Among Friends

[Zhills]

is there a physical reason that your don't drive?  There are driving schools in most cities.  That would let you  be more independent!

Have to talked to him about how you feel?  Does he?

Getting peace of mind at 66 is a priviledge!  I am 86, that gives you 20 years to enjoy. 

Do research on your own.  Read your state laws on divorce...Attorneys will only help you so much!!!!!

They represent you in court!

A group for divorced ladies would be full of advise!

Start thinking positive!  Convince yourself that you can drive!  Driving is not a decision maker.  There is some way of transportation in every town and city!

People survive worse!  Be Happy!

[BoopOMatic]

 I recommend your working on getting your driver's license before you make a decision.

 Then, if you do decide to divorce, you won't feel so helpless.

 Maybe that's contributing to your anxiety as much as your husband?

[Kachina624]

@White Picket Fence    Why are you sad and depressed when you're facing the possibility of a happy new life?  I don't understand.  You're in a much better position than most women. who divorce.

You have no young children so no custody issues, you have another home to go to which is often a huge problem, no financial issues and you're apparently established in the community.

Your attorney will do all the work; I didn't even have to go to court.  All you have to do is make arrangements to move and pack your bags.

Unless you're physically unable to drive, I'd make arrangements to Lear and get a car..  Make it a project.

If you don't have friends, you're going to have to make an effort to do so as they won't come to you.  Go to the senior center, join the Y and take water aerobics or yoga classes, eat lunch with the seniors and talk to people.  It may be hard at first but will get easier with practice.

I moved to an area where I knew nobody to care for my parents.  They are now gone and I'm here completely alone with no relative within 1800 miles.  I'm older than you and I've survived.  So will you and you'll be happier for it.  Better to be alone than miserable with someone else.

See your doctor for possible solution to anxiety issues.  There is medication  that can help.

[Desert Lily]

@White Picket Fence   When I moved from the West Coast to the East Coast, I didn't have my car for 2.5 weeks. I downloaded the Uber app on my phone, and my dog & I used Uber for the 1st time and went from the airport to the hotel near my new house. I continued to use Uber for a while after that and will use it occasionally at other times, like after getting a vaccine, etc.

**Uber (& Lyft) can give a person independence.

During the pandemic, I had groceries delivered. I still have groceries delivered sometimes - it's so convenient and they do such a great job!

Anxiety? I started having anxiety attacks in 2012 when my child left the West Coast where we lived to go to an ivy league college on the East Coast. And then both my parents, my best friend, & my husband passed. I was more than 2,500 miles away from my child and feeling very alone. Sometimes, I used to get so scared when I went someplace and wondered who would know if I didn't make it back home. (it still makes me tear up to remember this) But really, good friends were there & others were a phone call away.

If you don't want to see a therapist, maybe a good person to talk with would be a best friend or your church pastor.

I've dealt with anxiety by having routines. I still sometimes have anxiety. It also helps to have an interest or a hobby and to remain in contact with family & friends. Fur babies give comfort & companionship.

My great aunt got divorced when she was 65. She said my great uncle wasn't ever nice to her & she married him at 16. I remember her saying that it took a year for her to get used to not being verbally abused by him. He wasn't there to constantly criticize her & be nasty to her. She remained close with her sons and her extended family, traveled, joined clubs, etc.

Getting a divorce is a difficult decision that only you can make. If you decide to divorce, planning ahead, asking your attorney questions, and talking to someone for support might be helpful.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

[NicksmomESQ]

@White Picket Fence  I'm so sorry that you are so miserable. You are stronger than you think plus you have your daughter. Your 66,life is to short . If you're miserable you owe it to yourself & your daughter to get the heck out of that relationship before it kills you. You can do this. You're not alone.

 My aunt got her drivers license at 68. You can do it. Most cities & towns have senior services to help. You should look into it. Please don't stay in a relationship if it's making you unhappy.You still have a lot of life in you.❤️

[White Picket Fence]

BoopOMatic

Yes, I have told him and begged him for years. He gets mad and then I get the silent treatment. I have told him all of my feelings, asked him why he even married me since he wants his own room and stays upstairs all the time. He has no answer. And no, he will not get help. Besides, he will never change. He has been this way for 22 years. He seems to not even have any idea what love it. No empathy. I'm the opposite of him in just about every way. He is just in his own world. I'm invisable and have said this. Thanks for responding. <3

[spiderw]

Emotional abuse is horrible and drains you, takes its toll and if not addressed and resolved can ruin your life.  As difficult as it may be, you must shed this negative person in your life.  Believe me, you will get through this ordeal and you will feel a weight lifted from your shoulders , the sun will shine, you will feel happiness and you will move forward.  I know this because I experienced a similar situation.

Of course it is always good to seek counseling to have someone to talk to and help you through.  I wish you the best and I hope you will find the happiness you deserve and most of all peace of mind.

[LizzieInSRQ]

A lawyer, a therapist and the Uber app ; in that order. 

::::hugs::: im 58 and never married. I can have as much peace as i want and as much company as i want. The freedom is worth the worry about being alone vs lonely. I make all my decisions  i dont always like my choices, but after all this time i cannot fathom someone else having control over my happiness. ( well work does,  but i have 9 yrs to retirement if i live that long). 

Be happy. As someone on a radio show says, what do you want your life to be between right now and dead? 

Find out what exactly is stopping you and work on the solution.

[Zhills]

@Kachina624 You were fortunate.  My Attorney was not that helpful and his Atty was a Sleeze!  Requested $300 worth of bank stmts, while we were living together.  He would do anything to drag it out (more money) and cost me money!

[On It]

If you fear driving, contact senior services in your area for services they provide. Uber and Lift are options. Check your medical insurance for benefits they may have for transportation to appointments. (Some Medicare supplemental plans offer a certain number of free trips.) A friend might be willing to car pool to the grocery, hair appointments, etc., if you pay for gas. Maybe your daughter would make a once a week daughter/mother day.

There are solutions to each hurdle. It will take some time and some help to find them. Good luck in your quest for answers.