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Regular Contributor
Posts: 249
Registered: ‎09-14-2010

Re: MANY FRIENDS NO LONGER AROUND

I moved to the U.S. 12 years ago from the UK and since then moved to 3 different States here and totally get what you are saying.  I'm in my 60s and haven't really made any close friends, just the odd lunch and occasional night out with couples through my husband's work.  I do like my own company and am lucky to have a great husband but would love some friends to do fun things with.  I find people have their own circle of friends and have actually been told once she liked to keep her friends "separate" from each other!  I suppose I'm tired of making the effort now and am thankful for a healthy and happy family/pets. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,743
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

Re: MANY FRIENDS NO LONGER AROUND

@Shanus 

 

Right there with you.

 

No friends from work.  No friends in my immediate area.  A few couples that we socialize with now and then, but lately, not much at all.

 

Tried making newer, younger friends at the gym.  No go.  They are at a different point in their life, and have friends already.

 

DH still works.  Thankfully, I enjoy my own company, but now and then would love someone to share with, talk to.  My sis lives in Northern, NJ, still works (at 72) and I love her, but we don't see each other often.  We talk on the phone. Cat Sad

 

I've just resigned myself to the fact that, at 68, this is how it is.  Not perfect, but I'm in good health, so I'm thankful for that.

 

@Flopsy 

 

Yes, you do get tired of reaching out.  I have.  Now, I try to content myself with what I have...DH and I go to concerts in Annapolis quite often...he still works. 

 

As I said, I often wish for a like-minded friend, someone to visit and have a cup of tea or coffee...talk about life.

 

If you were in my neighborhood, we could meet!

 

Cannot imagine leaving for another country and trying to adjust.

 

Do you still visit the UK often?

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,913
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: MANY FRIENDS NO LONGER AROUND

 

@Shanus 

 

I remember many of my elders telling me this decades ago. As they aged many of their close friends were no longer in touch as regularly as in their younger years. Through many different circumstances, these parts of their lives changed.

 

Some even told me that was part of the reason they preferred not reaching a very, very old age. Friends/family members, even their elder children had died or moved or a variety of other circumstances.

 

This is probably experienced by a majority of us as the years pass by us. The more years we live the more likely things like this change. This maybe, consciously or unconsciously, may be why most of the hobbies and other parts of my life, were/are the type I can really enjoy doing by myself.

 

"Is anyone else facing these issues as age creeps up"?  My guess is there are few that do not. That, for many, is 1 of the negatives of living to whatever age one considers "old"!

 

 

 

hckynut

hckynut(john)
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,610
Registered: ‎03-19-2016

Re: MANY FRIENDS NO LONGER AROUND

@jeanlake   The grumpiness you mentioned describes my neighbor. We’ve been friends for over 40 years, traveled together,etc. She wanted her way and I gave in. 

     She was becoming more self centered and hard for friends to get along with. Even her sons mentioned she is hard to deal with now. She’s older than I am, and had a mini stroke. 

     I took care of her because her sons were away, and had taken care of her pets and mail when she was away for years. 

      She decided to put up a rail fence with bad wire on my side to keep leaves out (we live in the woods) and wouldn’t discuss putting the wire on her side. I told her I could put up a privacy fence on my side, she said I could. Which I did, at major expense. 

    So, we have been planting shrubs to cover our fences and seldom speak!

     People change as they age and friendships aren’t the same.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 33,056
Registered: ‎05-17-2010

Re: MANY FRIENDS NO LONGER AROUND

I don’t know whether I’m happy or sad to read I’m not alone in this predicament. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,913
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: MANY FRIENDS NO LONGER AROUND

 

@dex 

 

You don't mention why you don't sleep well and if you have in other posts, I honestly don't specifically remember. Sleep and rest to me are 2 completely different things, not exclusively the same. 

 

Little or no sleep have never been tied to my mental or physical rest, regarding my motivation or the things I want to do. This includes both physical and mental activities, which I learned long ago, can function very well independent of each other.

 

During my 7+ days in a mental ward, my body's physical abilities were able to still function at their full capacity, and that helped me immensely during that very dark time. Conversely, during many of my very long physical recoveries from injuries or health issues, my mental abilities were able to still function in a positive manner which was paramount in keeping me going in a positive direction, physically.

 

I too have lost many long time friends, but through my activities, much of why is now ice skating, I have met countless people I consider my friends, and through many different age groups. Even during some of my many days and weeks spent in the hospital, I met many friends with which I  am still closely connected.

 

Sure, there were and still are, times when I have to kick myself in the butt, to get my motivation and my body moving. Most of the time that is all it takes is that "kick". I can't say as you have, "I love people".  I see and hear of way too many that abuse animals and other people. My wife says quite often, "this is why I love animals more than people", many times I feel exactly the same.

 

Try the butt thing I  do a few times, it may just help you, even if only a small bit. Have a good weekend.  I planned on moving our massive yard, but!! It's been raining all night and still doing the same.

 

 

 

hckynut(john)

hckynut(john)
Honored Contributor
Posts: 33,056
Registered: ‎05-17-2010

Re: MANY FRIENDS NO LONGER AROUND

@hckynut   ...very wise suggestions.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,913
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: MANY FRIENDS NO LONGER AROUND

 


@Shanus wrote:

I don’t know whether I’m happy or sad to read I’m not alone in this predicament. 


 

 

 

@Shanus 

 

Either way "??? loves company", for whatever that is worth. My choice is to take full responsibility for my happiness regardless of "As the world turns".

 

My very best to you and have a good weekend.

 

 

 

hckynut(john)

hckynut(john)
Honored Contributor
Posts: 33,056
Registered: ‎05-17-2010

Re: MANY FRIENDS NO LONGER AROUND


@hckynut wrote:

 


@Shanus wrote:

I don’t know whether I’m happy or sad to read I’m not alone in this predicament. 


 

 

 

@Shanus 

 

Either way "??? loves company", for whatever that is worth. My choice is to take full responsibility for my happiness regardless of "As the world turns".

 

My very best to you and have a good weekend.

 

 

 

hckynut(john)


Back at you @hckynut . 😊

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,917
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: MANY FRIENDS NO LONGER AROUND

@hckynut @I am a very light sleeper who has difficulty falling asleep.My dh wakes me often for one reason or another and then I find myself tossing and turning.I do kick myself in the butt most days but I am not the fun,entertaining person that I once was.I find myself in survival mode at times when I haven’t slept much.I used to draw people like flies as my dh likes to say but I find myself withdrawing now.I am vacationing  with 16 friends at this time but I find that I would prefer a quieter vacation.