Love... - Page 3

Big Sister · ‎05-15-2010

I believe the most important thing in the world is to love and be loved.

Jtdmum · ‎03-17-2010

You are stronger than anything that faces you. When my demons arrive I continue to tell myself i would not be who I am without my past experiences.

I will be thinking of you and praying for your peace all day. You are blessed, you are loved and you will be fine, You WILL rise to the top.

This is what my mom taught me. She was more than wonderful as was dad. Unfortunately the babysitter was not but was dealt with.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@Still keeper of the koi I saw your post yesterday, but didn't Have time to reply. I have some time now with no interruptions expected.

i was very fortunate that I had loving parents. But I have friends who did not. They are all adults now and their parents are deceased, but their pain is still raw. They were abused physically and emotionally and even abandoned and told they were not wanted Because they were ugly and evil.

Feeling unloved is an awful thing. You need to tell yourself and truly believe that you are lovable, and you are. There is nothing wrong with you. You are a beautiful person.

Your Mother, however is flawed. She can’t be fixed because she is so broken. Even if she wants to be better, she doesn’t know how and isn’t capable. There is nothing you can do to help her get better. She has dug a hole so deep, that even if she wants to get out, she can’t. I am sure she is in pain and feels guilty. I can tell because she is still making excuses for her past behavior. She is confiding in your DH hoping that he will see his way to forgive her. She can’t forgive herself, but won’t admit it.

The way to heal is to love yourself. I know you have a wonderful husband who adores you. He sees your beautiful heart and chose to be your soul mate.

If it makes you feel better, tell your mother you forgive her, then don’t let her hurt you again. Decide if you want her to be in your life, if not, don’t feel guilty.

If you are not ready to forgive her, please tell her you want her out of your life and to stop bothering you and your DH and don’t feel guilty about it.

Either way is okay. YOU and only you are in control. She can’t hurt you anymore and you are not going to let her.

I know it is difficult. One of my friends who was adopted was treated badly by her mother. She had to sleep on two chairs pushed together under the kitchen table for years. She was beaten for wanting to go to high school and was not allowed to turn on the lights to do her homework. She was the full time housekeeper for them since she was about 5 years old.

When she graduated from HS and got a job, her whole paycheck was taken from her. She married someone just to get away. When her parents got sick, she took care of them. When her mother died and the will was read, everything was left to the other girl they adopted and loved, even though that girl had nothing to do with them for years. There were really nasty comments directed to her in the will as well.

My friend is in her 70’s now and still cries over her terrible treatment and feelings of being unloved as a child. She too had broken parents.

It’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Fate dealt you a bad hand in life, but you can always choose to fold and start a new game.

May you be blessed. Peace to you and your DH.

Still keeper of the koi · ‎05-04-2017

@Big Sister,you said it perfectly,In the end when all the pretty wrapping paper is gone only the heart remains..Sending you sweet girl a hug and love,MaryAnne

phoenixbrd · ‎03-27-2010

@kitcat51 My heart goes out to those who have suffered so greatly and so needlessly, KitCat you have discovered the choice of freedom,,,,you have let go of the needless cycle of continual suffering as a result of heinous actions, Recognizing each of us will eventually will be responsible for our actions and there will be consequences and that we are held captive if we don't, we can release our horrors that we have experienced,

I was watching a film on the Tibetan people who suffered so greatly for years when the Chinese invaded Tibet; they were ruthless. The Dalai Lama ask one of the rinpoches, who was imprisoned for ten years and subjected to horrific physical torture on a routine basis, what was the worse you faced during those ten years. His reply was that he feared that he would not be able to forgive those who tortured!

Your dream was your release, You let go of the needless cycle of suffering and your grandfather will face his consequences, I find that meditation as well as other practices strengthens me to continue to find compassion/kindness with challenges, Nature is also a great healer, Letting go of the unfairness that we/and others face is a daunting task, Living our lives with that mission rather than consistently reliving the suffering is a formidable task, that most of us face, When all else fails, the simple (or not so simple) exercise of concentrating on breath and letting all else go can offer solace, Thank you for sharing your experience so that others might also release the cycle of painful experiences. I wish you much joy and light for the rest of your life,

@kitcat51 wrote:
My grandfather sexually abused me when I was 6 & when I told my parents my mom beat me with a brush because she thought I was lying. I carried all of this confusing hurt with me & in my mid 20's after my grandfather died I had dream...I was standing in a courtroom in front of a judge, next to him was my grandfather sitting in a chair & the judge asked me..Does he go to Heaven or Hell? I thought about it & turned & walked away realizing it wasn't my responsibility to say, none of what happened to me was my fault & I finally could be free of it & at peace. I'm sharing this hoping others abused will find a way to peace too. Blessings.

Fiero Woman · ‎10-02-2017

MaryAnne. Do not dispair. I also was a child of physical abuse. I lived thru it and when I was older I became stronger because of it. I am a strong woman and will never be abused again. I turned to Jesus for help and he has stood by my side, along with my Angel. Prayer is awesome and so is meditation. You must not blame yourself, you did nothing. You are a victim. Self healing can come if you try. I volunteer at a wildlife hospital, help elderly who are neighbors. active in comunity activities. Recsue wild animals, nurse and release them when they are old enough and I am the mom to 3 fur babies. Love is all around you and is yours for the taking. Hugs

Silver Lining · ‎04-16-2010

@Carmie wrote:
@Still keeper of the koi I saw your post yesterday, but didn't Have time to reply. I have some time now with no interruptions expected.

i was very fortunate that I had loving parents. But I have friends who did not. They are all adults now and their parents are deceased, but their pain is still raw. They were abused physically and emotionally and even abandoned and told they were not wanted Because they jwere ugly and evil.

Feeling unloved is an awful thing. You need to tell yourself and truly believe that you are lovable, and you are. There is nothing wrong with you. You are a beautiful person.

Your Mother, however is flawed. She can’t be fixed because she is so broken. Even if she wants to be better, she doesn’t know how and isn’t capable. There is nothing you can do to help her get better. She has dug a hole so deep, that even if she wants to get out, she can’t. I am sure she is in pain and feels guilty. I can tell because she is still making excuses for her past behavior. She is confiding in your DH hoping that he will see his way to forgive her. She can’t forgive herself, but won’t admit it.

The way to heal is to love yourself. I know you have a wonderful husband who adores you. He sees your beautiful heart and chose to be your soul mate.

If it makes you feel better, tell your mother you forgive her, then don’t let her hurt you again. Decide if you want her to be in your life, if not, don’t feel guilty.

If you are not ready to forgive her, please tell her you want her out of your life and to stop bothering you and your DH and don’t feel guilty about it.

Either way is okay. YOU and only you are in control. She can’t hurt you anymore and you are not going to let her.

I know it is difficult. One of my friends who was adopted was treated badly by her mother. She had to sleep on two chairs pushed together under the kitchen table for years. She was beaten for wanting to go to high school and was not allowed to turn on the lights to do her homework. She was the full time housekeeper for them since she was about 5 years old.

When she graduated from HS and got a job, her whole paycheck was taken from her. She married someone just to get away. When her parents got sick, she took care of them. When her mother died and the will was read, everything was left to the other girl they adopted and loved, even though that girl had nothing to do with them for years. There were really nasty comments directed to her in the will as well.

My friend is in her 70’s now and still cries over her terrible treatment and feelings of being unloved as a child. She too had broken parents.

It’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Fate dealt you a bad hand in life, but you can always choose to fold and start a new game.

May you be blessed. Peace to you and your DH.

@Carmie, your friend's story makes me cry. She was placed for adoption for whatever reason and then was mistreated,neglected, abused and used by the people who adopted her. There is no excuse for the behavior of the so-called parents. After years of suffering such cruelty she still took care of her "mother" who literally went to her grave as the hateful woman she had always been to her daughter. Her will was her final spiteful act.

I have seen many cases where one child in a family is scapegoated, singled out by a parent. I'm a social worker and probably shouldn't say it but I sort of hate your friend's adopted mother. I admire and respect your friend. She could have gone an entirely different way. None of what happened to her from being placed for adoption to being hurt by those people was her fault. I'm sending out warm thoughts and affection to her. I won't go into it now but I know there really is something to directing sincere supportive feelings to another person.

Silver Lining · ‎04-16-2010

@kitcat51 wrote:
My grandfather sexually abused me when I was 6 & when I told my parents my mom beat me with a brush because she thought I was lying. I carried all of this confusing hurt with me & in my mid 20's after my grandfather died I had dream...I was standing in a courtroom in front of a judge, next to him was my grandfather sitting in a chair & the judge asked me..Does he go to Heaven or Hell? I thought about it & turned & walked away realizing it wasn't my responsibility to say, none of what happened to me was my fault & I finally could be free of it & at peace. I'm sharing this hoping others abused will find a way to peace too. Blessings.

Thank you so much for telling about your dream and how it brought you peace. I would like to tell two people I know very personally whom it might help. One of them told his mother who refused to believe him and was then punished. The other kept the sexual abuse secret for thirty years before finally talking about it.

Silver Lining · ‎04-16-2010

@Still keeper of the koi, you are still in my thoughts. I hope I haven't side-tracked the thread.

kitcat51 · ‎09-15-2016

@phoenixbrd wrote:
@kitcat51 My heart goes out to those who have suffered so greatly and so needlessly, KitCat you have discovered the choice of freedom,,,,you have let go of the needless cycle of continual suffering as a result of heinous actions, Recognizing each of us will eventually will be responsible for our actions and there will be consequences and that we are held captive if we don't, we can release our horrors that we have experienced,

I was watching a film on the Tibetan people who suffered so greatly for years when the Chinese invaded Tibet; they were ruthless. The Dali Llama ask one of the rinpoches, who was imprisoned for ten years and subjected to horrific physical torture on a routine basis, what was the worse you faced during those ten years. His reply was that he feared that he would not be able to forgive those who tortured!

Your dream was your release, You let go of the needless cycle of suffering and your grandfather will face his consequences, I find that meditation as well as other practices strengthens me to continue to find compassion/kindness with challenges, Nature is also a great healer, Letting go of the unfairness that we/and others face is a daunting task, Living our lives with that mission rather than consistently reliving the suffering is a formidable task, that most of us face, When all else fails, the simple (or not so simple) exercise of concentrating on breath and letting all else go can offer solace, Thank you for sharing your experience so that others might also release the cycle of painful experiences. I wish you much joy and light for the rest of your life,

@kitcat51 wrote:
My grandfather sexually abused me when I was 6 & when I told my parents my mom beat me with a brush because she thought I was lying. I carried all of this confusing hurt with me & in my mid 20's after my grandfather died I had dream...I was standing in a courtroom in front of a judge, next to him was my grandfather sitting in a chair & the judge asked me..Does he go to Heaven or Hell? I thought about it & turned & walked away realizing it wasn't my responsibility to say, none of what happened to me was my fault & I finally could be free of it & at peace. I'm sharing this hoping others abused will find a way to peace too. Blessings.