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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,327
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Be prepared to go alone if need be. I went twice. After 6 mos I knew I needed to get out but didn't have the courage or resources.

 

I did see how badly I had been played but I was determined to stay to show him what a good person I was. 

 

I went back for 6 mos to work on my need to show others, including family, what a wonderful person I was.

 

It takes 2 to make things work, only takes 1 to make it a train wreck.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 24,086
Registered: ‎05-22-2016

Counseling worked for us...temporarily. Then things went back to the same ol' jazz. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,601
Registered: ‎01-18-2012

@Tgbtg   I would add feel comfortable with your Counsellor if, after your meetings, you are not happy make a change and do not stress  if your husband is not interested - or if  you do not want him to go with  you -  or if you do not discuss this with him at first - do what helps You.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,535
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Marriage Counseling

[ Edited ]

I really appreciate everyone's response.  I am very thankful for the QVC boards.  I usually don't post anything quite this personal, but it was the only place I could think of where I could hear real life experiences and results without making our business the business of someone who knows us.  (And give me hope.) Our friends and family do not know we are having issues.  Some of you hit the nail on the proverbial head.  We have had communication issues for a long time and also as a responder posted--things that were endearing in the beginning are maddening now.  And, of course, these issues are affecting other areas of our life.  I'm sure you know what I mean without me going into detail.  

I told him that I was going to go to counseling for me (true) but that if he wanted to go, too, that I would check into marriage counseling.  His company provides free counseling with an LPC, and not only did he suggest that, but he said he wanted to go, gave me the contact information (he was at work and has the type of job where he can't make phone calls unless he's on a break), and said he would work hard to do what we needed to do. He reiterated that in a card that he gave me yesterday.  I truly think he means what he is saying...at the time.  It is the follow-through that I am concerned about, but hopefully with a plan from a counselor, that will help. 

I spoke to the counselor myself to make the appointment, and she said if she felt she couldn't help us, then she would refer us to someone who could, so I was encouraged by that, too.  We have good insurance that does cover counseling.  Our first appointment is in two weeks.  Things are very weird and intense in our home right now, so I can't wait to get the process started.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,310
Registered: ‎06-15-2014

Yes, taught us how to communicate better. Still married 44 happy years.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,310
Registered: ‎06-15-2014

Sounds like you both have a great deal of positive 

feeling for counseling and each other. A good marriage 

is worth fighting for.

Life brings all kinds of changes, marriage has to withstand them. Getting a little help is the way to go.

Also--- it is nobody's business but yours.

 

Good luck!

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,382
Registered: ‎06-26-2011

I went on my own, ex wanted no part of it because he didn't want to face some things. So it was a valuable experience for me as I worked through the fact that my marriage wasn't going to be saved and wasn't worth saving anyway. I was much stronger taking the steps I needed to take in order to move on.

 

It can be a valuable tool to save a marriage but in my case it saved me.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,036
Registered: ‎07-25-2010

Re: Marriage Counseling

[ Edited ]

My experience is...if BOTH people want the relationship to work out, then counseling has a good chance of helping. 

 

If one person is just going through the motions so they can say "I tried" but really has no intention of being open, honest and trying to work on things...then no, it won't work.

 

I think most people have a pretty good idea of how their spouse will be going into it.  If after a few sessions you can see which way the wind blows, you are better off just going to therapy on your OWN....not as a couple.

 

Just my opinion....everyone couple is different.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,021
Registered: ‎10-11-2017

My ex and I did go to counseling, but there was someone on the side for hubby. So no, didn't work out. Those aren't your issues, so go for it. You at least should try .

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,821
Registered: ‎05-15-2016

Yes and no, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing in my situation though. Good thoughts to you on your journey.