Among Friends

[hckynut]

(thread title only)

@chiclet,

In our case, the waiting 30 years took care of the things mentioned in your title. Figured I would know more and have experienced more in life by waiting, same for my lovely wife. No surprises. First and only marriage for both of us, and we agreed long before making it "legit", we wanted only furry/4 legged kids. Has worked out great. Maybe getting married on February 14th helped a bit! Nah!!

hckynut(john)

[chickenbutt]

One thing I've experienced, as mentioned by the OP, is men who do the whole 'say everything she wants to hear and be interested in everything she is interested in' thing to reel  you in.  

Then, after they get you reeled in and married and whatever, you start seeing more and more of who they actually are - which is absolutely very little like who they represented themselves to be, going in.

That can make it really difficult, and definitely work, because you are dealing with a bunch of stuff you didn't sign up for.

Generally, getting along with somebody, especially if you are cohabitating, does have a certain amount of 'work' and sacrifice about it.   Most of that stuff we cheerfully do because we want to play fair and be part of the team.    You can't always have every single thing you want if you are part of a team. 

[Pook]

What I have noticed is that it usually is the women who want a husband so badly that they pretend to like anything the man does to nab a husband then after they get him they set about trying to change him to what they want including their looks, clothing and anything they don't want their husband to do!   Men to some extent do that to and it is both of their faults for not just being themselves and expressing their expectations for the relationship but the women more than the men want marriage and well the men  obviously mostly only think of one thing when they pretend interest in everything  she is interested in.

I also think the hard times can make your relationship much closer and I know it has mine.  It's all in how each reacts to the hardships.  No matter what both my SO and I have always been there for each other during hard times and actually have made us closer and more in love as a result.  If that mutual respect and caring is not there then obviously it's not a good match! 

[chickenbutt]

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@Pook wrote:

What I have noticed is that it usually is the women who want a husband so badly that they pretend to like anything the man does to nab a husband then after they get him they set about trying to change him to what they want including their looks, clothing and anything they don't want their husband to do!   Men to some extent do that to and it is both of their faults for not just being themselves and expressing their expectations for the relationship but the women more than the men want marriage and well the men  obviously mostly only think of one thing when they pretend interest in everything  she is interested in. 

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So true!   I've also known women like that.  Heck, my so-called mother was like that.  The way she would act to corral a man, plus being very attractive, kind of made me sick by the time I was old enough to understand it.   Every time, after she got him to marry her, she turned back into the horrible person that she actually is.

I think I was probably shocked the first time it happened to me, with men, because I never fancied men to be like that.  Of course, I do recognize that none of it applies to all men or all women.      But when it happens to you it's a real drag, especially if you are in a position to be kind of stuck - or at least stuck for a while.

[ECBG]

I'm so very sorry if anyone has a challenge in their relationship.  Marriage is a work in progress because not only do you have to share values, but compatable education levels and similar backgrounds also.  Included, and a major player is personality type.  The "easy going" guy looks like the dream boat he is, however, when you meet the battles in life, his mind will shut down because that type "can't go there".  Life with this type can be a dream or a battle depending on the circumstances life drops in your life.  Should the huspand provide emotional support?  Good luck!

I won awards for the "Life Management" class I taught and this was included.  

If you're interested, this is an amazing read that will open the gate to better understanding everyone.  Your spouse, children, friends.

First, you copy and take the 100 question test to see who you are and who you interact well with.