Among Friends

[mcducky]

Ending a relationship is very hard...mutual or not, unexpected or not.  While dating might sound like an uplifting' event it can be really hard and have just the opposite affect.  Maybe best to seek out counseling to deal with the anger and grief first?

[Tinkrbl44]

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@BornToShopwrote:

@cbrite, thank you for your concern & inquiry!  Good news he cannot touch her 401k, but what she is currently going through is depression, not knowing why she was blindsided.  A friend of hers suggested Match.com, a dating website.  She also was recommended to hire a Private Investigator to get closure as to the “why” factor.  I am not so sure if finding out the real deal will help her or if she should just close that book & move on.  Needless to say, she still has a long journey of healing ahead of her.  

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@BornToShop

I just came across this thread and have only read the first and last pages of the thread, so I apologize if my comments are redundant.

I facilitated divorce support groups for many years, so I come from that perspective.

First, she seems to have the mentality of "whatever you do, do something" ..... Bad idea.   No match.com, no private investigator ... none of that right now.

If she needs to take action it shoudl be to see a good divorce attorney, a good CPA and a good therapist.  Period.

People who decide to leave a marriage often "keep going through the motions" for more than a year before they say anything to their spouse ... or just walk out the door.  No PI will ever tell her "why", so please tell her to save her money if she's hoping for "closure".  Won't happen.

It takes two people to make a relationship, and only one to end it.  Clearly, he didn't want to save the relationship or there would have been warning signs or efforts made.   

Hope she's not floundering quite so much and is getting professional assistance .... and the support of friends.  

[BornToShop]

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@Tinkrbl44wrote:

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@BornToShopwrote:

@cbrite, thank you for your concern & inquiry!  Good news he cannot touch her 401k, but what she is currently going through is depression, not knowing why she was blindsided.  A friend of hers suggested Match.com, a dating website.  She also was recommended to hire a Private Investigator to get closure as to the “why” factor.  I am not so sure if finding out the real deal will help her or if she should just close that book & move on.  Needless to say, she still has a long journey of healing ahead of her.  

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@BornToShop

I just came across this thread and have only read the first and last pages of the thread, so I apologize if my comments are redundant.

I facilitated divorce support groups for many years, so I come from that perspective.

First, she seems to have the mentality of "whatever you do, do something" ..... Bad idea.   No match.com, no private investigator ... none of that right now.

If she needs to take action it shoudl be to see a good divorce attorney, a good CPA and a good therapist.  Period.

People who decide to leave a marriage often "keep going through the motions" for more than a year before they say anything to their spouse ... or just walk out the door.  No PI will ever tell her "why", so please tell her to save her money if she's hoping for "closure".  Won't happen.

It takes two people to make a relationship, and only one to end it.  Clearly, he didn't want to save the relationship or there would have been warning signs or efforts made.   

Hope she's not floundering quite so much and is getting professional assistance .... and the support of friends.  

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@Tinkrbl44, you have no idea how timely & important your post is for my sis.  I had her read it immediately & it really registered with her.  Your experience with this validated to her to get on with healing but not with the bandaid approaches she was thinking about.  It has now been a month & a half & the suffering is still overwhelming.  She has an awesome attorney, unbelievable family support starting with me.  She now realizes she needs to seek professional support & not to squander $$$ that will ultimately not help her in the long run.  We cannot thank you enough.  

[bonnielu]

Lawyer!

[cbrite]

@BornToShop Thinking of you both - just wanted you to know 

[BornToShop]

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@cbritewrote:

@BornToShop Thinking of you both - just wanted you to know 

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@cbrite, how amazing of you to care enough to ck back!  It is still pretty dark for her now even though she has an excellent psychiatrist but no question this will take time.  Bottom line, going forward for anyone with tangible assets must sign a prenuptial agreement to spare any extra issues besides the horrific one of simply not knowing “why” she didn’t see this coming.  I showed her your post & thank you for uplifting her even though you have not met her.  Truly appreciated!