Among Friends

[hyacinth003]

My father passed away a little over a year ago.  I am almost finished with his estate, and may end up with no family left!  But that's a separate story.

Last week, I decided to contact an attorney to file suit against the assisted living center my Dad was living in.  Facts are that my husband and I arrived to visit around 5:30pm.  Ahead of us in the drive were the local paramedics.  Turns out they had been called for my Dad.  He was on the floor in the bathroom of his room.  He was in a lot of pain and it was felt strongly that he had a fractured hip.  Testing in hospital reveals he did indeed have a fractured right hip.  He was screaming in pain and inconsolable.  I begged all the people who came in to please get more pain medication for him.  He was screaming that he had fought for this country and why was he being allowed to suffer.  My husband and I tried to reposition him, talk to him, distract him, etc.  He did receive more Morphine and some Valium for muscle spasms.  I have never seen him like this.

We stayed and walked up to his room with him.  He became very belligerent and verbally abusive to us and staff.  He screamed in pain as they transferred him into bed.  I wanted to stay, and stayed to help the nurse get his admission history, etc.  I would have stayed even all night, but we thought he might calm down if we left, since he began yelling and my husband and I.  Reluctantly, I decided to leave, and told him "I love you" before we left.  I never saw him conscious after that.

Some hours later, his oxygen level dropped and he had difficulty breathing.  Tests showed a heart attack and pulmonary embolism.  Took him between 3-4 days to die as we followed his advanced wishes.  These are all risks for fractured hips, and it killed him.

He was a huge fall risk, and often did not call for help when getting up.  He had a button on his wrist that he seldom used.  He was calling for help on the bathroom floor.  It was dinner time, and we are not sure how he ended up in the bathroom alone.  We had hired private help for 12 hours to be with him from 8pm to 8am for supervision in getting up.  So the assisted living only had 12 hours to really keep a watchful eye on him.  We spent thousands of dollars to help protect him.

So after taking a year to consider it, this is the decision I have made.  I don't feel like a WW2 Marine Corps. veteran, and a man who took care of my mother for many years as she deteriorated from MS, deserved to die this way.  Won't bring him back and money won't make me feel better (my inheritance hasn't).  I just feel I need to do it.

Hyacinth

[rockygems123]

@hyacinth003 I'm so sorry your dad who fought for our freedom had to go this way in pain and clearly you are in pain too.

You mentioned a separation of family, are they on board with this lawsuit or are you alone in this?  

[HLP]

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@hyacinth003 wrote:

My father passed away a little over a year ago.  I am almost finished with his estate, and may end up with no family left!  But that's a separate story.

Last week, I decided to contact an attorney to file suit against the assisted living center my Dad was living in.  Facts are that my husband and I arrived to visit around 5:30pm.  Ahead of us in the drive were the local paramedics.  Turns out they had been called for my Dad.  He was on the floor in the bathroom of his room.  He was in a lot of pain and it was felt strongly that he had a fractured hip.  Testing in hospital reveals he did indeed have a fractured right hip.  He was screaming in pain and inconsolable.  I begged all the people who came in to please get more pain medication for him.  He was screaming that he had fought for this country and why was he being allowed to suffer.  My husband and I tried to reposition him, talk to him, distract him, etc.  He did receive more Morphine and some Valium for muscle spasms.  I have never seen him like this.

We stayed and walked up to his room with him.  He became very belligerent and verbally abusive to us and staff.  He screamed in pain as they transferred him into bed.  I wanted to stay, and stayed to help the nurse get his admission history, etc.  I would have stayed even all night, but we thought he might calm down if we left, since he began yelling and my husband and I.  Reluctantly, I decided to leave, and told him "I love you" before we left.  I never saw him conscious after that.

Some hours later, his oxygen level dropped and he had difficulty breathing.  Tests showed a heart attack and pulmonary embolism.  Took him between 3-4 days to die as we followed his advanced wishes.  These are all risks for fractured hips, and it killed him.

He was a huge fall risk, and often did not call for help when getting up.  He had a button on his wrist that he seldom used.  He was calling for help on the bathroom floor.  It was dinner time, and we are not sure how he ended up in the bathroom alone.  We had hired private help for 12 hours to be with him from 8pm to 8am for supervision in getting up.  So the assisted living only had 12 hours to really keep a watchful eye on him.  We spent thousands of dollars to help protect him.

So after taking a year to consider it, this is the decision I have made.  I don't feel like a WW2 Marine Corps. veteran, and a man who took care of my mother for many years as she deteriorated from MS, deserved to die this way.  Won't bring him back and money won't make me feel better (my inheritance hasn't).  I just feel I need to do it.

Hyacinth

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I think your causing yourself more trouble. How do you know anyone was derelick in their duty and how can you prove it? Sickness, pain, and death are never pretty. Why don't you just try to accept your Fathers passing, and be at peace with it and yourself.Why was your Dad abusive to you and your husband, sounds like this is not the whole story.I'm sorry for you that you lost your Dad, but I can't understand why a year later, you want to get revenge. Many people lose love ones, I worked on a code team in a hospital, People die..

[hyacinth003]

@rockygems123 

I have not discussed it with my brother.  In the past, there is no doubt I would have.  But I don't feel he nor his wife have treated me the right way while I have acted as executor of my father's estate.  My Dad wrote his will, not me!  They have not answered a single question I have asked.  I did tell my sister-in-law early on to stay out of working the estate.  She tried to do it, and she had no legal right to it.  I had already set everything in motion.  So then they refused to even answer a handful of questions I asked.

As executor of the estate, I am considered my father's "personal representative."  My brother's opinion doesn't really matter, although I suppose he could be unhelpful if called on.  I also believe he would be entitled to a portion if there were any settlement.  I will tell him when I have more information for him.

I am not looking for any fights!  This past year has been so painful in ways I never knew possible.  My Dad was ready to join my Mother again, but I can't get past his pain and suffering - he didn't deserve it.

Hyacinth

[hyacinth003]

@HLP 

My dad became abusive due to side effects of all the pain medication he was on.  There were no problems between my dad and myself and husband.  He had reacted that way to Morphine in the past.  Nothing nefarious to see there.

Since I am an RN, I have knowledge of standard of care.  A fall leading to a fractured hip and death in a few days is not a normal occurrence in a care facility.  Especially since we the family provided 12 hours of privately paid help, in addition to $7,000 per month to live in the assisted living.

Yes, I am well aware that death happens.  And I took over a year to think about it.  And this is my very considered course of action.

Hyacinth

[January121]

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@hyacinth003 wrote:

@HLP 

My dad became abusive due to side effects of all the pain medication he was on.  There were no problems between my dad and myself and husband.  He had reacted that way to Morphine in the past.  Nothing nefarious to see there.

Since I am an RN, I have knowledge of standard of care.  A fall leading to a fractured hip and death in a few days is not a normal occurrence in a care facility.  Especially since we the family provided 12 hours of privately paid help, in addition to $7,000 per month to live in the assisted living.

Yes, I am well aware that death happens.  And I took over a year to think about it.  And this is my very considered course of action.

Hyacinth

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@hyacinth003  ..... I am 100% with you on your decision .... if you don’t follow your heart you will never forgive yourself for not doing it  ..... do it & don’t try to talk yourself out of it or let anyone else try to change your mind.. I wish you the best. 

[Anonymous032819]

@hyacinth003 

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad, but what was it that the assisted living facility did wrong, exactly?

Also, can you afford financially to have this lawsuit go on for years, if they decide to drag it out?

how are you going to feel, and what are you going to do if you loose?

Lastly, are you able to prove that the facility was negligent in his care?

You may feel that they were, but proving it, is a whole other animal.

Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your dad.

[itsmagic]

I’m so sorry to hear this happened to your father.  I think sitting down with a reputable experienced attorney will give you clarity going forward. 

[AngelPuppy1]

@hyacinth003 

I am so sorry for the loss of your father and my deepest condolences.  I am sure that you and your husband provided the best care possible for your father.  And I do know from past experience that often when people are administered strong pain medicine that they often have bad reactions which can be wild outburts, abuse, hallucinations, etc.  I imagine at that point your dear father was in such pain, too, at that point, that he really did not know what he was saying or doing.  I have no medical training or knowledge at all, but when your dad fell and it was thought he did suffer a severe injury, a broken hip, etc., wouldn't a person normally just be taken to a hospital?  I experienced a similar situation with a relative of mine and they took her by ambulance to the nearest hospital. Broken hips are very dangerous and quite often fatal in elderly people I do know this.  I think if you feel bringing a suit against the center will bring you some peace for you and justice for your father, then you should.  But as others here have said, it might take a long time to have resolution and this might just cause you more protracted suffering and pain.  Whatever you do, I wish you the best.  Blessings. 

[panda1234]

@hyacinth003  I have been working at a nursing home for 11 years. These lawsuites are very common. My facility will usually give the family $20,000 to make it go away. If this is going to give you peace of mind then by all means go forward, you don't want any regrets.