My Sister Is Devestated - Page 7

Nataliesgramma · ‎03-28-2015

Attorney ASAP!!

If you can, take her......

MarieIG · ‎03-10-2010

Didn't read through yet, but LAWYER WHO SPECIALIZES IN DIVORCE ASAP!!!! NOW. Forget the draining of the 401(k), those are traceable assets and your sister may not only have to give him half BUT also pay the taxes and penalties out of HER SHARE. She should take out 1/2 of all joint accounts and keep track of all expenses. She should not retire now, she may need the money later.

Do the math.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@CAcableGirl2 wrote:
@BornToShop One more thing I just thought of that I would suggest. As embarrassing as she might feel (and she has nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about), I would suggest that she notify her neighbors that he has moved out unexpectedly (no need to give all the details), and ask them to keep an eye on the house and call the authorities or her immediately if they see him snooping around the house. Otherwise, who knows what he will tell the neighbors...he lost his key, or similar as he is climbing in through a window.

If your sister is working a normal schedule, he will know when she will be out of the house and could come and take everything, including important papers, items of value, etc..

She might want to get an alarm system (with signs prominently displayed), or at the very least some sort of alarm where she would be notified of activity in her home. I'm sure many will have suggestions, but at the very least, a "Canary" device that she can place anywhere in her home. Costs about $150 and only needs wi-fi service and depending on if she activates the monthly service, she could get recordings available or just notification and live feeds. It doesn't look like a security device so he wouldn't even suspect if he saw it and could be placed anywhere in the home (plug in or battery pack is all it needs).

As for not suspecting anything, that just shows how "sneaky" he has become, and doesn't reflect on her at all.

Keep records of everything including financial records, conversations, emails, texts, etc. going forward. Those records could prove invaluable.

To the poster who suggested getting a copy of her credit report, that was a great idea. You can always get one from Credit Karma for no fee and check it every 7 days for zero cost.

@CAcableGirl2 @BornToShop

Your sisters husband is legally allowed in the home. Unless there is a court order to stay out, he can go in and out when he pleases. He can go through a window or take the locks off. Just because he shacked up with his mistress, he is still legally allowed in the family home.

eddyandme · ‎09-24-2011

FINANCIAL ADVISOR and lawyer!

BornToShop · ‎03-10-2010

Update; she found a highly recommended attorney who we are seeing Thurs. Luckily they rent & she has a VM/texts from him saying he has moved out, etc. We are visiting the landlord after her attorney; the lease is up in June. She was smart enough to have the Sprint Family Plan in her name only of which she has set up to be disconnected. No joint accounts ( thanks to Dr. Phil years ago!). She is dealing with the humiliation & shock still but we, our family have rallied big time! She is panicking over her 401k. She would rather the Government get it than that scumbag. To be continued...

@missy1, @MarieIG, @CAcableGirl2, @eddyandme, @Nataliesgramma & to everyone on this thread, you are all amazing & your feedback has been invaluable!

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@BornToShop Your sister rents. That is much simpler. I am glad she has retained an attorney, Keep us updated.

moon_gazer · ‎11-20-2016

@BornToShop wrote:
@Snowpuppy, she is the primary breadwinner, they are living in a state that declares he would be entitled to half of her 401k. She doesn’t want to hide her 401k, but due to his out-of-the-blue exit, she wants to do what it takes to ensure he won’t get a dime; even if it means taking a hit on her 401k. Her concern is being able to afford an attorney since he left her in a financial crisis without notice. Concealment is not her intent, but survival at her age with Social Security & her 401k would be her only source of income now.

Cashing in her 401K is not going to prevent him from gaining access to those funds. The only way she can avoid him going after them is to get them out of her name.

Deep In The Heart of Texas

Bridgegal · ‎03-09-2010

So sorry she is facing this.

I hope she understands the "hit" she will take on her 401K.. Her tax bracket + 10%. So, if she is in say a 25% tax bracket , she'll be giving the government 35 % of the 401K. Would she borrow money at 35% interest just to keep him from getting something? I doubt it.

She really needs to see a lawyer fast and a financial advisor too.

BornToShop · ‎03-10-2010

@Bridgegal wrote:
So sorry she is facing this.

I hope she understands the "hit" she will take on her 401K.. Her tax bracket + 10%. So, if she is in say a 25% tax bracket , she'll be giving the government 35 % of the 401K. Would she borrow money at 35% interest just to keep him from getting something? I doubt it.

She really needs to see a lawyer fast and a financial advisor too.

Oh yes @Bridgegal, she would much rather the gov get it before him. That is how ugly this is.

jannabelle1 · ‎09-12-2010

This same thing happened to me after 22 years of marriage, and I will repeat (from experience) what has already been stated here. She needs an excellent divorce lawyer ASAP who will protect her interests. My lawyer made sure he got nothing of my 401k. It is a horrible thing to deal with and go through, and my heart breaks for your sister because I have been in the same situation. She will survive - it won't be easy and you need to be a great source of support for her. But please, she MUST contact a divorce attorney tomorrow. Check around and get the best one you can get. As horrible as it is for her, a quality divorce attorney will know exactly how to handle this. Once she retires, she can transfer the 401k to a qualified IRA without penalties, but it's imperative to start with a good divorce lawer...NOW.