Momentos of loved one, what's yours?

sarahpanda · ‎03-11-2010

As some of you may know, my DH is in his final stage of life on this earth. My mind is all over the place, things to take care of - and it came to mind that I would perhaps like to have something of his close to me,forever. I saw a heart locket and thought maybe I could get a lock of his hair and put in it to keep . I hope this doesn't sound morbid to some of you - but I am struggling here to not have to say later on ''I wish I had of ..."

For those of you who have been through this awful pain, what is it that means the most to you now in rememberance of your loved one? Thank you kindly.

Ainhisg · ‎03-09-2010

This is such an individual answer. If a lock of hair means something to you, by all means, take it. Right before my dad entered the hospital and ultimately died, he gave me a package of filet mignon. (He was a cattle farmer.) That package has been in my freezer for 17 years, and when I see it, I think of his generous nature. My mom? She kept journals, and I have them. She passed in September. I put them in order and have been reading them. To know the thoughts and feelings she never expressed to us--to know the things she did and the people with whom she interacted all those years--unbeknownst to me--are priceless. PRICELESS.

phoenixbrd · ‎03-27-2010

@sarahpanda This is such a precious time for the two of you. Just treasure every moment that you are together. I think the locket is a beautiful idea.

godi · ‎03-09-2010

God bless you both. If that's the momento you want then do it. ❤️🙏

MaverDaver · ‎06-28-2013

I put my mom's wedding ring on my finger the day she passed and have NEVER taken it off. That was in 1993. Today I could not remove it even if I wanted to. Gained weight and it doesn't move..

on the bay · ‎03-09-2010

@sarahpanda,

Such a heartfelt question.

I think you will know at the time what gives you the most comfort and what

makes you sad.

I know for my children it was all different-some wanted things that were used everyday, for some it was pictures.

For our dogs for me, it was their fur, not ashes. I keep them in a pouch that I can kiss as often as I want.

For a very close loved one, it was not recent pictures but ones from a past with me and them. Recent pictures mostly made me sad like it is not fair and I never said this was ok-this death thing! So unreal that they are not there! Then I just try to find them, their spirit wherever they are, which I want to feel is still close to me, in my life here.

And what gives you comfort may change over time. I know it did for me. So every day, all the times, we can find what gives us the most comfort to get us through those times of immense grief and all of a sudden crying and not believing it can be real, and somehow finding acceptance of ours and their new reality and peace with it all.

I hope you like all of us here will find that peace that means the most comfort to you.

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"

AngelPuppy1 · ‎03-13-2010

@sarahpanda

Not morbid at all! That would be a wonderful thing to do and a precious memento to place in your heart locket, to wear and keep close to your heart --- always. I am so sorry to hear that you are both going through this. There are no words to describe how you must be feeling. I think it is very brave of you to even be able to think of something like this. I send my blessings to you both.

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin

millieshops · ‎03-09-2010

@sarahpanda I agree with @Ainhisg. We each pick and sometimes pick not being expecting the things we save will turn out to be our reminders of the person we loved having in our lives.

I know for me the things I still have that remind me of the person and the times we spent together are what I treasure yet I can't imagine I knew at the time I kept them that they would be memory triggers for all these years.

mimomof4 · ‎03-08-2018

A suggestion I have is take a shirt/sweater/sweatshirt of his and have it made into a pillow or Teddy Bear. This allows you to always get a Hug from him.

By all means if the lock of hair makes you feel good do so.

amyb · ‎04-05-2010

@Ainhisg wrote:
This is such an individual answer. If a lock of hair means something to you, by all means, take it. Right before my dad entered the hospital and ultimately died, he gave me a package of filet mignon. (He was a cattle farmer.) That package has been in my freezer for 17 years, and when I see it, I think of his generous nature. My mom? She kept journals, and I have them. She passed in September. I put them in order and have been reading them. To know the thoughts and feelings she never expressed to us--to know the things she did and the people with whom she interacted all those years--unbeknownst to me--are priceless. PRICELESS.

@Ainhisg Oh this made me smile...just when one thinks they "are all alone" in something "unusual" they did...

My dad was a fabulous cook and it was one of his passions to be creative in the kitchen. He made a great marinara sauce. He also, in later years, used to love to go meet his "cronies" at "Dutchess Diner" for breakfast. At some point he obtained styrofoam covered containers from Dutchess that he was so proud (and thrifty, lol) to use to store his marinara in the freezer in little one serving containers. He gave me some....so pleased to share them with me. When he passed in 2000, I kept that dang Dutchess marinara, never intending to ever eat it, in my freezer for about 17 years too! I only just parted with it maybe about 4 or 5 years ago. Of course I have other things of his, that don't need to develop icicles.

@sarahpanda :

These "things" truly are SO individual, whatever really brings a warm feeling of rememberance for "who they were" to you to your heart and brings their spirit close...keep as many of those talismans around, to keep them close. A lock of hair in a locket is a great idea. I have a locket I gave to my mom, and one of her old hairbrushes that came back to me with bags of things of hers from assisted living. (We lost her during pandemic, so we couldn't be with her. ...got her things from her room many months later.) Anyway...I still have that hairbrush in the bag it came back to me in, and I've thought of salvaging a few hairs from it to put in the locket. But I wish I had a lock of mom's beautiful, thick "brunette" to the end ...hair. One of the last things she said to me, through the window of her assisted living during lockdown, before she got sick and went to hospital was "I don't know WHEN I'm going to be able to get my hair done!!" ❤️

❤️ 🙏 Prayers to both you and your dear husband~bless you during this tough time.