Mom's Last Thanksgiving - Page 2

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@CalminHeart...I am sorry for what you are dealing with....I got teary eyed coming home from work today, thinking about the holidays, both parents are gone, family is 'fractured' holidays are not the same and it makes me sad and longing for what was....

Enjoy this holiday with your mom and family...it will be a great memory!!

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

Blessings to all of you. It will be hard but you'll be suprised at how much fun it will be. You'll be in her hospital room but with everyone around, it will be much like any Thanksgiving. Just enjoy it and put everything else away for the day. Years ago, my sister had a brain aneurysm and she was in the hospital on Christmas Day. She survived but she had some cognitive deficits and we were waiting for a rehab hospital placement for her. No one knew what her future would be. She had hard time grasing where she was and some days she didn't even know what had happened to her. She never knew what day it was. But suddently, as I was leaving one night, she piped in with "Is everyone coming here for Christmas?" She sounded like her old self. And she asked for her makeup and specific shade of lipstick. So, we all had Christmas dinner in her hospital room. We also brought the food and utensils up and her kids made decorations out of paper plates and we put those up on the wall. We brought her silly little gifts. The room was small, so we came and went in shifts and no one stayed too long....except for her kids who were there most of the day. We ate, we joked around, we laughed. It was one of our best family Christmases.

Imadickens · ‎06-15-2016

I really understand what you are going through! Her diagnosis wasn't confirmed until December 23, but I think we both knew what was coming! My mother, too, was my soul mate, best friend as well as being the best mom on earth! I, too, couldn't imagine life without her! Looking back I am devastated by her "lasts"! Her "last" summer vacation was to Maine where we were prisoners from the mosquitoes, looked down on by snooty clientele, and we're just plain miserable. Every other year we went to Cape Cod where we stayed in a top notch resort where we were well known by owners and enjoyed everything we did there! Thanksgiving was spent at a restaurant we'd never been to before. They were out of anything seasonal so we mostly ate ham and French fries! The room was ice cold and my mom ate wearing her winter coat. We didn't even order desert, we just wanted to get out of there! When she finally got her diagnosis, that her cancer was back, it was two days before Christmas! Santa hadn't even made his selections for my ds! It was the first Christmas since my mil died so we were playing it by ear. We opted for a movie and tried to find anywhere open to eat. (When I get that stressed I shut down. I was totally incapable of cooking. A diner was all we found and it had recently opened. The menu was short and frankly, no one had any apatite. Two days later she learned she was terminal (I knew it was weeks, she thought years). We celebrated my ds 9th birthday in her hospital room Valentine's Day ( that's his real birthday) as she was being made to transfer to a nursing home the next day! She died exactly one week later, Feb. 22. Oh, how I wish I hadn't tried to change how we celebrated those days! Maine was my idea as was Thanksgiving! My advice is to live every special day ( really, every day should be special!) as if it will be the last time you are with your loved ones. You never know! @CalminHeart I want you to know that it has been 16 years now. I miss my mom more than I ever thought possible, BUT I have been able to go on, even tho no one thought I could! Why? My mom and I shared so much. Good times, bad times, secrets, and jokes. When she finally understood how soon it would be we talked openly and honestly about everything. The most important thing is that we both agreed there was nothing left unsaid or undone between us! We talked briefly about how I would "celebrate" her passing. That was awesome as I knew I was doing what she wanted! After that, we just enjoyed the few weeks we had left. She was physically an invalid. I took on much of her hygienic care. She asked if I minded, but I really didn't. I hope I was more gentle (and thorough) than an overworked nurse. Plus, I felt like I had at least had a part in her care. I miss her every minute but I cope because we left nothing left undone or unsaid between us. That brought us both much peace! I pray you find peace, too! God bless!

Never underestimate the power of kindness.

PamfromCT · ‎05-22-2014

My heart goes out to you. Try to enjoy this Thanksgiving "in the moment." You are going the right thing, and I am sure your dear mother will love it. And I loved the suggestion of having someone there to take videos.

When my mom was doing so poorly, we had a big birthday celebration for her. Everyone was there, and we hired a photographer to take pictures. And it was amazing how well she was that day and how much she enjoyed it all.

It's so tough to think of losing your mother. But she will always be with you in spirit. It will be helpful for you at that time to take advantage of Hospice grief counseling and to allow yourself time to grieve. My mom has been gone for 7 years now, and I still miss her. But you will be consoled by knowing you did everything you could do to honor her. All my best to you.

3suwm5 · ‎06-15-2016

What beautiful stories you all have shared. It is a trying time, sad and very stressful.

Let every part of the holiday be special, full of fun and lasting memories.

Blessings to all of us that have lost loved ones. Prayers for those that are suffering.

MaRina · ‎08-12-2013

@CalminHeart wrote:
This is Mom's last thanksgiving. She is currently receiving Hospice care. Her body is wasting away but her mind is sharp as ever! No one knows their time but it's particularly difficult knowing this is her last with us. She's my best friend and Mom. I'm not sure what I'll do without her.

Mom wants to be part of this Thanksgiving so we're taking dinner, plates, silverware...everything to her and will celebrate together. I'm so happy she'll be part of it. I come from a very large family so it'll be a crowd and we'll have a lot of fun together. Bittersweet.

@CalminHeart , I'm so sorry hugs to you. I can honestly say I know exactly what you're going through. Thanksgiving 16 years ago was my mother's last meal before cancer took her. Thankful I was there with her her last minutes and thankful she was no longer going to suffer. I miss you like crazy specially when this time of year rolls around. She Loved the holidays and always made it special for her large family. My heart knows she's happy but I still miss her.

Take care and GOD bless you

matty liz · ‎03-14-2011

How wonderful to go to her. That says it all. As a 75 year old in resonably good health, I would want those there who want to be and I would like to have it as normal as can be. Maybe a little sad but to see the love and have the people that give that love is all we can imagine. I love the Lord that doesn't mean He doesn't respect the love He allowed me to enjoy on His earth. Laugh with her and hold her. You are precious.

happycat · ‎09-18-2010

Thinking of you and your family @CalminHeart.

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

Thank you everyone! Your kind words are so wonderful and I really appreciate them.

We had a great Thanksgiving. We had a little over 30 for dinner....and that doesn't include the whole immediate family. We laughed and talked and had a great time. Mom smiled most of the time! She really enjoyed us all being there. I really enjoyed her being there too.