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Valued Contributor
Posts: 542
Registered: ‎07-10-2019

Re: Marriage Counseling

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I personally have not and would not if the relationship got to that point.  I'm talking about both in the relationship going

together for therapy as a last resort to save it. It's already broken.

 

As a matter of fact I think it makes the relationship worse and will eventually lead to divorce in most cases.  The therapist brings up all the issue's that are wrong in the relationship.  This brings up so much more to light that you did not think of.  Then you really start looking at your partner and not in a good way.

 

I've seen it time and time again.  When someone tell's me

we are in therapy I say "get a divorce lawyer ready, it's coming". And most times within a year it has.

 

I'm not against therapy but find it best to go by yourself.

This can be helpful for some.

 

People especially older do not change and one can't expect them to do so.  If you are relatively happy with your spouse I would leave it alone and live with it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,168
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: Marriage Counseling

[ Edited ]

I attempted it but my ex would walk out if he was asked a question he did not want to answer. I think it helped me and I continued to go by myself. We did split eventually. Make sure you both want to be there.


Super Contributor
Posts: 332
Registered: ‎04-09-2014

@Tgbtg wrote:

OP here.  I, again, want to thank everyone for posting about your experience.  For those who are in/have been in great relationships, you are very blessed, and I picked up on a theme that your husbands/SO's are/were doing their part, as well.  Not so in mine.  Our marriage has become so one-sided with me doing all the emotional work, compromise, etc. that I just stopped trying to see what would be the result, and guess what?  He didn't pick up the slack at all nor mention that anything was different, so my attitude became one of, "Why bother?"  

And because we have had communication issues for a long time (as I look back--really we did from the start, but I was "in love" and chose to ignore them), talking about my concerns fell on deaf ears or promises of change with nothing happening.  We finally had a very long overdue argument last week that turned very ugly, and because I had so much built up resentment and anger, things were said that should have been said/dealt with a long time ago.  When I finally mentioned divorce as an alternative, this is what finally seemed to wake him up.  And I did not mention it for that reason; I have/had been considering it for quite some time.  Not that I want that, which is why it has been nothing more than a thought in my mind.  What I really want is for us to get back what we had near the beginning of our relationship--the emotions and expressions of love.

We went on a small day trip Monday at his suggestion.  Covid has shut down a lot of what we used to do, as I have a health condition that can be particularly affected by Covid.  But we have both had our first shots and went to outdoor venues for our day trip.  I told him that I was appreciative that he wanted to work on our marriage to get back what he had, and he said, "I don't want to lose you."  I have been reading The 5 Love Languages, and he willingly took the quiz in the back of the book.  We were both surprised to find that we both have the same love language(s), but yet he rarely shows them to me.  I used to show them to him but quit when it was never reciprocated.  I wonder why he quit meeting my needs?  I am very hopeful that counseling will tell me this.  I know I have had partial fault of what has gone wrong in our marriage; I truly do.  I'm just not sure what I did/have done to make him change.


@Tgbtg @thank you for the update-wishing you the best. 💗