Among Friends

[Still keeper of the koi]

@Shanus, You deserve some me time.You are one of the kindest posters I have met here.Unfourtunatly some things are unchangeable.I still have my mom here with me , she is well into her 80s,she is very spry,eats little ,moves quickly, I think she does it to prove she isn't an old lady.She is very driven to live.She now says I need her help here,I have too much to do.I guess I am more like her than I thought!Her sisters who are are younger, are living very sedentary lives by choice,limiting social interactions.My mother wears Victoria's secret blingy leggings ,perfume ,lipstick, matching handbags and shoes ,and has many phone calls here on her Samsung 9s,can operate a smart phone better than me! Sometimes it is just the person I guess.Take time,no guilt to enjoy your life on your terms,your choices..Sending you love and hugs,Sweet friend,MaryAnne

[151949]

My parents died when they were 67 & 72 as the result of a car accident. I would gladly "put up" with having to deal with their elderly parent issues if I could have had them a while longer.

As for your Mom - it really sounds like she is at the point of needing to go to a assisted care facility of some kind. You should start looking in to the various levels of care available out there for her.

[Shanus]

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@Still keeper of the koi wrote:

@Shanus, You deserve some me time.You are one of the kindest posters I have met here.Unfourtunatly some things are unchangeable.I still have my mom here with me , she is well into her 80s,she is very spry,eats little ,moves quickly, I think she does it to prove she isn't an old lady.She is very driven to live.She now says I need her help here,I have too much to do.I guess I am more like her than I thought!Her sisters who are are younger, are living very sedentary lives by choice,limiting social interactions.My mother wears Victoria's secret blingy leggings ,perfume ,lipstick, matching handbags and shoes ,and has many phone calls here on her Samsung 9s,can operate a smart phone better than me! Sometimes it is just the person I guess.Take time,no guilt to enjoy your life on your terms,your choices..Sending you love and hugs,Sweet friend,MaryAnne

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@Still keeper of the koi  MaryAnne, I always enjoy your heartfelt posts. I appreciate your advice and will do my best to heed what you said. Best wishes for you & your Mom. 😘

[Shanus]

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@151949 wrote:

My parents died when they were 67 & 72 as the result of a car accident. I would gladly "put up" with having to deal with their elderly parent issues if I could have had them a while longer.

As for your Mom - it really sounds like she is at the point of needing to go to a assisted care facility of some kind. You should start looking in to the various levels of care available out there for her.

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@151949 A belated I’m sorry you lost your folks so young. That is painful.

There is assisted living on the property and a committee that evaluates the residents once a month to judge if they’re no longer capable of living alone. So far, they feel she’s doing OK. We brought the subject up w/ her & she went ballistic. It’s off the table for now.

[Shanus]

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@Puppy Lips wrote:

I am sorry you are going through this.  I have to say though that I can see myself being like this at 90 years old.  She has to be depressed.  It would be hard not to be. Her husband is gone, she feels like cr*p, and she is lonely.  Of course she has control over her health and social life.  But when you are depressed, it is difficult to make the effort to change anything.

You are doing your best to care for her and you have nothing to feel bad about.  Enjoy the time you do have with her and leave it at that.

Thank you for telling us about your Aunt.  My Aunt is like that too, and I need to pay more attention to what she does to stay so healthy and active.  Thank you for sharing your experience.

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Hi @Puppy Lips. I smile every time I see your nic. Good advice and am also following my aunt’s example. I hope in 20 yrs., I’ll still be on these forums (if all this still exists) bi*ching and moaning about what I don’t like on the Q.

[pattiewaddle]

Im 77 and just lost my husband  we were married for 59 yrs....As of Tuesday just found out  that Im diabetic. The responces  have really shaken me  to my core as I can see what can happen to me.....Im alone family 900 miles away and I  find myself sitting here with my laptop or the tv blaring....because his passing was so recent  I do have things to do that have me out of the house.....my mom was alot like what has  been written and she went

to assisted living and I saw big change in her for the better....she had people to talk to and never felt alone anymore.....she told me many times I don't know  why I waited so long ......Dad was  different  and very difficult to handle. Parents were divorced when I was 16. each case is different.....will be thinking of you and have you in my prayers......

[Shanus]

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@pattiewaddle wrote:

Im 77 and just lost my husband  we were married for 59 yrs....As of Tuesday just found out  that Im diabetic. The responces  have really shaken me  to my core as I can see what can happen to me.....Im alone family 900 miles away and I  find myself sitting here with my laptop or the tv blaring....because his passing was so recent  I do have things to do that have me out of the house.....my mom was alot like what has  been written and she went

to assisted living and I saw big change in her for the better....she had people to talk to and never felt alone anymore.....she told me many times I don't know  why I waited so long ......Dad was  different  and very difficult to handle. Parents were divorced when I was 16. each case is different.....will be thinking of you and have you in my prayers......

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@pattiewaddle. So sorry for your recent loss. I’m almost 70, married at 21 and it’ll be 49 yrs. in Aug. You must have gotten married in diapers. Don’t give my situation a thought...you take care and be good to yourself. I feel so badly for your situation. Hope all is rainbows for you before too long. 💕

Shanus

[hckynut]

@Shanus

I am sorry you are going through this with your mother, and know to some degree how you might feel. To me, once a person reaches this stage in their life, the chances of seeing a change are very small. It has to be heart wrenching to watch and be an important part of your mother's life.

In the mid 1960's I watched my mother slowly deteriorate from her health issues. It was for different reasons than your mother. In that era of time, there was none of the present knowledge available today, for heart disease issues. Back then it was "don't do this/don't do that", take it as easy as possible.

My mother was an exact opposite of your mother, her deterioration was due to the things she wanted to do, but doctors told her not to do. I watched her slowly, 1 don't do at a time, deteriorate because of the limitations given her by her doctors. She was independent and did not like or want others to "do for her". She went through that till the night she died, and I unfortunately saw and could do nothing to change it. But for the "times", my mother might have lived many more happy years in her life.

I am very sorry just reading this. My very best to you and you family,

hckynut(john)

[FastDogWalker2]

Kardi-what a thoughtful, kind response. Thank you.

[Shanus]

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@hckynut wrote:

@Shanus

I am sorry you are going through this with your mother, and know to some degree how you might feel. To me, once a person reaches this stage in their life, the chances of seeing a change are very small. It has to be heart wrenching to watch and be an important part of your mother's life.

In the mid 1960's I watched my mother slowly deteriorate from her health issues. It was for different reasons than your mother. In that era of time, there was none of the present knowledge available today, for heart disease issues. Back then it was "don't do this/don't do that", take it as easy as possible.

My mother was an exact opposite of your mother, her deterioration was due to the things she wanted to do, but doctors told her not to do. I watched her slowly, 1 don't do at a time, deteriorate because of the limitations given her by her doctors. She was independent and did not like or want others to "do for her". She went through that till the night she died, and I unfortunately saw and could do nothing to change it. But for the "times", my mother might have lived many more happy years in her life.

I am very sorry just reading this. My very best to you and you family,

hckynut(john)

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@hckynut  Thanks, John for your support. You’ve obviously walked a similar path. Difficult, for sure.