MANY FRIENDS NO LONGER AROUND

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

Some of my friends have retired and moved away. Other friends moved to be closer to grandchildren. Unfortunately, girlfriends have passed away or are going through serious illnesses and no longer wish to solicalize. If I add the ones who have gotten divorced through the years and moved into single women’s groups, well, my group of friends has greatly diminished.

At almost 71, I find it more difficult to make a “close” friend. The best I can hope for is an acquaintance...a “let’s meet for lunch” friend. I do volunteer work, am active in art’s council, have my own part time jobs (which are solitary) and talk to women at the gym. Many seem self involved and have their own groups and at this point in life, not willing to include others.

Is anyone else facing these issues as age creeps up?

wagirl · ‎03-09-2010

@Shanus----I'm the same way. Most my friends dumped me when I was going thru cancer. I still have a few physical issues from the after math of all that, so alot of things are harder to do. One good friend lives in AZ , most the women I know are still working or have grand kids, which I don't, so that time is spent with them. Not much for volunteering either. Have a hubs but he would rather deal with his muscle cars and the guys with them. Family is all still working too, or live hours away. I'm 65. I worked in retail for 20 years so got real fed up with dealing with stupidity, both corporate and public.Not feeling sorry for myself--just the way it is. and thats ok.

kaydee50 · ‎02-07-2011

@Shanus Absolutely in the same position. But as we age I don't think we can expect the same type of friendships we had when we were younger, i.e., being with the same people at school or work all day. Like you I do volunteer work and exercise classes but only see the people for an hour or 2 at a time.

We moved to Chicago 3 years ago. The women I've met have lived here most of their lives and have their social lives pretty much set. I understand that. I am still in touch with high school classmates and return to my hometown, NYC, a couple of times of year to visit friends and family.

Fortunately, I was always good at "entertaining myself" and have no problems doing things on my own. DH joins me on occasion but not always.

So, I have no advice to give you but your circumstances are not unusual and your are not alone!

50Mickey · ‎05-21-2010

@Shanus Oh yes Shanus I am there also. I moved away from where I lived for 67 years last year. Left good friends behind. I had a group of friends all around the same age from my old neighborhood. We socialized and got together for lunch, parties or just in each other's back yards for happy hour. I had walking buddies. Even though I live near my daughter's family I miss my friends. So I made an effort to get to know some of my neighbors. I invited them over for get togethers and small parties. I called one and aksed if she wanted to go shopping. She did. You just need to make the first move. It's hard but so far I haven't had anyone not be receptive to make a new friend.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@Shanus I was just thinking about this the other day. I'm 65 and some of my friends have moved away. Even though I still keep in touch it's not the same when I only see them a few times a year if that.

I still live in the same house (over 27 years) where we raised our kids. The community has been changing. Old neighbors are moving and young families are moving in....it feels a bit unsettling to me. Just on my street I have new (as in the last couple of years) next door neighbors, two new families across the street as well as a new one directly behind me. I used to be close friends with the woman behind me who moved to Florida.

We're not ready to move and I just don't know where we would go anyway. I don't want to move far from my kids who are both an hour away in the city and it's nice they can come home whenever....I would hate to be very far. Yet we hate the long cold winters here in the northeast and have considered becoming snowbirds. Again where and what sort of community would we go to? For me having friends is very important. While I can keep myself entertained I must have girlfriends to hang out with and do things that my husband doesn't care to do. To complicate things my DH has a lot of health issues and is very picky about here he can live.

Right now I still work on my own little business. I have an Etsy shop where I work on in our basement...it's taken over the space as well as most of the garage. It keeps me busy and brings in some extra money. However it is also solitary and I need to get out often to mingle with people.

So this issue has been on my mind a lot lately as I know it's only going to get worse unless I actively do something about it. Last winter I learned how to play Mah Jonng and joined a group that meets on Monday afternoons.

esmerelda · ‎03-10-2010

@Shanus The same is true for me. My newer friends have husbands and time with them is less than it would be if they were not married. But I like their husbands too. One friend (sister in another life) has grandchildren and still works (self employed) and we have to work at meshing schedules.

However, for better or worse, I do enjoy my own company so much, I hadn’t really thought about it until you posted it.

*********************
Keepin' it real.

Jamma · ‎03-10-2010

You lose friends when you become a widow.

jeanlake · ‎03-10-2010

S - I understand what you're saying and it's common. I've been caught off guard that 60s decade seems to be about social and health changes. Lately, a lot of loss that's difficult to put into words. I could go on about health of loved ones. AND, I'm noticing a grumpiness / personality change happening with some long friendships as they age. Not easy to be around.

You're doing good things -- changing the game - involved in activities and good causes. You're open, which is a big part of relationships. I don't know what to do about my personal changes so I lean towards mindfulness practices and gratitude to help make my days more pleasant and help me adjust to change. Peace to you. I understand what you're expressing.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

@haddon9 wrote:
@Shanus I was just thinking about this the other day. I'm 65 and some of my friends have moved away. Even though I still keep in touch it's not the same when I only see them a few times a year if that.

I still live in the same house (over 27 years) where we raised our kids. The community has been changing. Old neighbors are moving and young families are moving in....it feels a bit unsettling to me. Just on my street I have new (as in the last couple of years) next door neighbors, two new families across the street as well as a new one directly behind me. I used to be close friends with the woman behind me who moved to Florida.

We're not ready to move and I just don't know where we would go anyway. I don't want to move far from my kids who are both an hour away in the city and it's nice they can come home whenever....I would hate to be very far. Yet we hate the long cold winters here in the northeast and have considered becoming snowbirds. Again where and what sort of community would we go to? For me having friends is very important. While I can keep myself entertained I must have girlfriends to hang out with and do things that my husband doesn't care to do. To complicate things my DH has a lot of health issues and is very picky about here he can live.

Right now I still work on my own little business. I have an Etsy shop where I work on in our basement...it's taken over the space as well as most of the garage. It keeps me busy and brings in some extra money. However it is also solitary and I need to get out often to mingle with people.

So this issue has been on my mind a lot lately as I know it's only going to get worse unless I actively do something about it. Last winter I learned how to play Mah Jonng and joined a group that meets on Monday afternoons.

my Mahj groups are a life saver to me,

I just love the game

dex · ‎03-09-2010

I find that I don’t sleep well anymore and can be just too tired to motivate myself to go places.The days I am feeling well rested give me more energy but I never know when days those will be ahead of time to make plans.I find keeping friends becomes an effort that takes more energy than I own.I have less friends that I am close to ...I love people but they can wear me out now.