. I have my hands full.

My brother has been wonderful and understanding of my predicament. My younger daughter is making me feel like an evil pariah. I cannot leave my husband alone at home, nor can I get someone to stay with him. This is an ugly predicament. My daughter acts as if caring for her father is not a challenge. Of course she has't visited him in close to a year

Witchy Woman · ‎03-15-2010

@Vivian

What a terrible tragedy for the whole family. I am so sorry for this devastating loss.

However, it seems clear to me that you must be with your husband. If you brother understands, let that be enough.

Please take care of yourself.

queendiva · ‎03-12-2010

So very sorry for your loss.

Call your bereaved family members as often as you possibly can in the coming days and weeks. If someone starts berating you for your choice, excuse yourself politely and quickly from the call text or post. Only you know your priority and the heavy load that caring for your DH is. You owe an explanation to no one.

LoveMeSomeQVC · ‎05-14-2016

@Vivian I am so sorry about the passing of your niece. The way your daughter is treating you may be an expression of her grief, but it is still not acceptable. Caregiving for someone with Alzheimer's (and other health issues) is one of the most difficult and selfless things you will ever do. Don't allow your daughter to guilt you. Sometimes people don't understand that although you may want to be with the family at this time, you don't have that option. You CAN'T just leave someone dependent on you and you shouldn't feel any guilt about that. Sending you hugs.

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

You need to make it absolutely clear to your family and especially younger daughter, that leaving your husband is not an option. Period. You have no reason to feel guilty so don't let anyone lay that on you. I would not even discuss it further. You have a very sad situation.

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment

dulwich · ‎01-18-2012

@Vivian So very sorry for your sad loss.

Be assured your place is with your husband. Your brother is understanding of this and that is what is important during this very sad time.

Hippiified · ‎03-21-2017

@Vivian

I am so sorry for your loss. I would not be traveling at this time. Please don't feel guilty, you have enough going on. Please take care.

Luvtuna · ‎04-21-2015

@Kachina624 wrote:
You need to make it absolutely clear to your family and especially younger daughter, that leaving your husband is not an option. Period. You have no reason to feel guilty so don't let anyone lay that on you. I would not even discuss it further. You have a very sad situation.

Very well said Kachina. I couldn't get my heart to work on my iPad or I would have just hearted you. My thoughts exactly.

alicedee · ‎07-25-2010

@Vivian Oh, what a tragedy for everyone. I am so sorry.

Do not give your daughter any power over your peace of mind. Put on your best stern Mother look and voice and say, "There is NO WAY I am leaving my husband with Alzheimer's who needs my care, and traveling during a dangerous pandemic. My brother totally understands and supports this decision. I don't want to hear another word about it!"

Again, I am truly sorry for this horrible situation. 🙏

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

@Vivian- Sorry for your family's loss. You need to look after your husband. Is this the same daughter who without permission had the kill switch installed on your husband car? Or was that another poster.

You stated your brother understands the position you're in and that's all that matters. It could be your daughter has written her father off in her way of dealing with his decline.

Peace to you.