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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,282
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Marriage is work, sacrifice, compromise etc etc.

I get so sick of hearing how much work marriage is.  Why is it work?  If you have to work so hard at it, is it right to start with? 

Mine is hard because at first we seemed so much alike and shared same values etc.  Well after I peeled off the layers and got to really know him, we are very different.  Maybe just being man and woman makes you very different.  We argue, say mean things and then get over it but instead of making us stronger I think it chips away at the love you felt.  Chronic illness make people hard to live with because they are not themselves.  I can see how wonderful times can make you feel in love and closer but I really don't see how the hard times make you closer.  I don't really understand what the work is that people are talking about doing in a marriage.  Usually it is only one person who even sees any problems. I think after that euphoric feeling of attraction and love wears off you really have to like the person.  Like is probably long term.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,537
Registered: ‎06-25-2012

Re: Marriage is work, sacrifice, compromise etc etc.

My dh and I always chuckle when we hear how hard marriage is. It hasn't been for us at all! It's been the easiest task. We've been together 44 years and will be celebrating our 40th at the end of the month. It's been the the easiest thing I've had to do loving my sweetie and he feels the same. Heart

"Pure Michigan"
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,821
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Marriage is work, sacrifice, compromise etc etc.

Anything worthwhile takes effort, thus work.  Each person must work to meet the other person's needs. It takes effort to communicate, find mutual interests, stay connected, keep the love in the forefront, avoid selfishness, avoid either party becoming resentful, etc.  If one slacks off or doesn't try to meet the other partner's needs, the marriage will fail.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,282
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: Marriage is work, sacrifice, compromise etc etc.


@CalmInTheHeart wrote:

Anything worthwhile takes effort, thus work.  Each person must work to meet the other person's needs. It takes effort to communicate, find mutual interests, stay connected, keep the love in the forefront, avoid selfishness, avoid either party becoming resentful, etc.  If one slacks off or doesn't try to meet the other partner's needs, the marriage will fail.  



You explained it very well.  It is a lot of work.  I can see women doing all that but not many men I have ever known. 
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,821
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Marriage is work, sacrifice, compromise etc etc.


@ID2 wrote:

My dh and I always chuckle when we hear how hard marriage is. It hasn't been for us at all! It's been the easiest task. We've been together 44 years and will be celebrating our 40th at the end of the month. It's been the the easiest thing I've had to do loving my sweetie and he feels the same. Heart



@

 

You're very lucky.  The vast majority of people don't have it so easy in their marriages.

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,282
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: Marriage is work, sacrifice, compromise etc etc.


@chiclet wrote:

I get so sick of hearing how much work marriage is.  Why is it work?  If you have to work so hard at it, is it right to start with? 

Mine is hard because at first we seemed so much alike and shared same values etc.  Well after I peeled off the layers and got to really know him, we are very different.  Maybe just being man and woman makes you very different.  We argue, say mean things and then get over it but instead of making us stronger I think it chips away at the love you felt.  Chronic illness make people hard to live with because they are not themselves.  I can see how wonderful times can make you feel in love and closer but I really don't see how the hard times make you closer.  I don't really understand what the work is that people are talking about doing in a marriage.  Usually it is only one person who even sees any problems. I think after that euphoric feeling of attraction and love wears off you really have to like the person.  Like is probably long term.



@chiclet wrote:

I get so sick of hearing how much work marriage is.  Why is it work?  If you have to work so hard at it, is it right to start with? 

Mine is hard because at first we seemed so much alike and shared same values etc.  Well after I peeled off the layers and got to really know him, we are very different.  Maybe just being man and woman makes you very different.  We argue, say mean things and then get over it but instead of making us stronger I think it chips away at the love you felt.  Chronic illness make people hard to live with because they are not themselves.  I can see how wonderful times can make you feel in love and closer but I really don't see how the hard times make you closer.  I don't really understand what the work is that people are talking about doing in a marriage.  Usually it is only one person who even sees any problems. I think after that euphoric feeling of attraction and love wears off you really have to like the person.  Like is probably long term.


You are truly blessed.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,730
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Marriage is work, sacrifice, compromise etc etc.


@chiclet wrote:

I get so sick of hearing how much work marriage is.  Why is it work?  If you have to work so hard at it, is it right to start with? 

Mine is hard because at first we seemed so much alike and shared same values etc.  Well after I peeled off the layers and got to really know him, we are very different.  Maybe just being man and woman makes you very different.  We argue, say mean things and then get over it but instead of making us stronger I think it chips away at the love you felt.  Chronic illness make people hard to live with because they are not themselves.  I can see how wonderful times can make you feel in love and closer but I really don't see how the hard times make you closer.  I don't really understand what the work is that people are talking about doing in a marriage.  Usually it is only one person who even sees any problems. I think after that euphoric feeling of attraction and love wears off you really have to like the person.  Like is probably long term.

 

@chiclet

 

I think it does take dedication and definitely compromise.  Compromise --- this, I believe, is very hard for a lot of people.  If you have 2 people who always feel they have to have their way --- oh, boy.  If you have 1 person who always wants to have their way --- then it is not fair to the other person who feels they always have to compromise or give in, if you will.  

 

As for what you said about "liking" your partner, I totally agree.  

 

And I also agree with what you said about sickness or illness.  It's all well and good to have a sweet and happy relationship and/or marriage when things are going well, everhone is healthy, and things are running smoothly.  But the real test is when one or both of you is sick/ill.  It is not easy when you or your other half is continually sick because yes, pain, does drain a person and you are not as patient, even-tempered, etc.  

 

Ultimately --- if the love is there and the desire to make the other person happy is there --- it is not work.  It's a partnership, and when one is not able to do something, then the other steps up to the plate.  

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,282
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: Marriage is work, sacrifice, compromise etc etc.

oops I meant to tell the happy couple that they are truly blessed not me.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,541
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Marriage is work, sacrifice, compromise etc etc.

If something truly matters, there will be some work involved. What if everyone felt that way about education and just decided to give up because of the studies involved? Work can be a good thing. Sadly, I think you have given up. Wish I had some advice about how to repair something that once seemed so good.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,207
Registered: ‎03-27-2010

Re: Marriage is work, sacrifice, compromise etc etc.

@chiclet  I am sorry you are having a challenge in your marriage.  I wish we could have a cup of tea and just talk for awhile.  I have so many thoughts, ideas on this subject, but so much depends on your perspective.  I can say obviously we all have trying times in life.  When I"m in one of those cycles, I have strategies that help me.  I "work" on myself.  Life is about transformation and growth.  I always return to this as a baseline during challenges.  How will this difficulty offer me an opportunity to learn and grow.  

 

  You might want to get out in nature and do some self-reflection.  Take some quiet time for yourself to explore what is best for you.  Wishing you all the best.