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Black Cat Back · ‎03-21-2010

I can totally understand why you needed to not call your friend today. It's a lot to take in day after day. It is taxing on you too. It sounds like she's getting care from her family now, so she's not alone. I'm sure she appreciates hearing from you when you can. But you have to do self care too and step away sometimes just for a little distance from the tragic situation.

It was a rainy day here. We don't get a lot of rain in the Phoenix area. It has been raining nearly all day. I had to get up and take an old computer to the recycling event at my city where I work. I stayed and went into my work bldg and did 30 min on the treadmill in our gym. I came back and did 3 days worth of dishes (so hard to do dishes after eating after work and getting up so early)... and then laundry. I went for an hour walk in the rain which I love and plan to lift weights tonight while watching the Gabby Giffords special on CNN about her rehab after being shot here in AZ. She is quite a remarkable woman.

To give you an idea of the people who are my "friends," there is one woman who used to be a mgr in my office. She had a lot of health issues and had to resign. I kept in touch with her every week while she was going through tests and awaiting results. She has a child, parents and siblings, she's not alone. She came through a lot of her health issues and one day I texted and asked if we could talk as I needed someone to talk to. She said sure and asked if we could wait a few days since she had needs with her kid. Fine I appreciated it. She never called me when she said she would. I let a few days go by and texted and asked if I had not understood that maybe I was supposed to call her, and she apologized and said she forgot. I understood, but she never said we could try again... or even asked how I was doing. I just left it alone. She forgot my birthday in Oct and when she texted me a happy thanksgiving text... after not hearing from her in a month I asked in my response if something was wrong or if I did something... she again was sorry she had been dealing with some co-parenting stuff. Again, I understood, yet she still hasn't asked how I'm doing knowing I was needing a friend to talk to.

Today is Carol's birthday. I texted her a happy birthday text. There's a gal in our office that I know never checked on her during her illness or after she left the city. Her name is Ruth. So I get a response to my birthday text from Carol and it says, "Thanks, Ruth mailed me the most beautiful card." I couldn't believe that response. Was she trying to tell me my text wasn't adequate enough? Why even tell me about Ruth's card? The fact she wrote "mailed," just cracked me up. I so wanted to text her back, "Sorry my wishes were only via text," or say "At least I remembered your birthday," but what's the purpose. Her comment was so rude. I didn't deserve that after all the time I've spent checking on her and being there for her. She was also harassed and abused by our former boss at work and when she brought charges against her, she put me down as a witness and I was interviewed. I was there for her constantly. But to put in her response that someone else sent her a beautiful card... it's just sad. It would never cross my mind to say that to someone who remembered me. Say thank you and that's it.

People just take advantage and take people for granted... but what bothers me the most is they take advantage of people who have been there for them. That is the part that just aggrevates me.

Sorry I am venting... it just upsets me when people are so cavelier with others. People like us who care and are there for others... are rare... when you take advantage, it shows how terribly spoiled they are.

Do you think I should have a comeback for her or just ignore it and ignore her totally. There is no friendship there... it's one sided and I'm tired of giving my heart only to have it walked on over and over.

Give a hug to Melanie for me. She loves you so much! Hugs and Love to you!!

Fyi... I changed the names of the people I know that I mentioned but just wanted to keep them separate so you knew who I was talking about.

qvcaddition · ‎03-10-2010

@Black Cat Back

I am glad you got the exercise done, because it,s so good and uplifting.

It also rained here in Ca. today, all day. We need it so bad.

As far as the lady you gave the HB tex. you tried on your part to be friends and she may be very busy, but If it were me, i would wait for her to get in touch with you now. You tried, wait and see what she does. That is how I would handle it, but you have to decide that for yourself.

I was approved today for an internet discount . I have been on this program trying for two weeks tomorrow. Filled app. Online, but couldn,t upload my income with my Chrome so mailed it. Kept making phone calls and they needed this and that. Did everything, but depends who you speak with each time you call, everyone gives you different answers. Seems like no one knows their job today. Well today, I got an email APPROVED, I QUALIFIED.

Yea, that is 30.00 a month less on my internet. Then I had to call the Internet company, give them the information, so they connect with the ACP company . Now that is done. It was a lot of work, but I hung in there and figured things out . My son said, Mom, you are like a dog with a bone. You don,t give up. Not when it comes to saving money, especially when your income is limited.

Yes, it does make me sad sometime when you are nice to people and they turn on you. I could give you so many stories with grandchildren where I gave so much love, time and money and no word. I cried many days and nights. I still hurt very much. One was my golden child, my sister said. I think , I mentioned everything I did for him with love. Not a word. He thinks he,s too good for grandma with his money, travels, etc.

There are good people who are there for me without me asking. So his lost.

Going to visit my friend today.. Hkpefully, some of her pain has diminished with the fentyl she was given. . I dId call yesterday and was told it did. My sister called tonight,, and her cousin got breast cancer the same way ignoring the lump. I don,t understand that. I had one and got a ultrasound and it was ok. You can,t hide your head in the sand like that. You end up getting kicked in the butt.

Ok take care and let these people come to you . That,s my advise, but you do what you need to do. Hugs and have a pleasant Sunday.

Black Cat Back · ‎03-21-2010

@qvcaddition

I'm sorry I didn't respond yesterday. I'm not feeling good.

I'm glad you got your discount from the cable company. Sure have to go through hoops for anything these days. I know that is a load off for you.

I know you said you were going to visit your friend on Sunday. I'm sure that is an emotional experience and very hard. I can't imagine the pain and seeing her suffer so much. You are a great person.

I feel bad I have nothing to share today. I'm just feeling under the weather and just can't focus much. Please know I appreciate you checking in with me.

Love and hugs.

qvcaddition · ‎03-10-2010

@Black Cat Back

I hope it's nothing serious. I received a phone call yesterday from her family not to visit. She has been very medicated.

The complete family was there and I suspect this is the end. I feel it is OK, because she is in so much pain.

I spoke to her brother yesterday and he said the Dr. is visiting this morning. The same happen to her Father four years ago, and he passed that hour.

I asked the brother if I could I call this afternoon, and he said yes.

I don't think she will make it today.

He said, the whole thing could have been avoided if she had gone and got the lump taking care of in the beginning instead of ignoring it. Her Father did the same and died of Colon cancer. It is so important to get the necessary check up and test. Her poor Mother, losing her best friend. This girl was the only child that did so much for her Mother.

She has another daughter on a pacemaker. That one is 70+.

The Mother is 96 and Alzheimer's. That family is going through a very hard time right now.

Well, I hope you feel better and it's not serious, just tired from all your stress. You take care and don't worry about not answering right away. Just rest. Love, hugs from me and Melanie, and prayers.

Black Cat Back · ‎03-21-2010

@qvcaddition

Hi...

Thanks for your patience. Did you hear anything today (Tuesday) from the family of your friend? I'm sure each day is difficult not knowing.

I'm ok... just extremely tired and had a sinus headache the other day. It rained here all day Sat & part of Sunday and it gave me a sinus headache. My head was full and ears stuffed up. I have dry eyes, so I cannot take any congestion meds like antihistamines. So, I suffer with bad headaches.

I'm hanging in there. Going to see 2 properties tomorrow after work that are near my office. One I'm not thrilled about after driving there at lunch and the other one is a possibility, although an older property. More seem to be coming in and some have had rents go down since they aren't moving fast, which is a good sign, hopefully. I'm just tired thinking about it and worrying. I'm not real good at not worrying until things straighten out.

Work will be stressful next week as the new director they hired starts on Monday. She wasn't my choice of candidates, so I'm disappointed. I hope she will be ok and not change too many things from how they are now. Too much change... I'll go nuts!

Problem I have is when I'm so tired after work, I am too tired to cook or make anything good. I eat better on the weekends or the evenings of the days I work from home (Mondays & Thursdays). Otherwise,I'm just too tired to even fuss. Not good I know,but can barely keep my eyes open tonight and it's only 8pm here.

Thanks for checking in and understanding my delay. My love to you and Melanie. Your friendship is so special to me. Love and hugs!

qvcaddition · ‎03-10-2010

@Black Cat Back

Sorry about the health problem. The only thing tthat gets rid of a headache for me is Excedrin.

I spoke with the son , her brother yesterday. He is so stressed . Now has full responsibility of Mother and sister.

He lives on the property, separate house. The mother has a big ranch. Lots of acres. He said it is hell..

His sister heavily medicated and his mothers mind is gone. I didn't realize in the 64 years I have known this family how fractured they are.

They always presented them selves as a big happy family on the Holidays.

Nothing is as it seems.

My friend says her daughter will be ok by Christmas. That's how out of it she is, which might be a blessing. This was her favorite child.

I am going over this morning for about an hour. She will not remember I was there, but the daughter who is dying will, although very heavily medicated now.

The son needs to get someone in to help him with the Mother. She is 96, but strong. I offered to help but can't bE there 24/7. They need professional help. Money is no problem.

I am glad things are moving for you as far as looking at property..

Cal. Is finally getting rain.

I still cook my meals, but keep a couple frozen ones in case I 'm to tired to cook.

When I was working, I would make a few meals on the weekend to last for the week. Like soups, or stew, spaghetti sauce,etc.

I still do the same even though I have the time now, but at 86, I,m tired at the end of the day. I also get a Costco chicken. It's cheap and last a few days, or I slice it , freeze some and make Chicken soup out of the carcus.

Meal for a week.

Take care. Hugs to you, be well

qvcaddition · ‎03-10-2010

@Black Cat Back

I hope you are OK. I know busy week for you, but just checking in.

I finally went to see the mom and daughter. I was welcomed with open arms from the Son and his wife.

Twenty years ago, I performed their wedding and they are still going strong. They do have a good marriage. Good, because they are going through difficult times.

This is a couple that are bright, but refuse to use a computer or any ipads. It would be very hard for me living alone not to be able to be in the world without it, but we did many years ago and it was a better time.

He said, he only pays 35.00 a month for cable, no Internet.

All they watch is the news and of course today, their time is spent in caregiving to Mother and the Sister who is dying.

They also treat horses in their business. They have two themselves. At the wedding, the bride rode in on a horse on her Father's ranch. It was beautiful.

Getting to my friend's daughter who from the looks of it yesterday has gone way downhill. The Hospice nurse was there changing her dressing and they have a hospital bed.

She is so heavily sedated, she can barely walk. The Son said, they need to regulate her meds. At least she said, she is not in pain. Her Father died four years ago in the very same room, Dec. 16. The poor Mother, to have a child die before you.

They are going to put the mom in a very good home after this is done. My feeling is, get someone in to take care of her, so she can live out her days in her own surrounding, but who knows what we would do if we were faced with this situation.

The other Grandmother on the wife's side is 99 years old and will be 100 in Jan 2023. They drop her off at Trader Joe's and she does some shopping. Amazing. We never know what life has in store for us, so we need to make the most of everyday and find some beauty and peace in our lives, something good, everyday.

When the gardens open next April, I will go back to volunteering, because it's a beautiful place and I can do what I do best, walk and talk. That is a joke, but more truth in it.

I am not going to bother you again, until I hear from you, so when you are feeling better and want to converse, I'll check back here. Prayers, love and hugs.

Black Cat Back · ‎03-21-2010

@qvcaddition

I'm so sorry I've been bad about writing. You are NEVER bothering me. I feel bad during the week, it's harder for me to get on the computer at night.

I'm glad you got to visit with the family/friends. You make a difference in so many lives, that is obvious. I am sure they all appreciate you being there and checking in.

The properties I saw weren't that great. One was so old (I'm coming from an old place) and they covered up a lot of flaws. I always have to laugh at people who put their property up for rent but fail to fix things like door locks, windows, window coverings. They will have to fix them before someone moves in, but it's not a very nice view of how well they care for things. The toilet at one place was dirty. Ick! Also, one unit all the windows faced west. Well here in Scottsdale, in the extremely hot summer, facing west is the worst, higher A/C bills and hard to keep your place cool. I look at all those issues.

The other complex was so crowded, poorly laid out. There was hardly any room to even drive around the facility. I had to laugh that a moving truck couldn't even park there. I don't want that type of living situation. My RE Agent said not to worry, something will come up. I have to have faith.

I wish I could shake my doubts. I just have to keep going. I'm doing all I can. Sometimes I don't give myself a break, I just feel guilty.

Last night I went outside because it smelled like smoke in my neighborhood, probably fireplaces, but it was strong. I scared a black cat that must have been lying in my patio. He jumped on the wall and I said in a soothing voice, "I'm sorry little guy, don't be scared." I turned around and heard a meow. He had walked back on the wall. He is black so hard to see. I guess my soothing voice said friend not foe. I talked to him awhile, his tail was swinging. Then he jumped off to the other side of the wall. I hope he'll be ok. He seemed too friendly for a ferel cat, but had no collar. I'll check tonight to see if he's back. I don't like it when cat owners don't keep their cats indoors. It's so unsafe for them. Nice to have a little visitor.

Thanks again for your patience. I'm sorry I'm not the best correspondent. Love and Hugs to you and Melanie!