Among Friends

[DrakesMomma]

My heart goes out to all that posted here.  I am not a widow.  My husband has no living male blood relatives older than 60.  That is four years away for him.  I worry every day for him but I hope he breaks the trend.  

[Bella8888]

To all that have posted here about the impactful loss of their loved ones and trying to live a meaningful life afterwards, I send you deep compassion, strength and resiliency.

I'm not a widow.  Yet.  Everyday I think and try to prepare for that eventuality in my life.  And not only my life, but his - I could go first.  

[RedTop]

My husband passed 11 months ago and I understand every feeling expressed here and feel we are starting our own support group.  

As I've shared many times here, I retired 13 years ago to be a caregiver for Mom with vascular dementia and my disabled husband with several service connected health issues.  I knew from the start, I was going to lose my loved ones, it was just a matter of when.  I lost both within a year, but am very thankful for the last years I had with them as I have no guilt or regrets.  

My grief journey is a bit different as my loved ones declined over a long period; my ocean of tears were shed at every difficult stage, every new diagnosis, and the reality of accepting Gods plan.  Thru family effort, we kept Mom in her home until the last 4 months of her life.  

In early 2022, my husband was diagnosed with a terminal type of cancer, which pulled the rug out from under us.  I watched my husband accept his diagnosis and all that it meant.  From the moment we got the test results, we talked at length about everything of importance for right now and in the future.  He took care of the things he wanted to give away or sell.  He showed our girls certain things in the garage, they recorded his instructions and have videos of his demonstrations.  As a family, we literally covered everything, and the girls and I knew exactly what to do.  Nothing was left undone or unsaid.  My mind does not go to the I coulda, shoulda, woulda thoughts.  

The faith I stand on reassures me my husband is healed and rejoicing with our loved ones.  I have peace in my heart knowing I did everything he asked me to do.  13 years of caregiving left me exhausted, so I have spent this year accepting, adjusting, healing, resting, and focusing on my needs.  I take each day as it comes, I feel strong, and am determined to live the best life I can until I leave this world, which is exactly what my husband wanted me to do.  

[Puzzle Piece]

Interesting.  Folks think that I've 'got rocks' since the death of my husband.  Not the case.  His retirement  only paid 60% of what we were getting.  I rob Peter to pay Paul.  

Maybe some political movement should bring this to the attention of those in charge.  I would think that 100% would be more fair and correct as he did work for it for us.  

Please don't make this a political thread - I am only suggesting. 

[MamaWick]

My heartfelt condolences to all widows.  I'm glad to see I've surpassed the odds, and hope to continue to do so for many more years.

[gidgetgh]

[ByrdieK]

@gidgetgh 

I spent 13 years also helping take care of aging parents and lost my mother 3 months before I lost my husband 5 years ago. Like you, my husband and I did go through things before his passing (he was ill 2 1/2 years) and got most things in place. The smartest thing we did was get a trust set up so everything passed to me quickly. 

Just last month I sat my two grown sons down and went through all my financial details and last wishes. I lost two close friends and my sister this summer and knew it was time for me to make sure my sons knew where all the documentation was and exactly what I wanted to pass along...and what I didn't care about. 

Financially I am fortunate. I have enough to live comfortably. Medicare and insurance took care of 99% of my husband's enormous medical bills. That has relieved an enormous stressor in my life.

But grief...five years later is still foremost in my heart. I have a wonderful support system in my family, although losing my sister has been extremely difficult. I've learned to be comfortable living alone. I also know that I need friends and a social life to be happy. I work at being social...and it is certainly different as a widow. It isn't easy.

[sandy53]

This is a very caring, thoughtful thread.  I am not a widow, but there are big lessons here for me and my family to be prepared, especially financially.  I hope lots of people read all these touching, meaningful posts.  

[willowbark]

@gidgetgh I used to be a fast walker but now I sometimes just can barely make it from my car to the entrance of  the store.  There's nothing wrong with me physically at least not yet thankfully so it just goes to show you, that grief in of itself can be so debilitating it just wears you down.  I was shocked to have this affect and one reason I started taking dr gundry supplements thinking I was in dire need, feeling like I was dying from broken heart syndrome.  Yet other days I'm back to walking briskly.  So strange and it probably has more to do wiith not getting enough sleep.  

Another issue from overwhelming grief sleeping in my bed.  Getting up and going to the bedroom. Not easy for me now for some reason and so I'm not getting enough sleep and not getting enough quality sleep.  

3-1/2 years into this.  

[matty liz]

I wish you Dear ones and me could be together and hug, understand, help, share and more.  My husband died 2 years ago and I miss him more everyday.  All the silly suggestions to get over a 62 year love are hurtful.  I'm thankful he is out of pain but my heart is broken for his touch, advice and sillyness.  I hurt