Marriage is work, sacrifice, compromise etc etc. - Page 2

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

Replace the word "work" with "thoughtfulness" maybe?

Skyegirl21 · ‎03-20-2010

I think the compromises we make in marriage become so ingrained and part of us, we no longer see that we make them- often and constantly. To me, that’s the ‘work’. Although, I do it willingly. Been married for 26 yrs.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

May I suggest marriage counseling. We have been married 49 yrs. this month. I can tell you that..... had my husband not been willing to go to counseling together...... we would not be married today. I don't care who is right or who is wrong....if you care enough about your marriage and each other it is a good place to start.

Goldengate8361 · ‎01-27-2014

Interesting post. I’m single and I’ve always secretly thought that marriage should not be “work.” Yes, it should be valued, prioritized, treated with care, etc.....but work? People need to remember that they do NOT have to be married. When people talk about divorce rates being high, I always think that divorce rates are really too LOW! One can live a 100% terrific, happy, fufilling life NOT being a married person. Sadly, many folks do t seem to understand that.

PINKdogWOOD · ‎05-13-2010

Marriage - it is very rare to find a mate and it matters not who that mate may turn out to be who turns your head around, makes you fall head over heels truly deeply in love. Endorphines Abound!

I also think it is very possible to fall out of love, grow out of love, grow apart with that one you found and thought this person is THE ONE. I believe this is very possible regardless how much you were is love. Things change, people change, people grow apart, they no longer share the same feelings, ideas, ideals.

If it takes so much work, scarifice and compromise, perhaps the mate is not the right one. I also think you can tell this almost right from the start.

Pook · ‎03-20-2010

I think in many cases the hard work is because each in the relationship wants to "win" and make the other change to suit them and neither is willing to change or only one will. Also I think many men especially just give up and do the "yes dear" thing to keep from being nagged to death. This makes the woman happy that he gave up but... !! If the woman says she has a great marriage it often means the husband has just given up and if the man says it - it is because he has given up or he is the dominating one and she has given up.

As for me, I have been with my SO for over 30 years. Neither really believes in marriage and really have not observed many really great ones either. It works for us because we never have tried to change the other and let each other be themselves. We keep our money separate and each pays half of the expenses and don't try to tell the other how to spend their money. We don't dictate what the other should wear - even with the excuse many use saying I am trying to help since they have no sense of style and they appreciate it and it's usually the man who just gives up and changes. We do some things together and but not everything and don't have the expectation of being joined at the hip always. Yes, we don't always agree with each other tand there are some little annoying things we each do but recognize that is the person we fell in love with - faults and all. Nobody can be always happy with their spouse at all times. We choose our battles and it has to be something really serious and above all we don't say mean things to each other in anger. Even with all that it is sometimes tough. What does it matter to always want to be right and the "winner"? Also if you feel the need to change him/her then not the right match.

janeec · ‎02-17-2013

Anything long term that is worthwhile requires effort. A house requires work, a home even more. We are all different in how much effort we are willing to put into anything. For example, piano lessons. Some devote themselves and become great musicians, others don't and are so-so.

Some days marriage requires a lot of effort. That means whiles I love my husband, I may not like his behavior that day or attitude. I am not perfect either. The world is an interesting place because of our individuality.

LoveMyBaby · ‎03-09-2010

Good topic thread. I thought it was only me that cringed when I heard this term, "have to work at the marriage". I'm with you, if I have to constantly battle to keep us plugging along, forget it. I read your thread out loud to my DH. He said "sounds good". Agreeing with what you wrote.

Key word is "like". The like has to be there first. I like this person.

⚓️

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

Marriage is like anything else in life....not going to be the same experience for everyone, not going to be a "one size fits all" kind of experience.

Each of us grows, matures, develops, and changes in life, and at different times, in different ways and effected by different circumstances.

Some people are going to....get lucky, or choose better, or work harder, at anything from getting an education to choosing a career, to being a parent, to picking a mate.

Sometime relationships are very one sided and one is giving more than the other, and sometimes it varies back and forth, each taking turns being the giver and the taker.

I think the problem is that too many people expect the euphoric feeling of attraction and love to be there forever. For some people it simply is, others do things to keep it that way, some just pretend that it is, and yet others know it isn't, but find something that replaces it, or even find something much better than it.

Let's face it, in my life, as with most people I would guess, nothing is truly easy. It all has it's ups and downs, it's highs and lows, it's good and bad. Some of it sometimes comes very easy, then has to be worked at during other periods of time. Some things become just not worth working for anymore, and each person has to decide for themselves what and when that is.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

I think anyone who says it's been all roses and champagne and walks through the park with never a rough patch....should call the Guinness Book of Work Records because they have one in a billion marraige. I think all marriages take some adjustment and there are rough patches that you work your way through. Big ones for some, small ones for others and as time goes on, we don't think about them. We celebrated our 34th a few days ago and I feel blessed that he came into my life and together we have made a lovely life. And it's getting better with time but I won't lie, in the early days with 2 children who are close in age and me being a sahm for 9 years and a money pit of house and him working tons of overtime and going to college at night....we had our "challenges" and I'm proud to say that we put the "work" into it to get through it together.