Among Friends

[LilacTree]

This is such a sad, sad thread.  There are no bad guys here, just a loving family trying to deal.  My fervent wish, at age 78, is to depart this earth before my mind goes.  My disabilities are physical now and even so, I see that I could become a burden in a very few years. 

I don't want my family to have to deal with this heartbreaking situation and have told them if and when this begins to happen, to make other arrangements for me.  I will have the money, since I am getting Long Term Health Care benefits already for my physical disabilities.  That, plus my SS, should bring me to a decent facility. 

This is how I see it from the other side.

[Shop Till you Drop]

I'm sorry but I believe your husband and son need to have some compassion and understanding.  I'm sure these issues do not make since to your Mom, and she is not having a problem with her clothing.  Goodness I think ones need to quit thinking of themselves and think of others who need help, and love.  Tell them both to grow up and remember some day they too will be old and need help and love.  I wish you the best and pray for your Mom.

[ECBG]

Karen, there isn't anything I could add to what these ladies have said.

Please take care of yourself.  You're in my prayers.

[ladyroxanne]

@house_cat

just letting you know i'm thinking of you and wish you well.

[sunshine&rainbows]

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@LilacTree wrote:

This is such a sad, sad thread.  There are no bad guys here, just a loving family trying to deal.  My fervent wish, at age 78, is to depart this earth before my mind goes.  My disabilities are physical now and even so, I see that I could become a burden in a very few years. 

I don't want my family to have to deal with this heartbreaking situation and have told them if and when this begins to happen, to make other arrangements for me.  I will have the money, since I am getting Long Term Health Care benefits already for my physical disabilities.  That, plus my SS, should bring me to a decent facility. 

This is how I see it from the other side.

 

@house_cat

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Your family loves you, and with that comes no burdens. (see it from their side)

Please let them be with you, as they wish to be...

Let them love you as you deserved to be loved!

No regrets, just hold tight to each other as tight as you can.

Please let them love you as they want.

[LilacTree]

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@Sunshine&rainbows wrote:

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@LilacTree wrote:

This is such a sad, sad thread.  There are no bad guys here, just a loving family trying to deal.  My fervent wish, at age 78, is to depart this earth before my mind goes.  My disabilities are physical now and even so, I see that I could become a burden in a very few years. 

I don't want my family to have to deal with this heartbreaking situation and have told them if and when this begins to happen, to make other arrangements for me.  I will have the money, since I am getting Long Term Health Care benefits already for my physical disabilities.  That, plus my SS, should bring me to a decent facility. 

This is how I see it from the other side.

 

@house_cat

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Your family loves you, and with that comes no burdens. (see it from their side)

Please let them be with you, as they wish to be...

Let them love you as you deserved to be loved!

No regrets, just hold tight to each other as tight as you can.

Please let them love you as they want.

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Sunshine, that made me cry.  My family is coming down today to introduce us to my brother's new grandson . . . a new baby for the first time in many years . . . my grandnephew.  I can't wait to hold him.  I treasure these moments that I used to take for granted.

Thank you for your caring words.  Ford

[BohemianGal]

Everyone gave wonderful and helpful answers.

I can't add much, except to say that sometimes during these stressful times we gain the gift of learning great life lessons and spiritual growth....in this case it would be COMPASSION.  

Sendng Prayers and Blessings....

[sunshine&rainbows]

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@house_cat wrote:

Some of you know that my dad passed away recently and I'm living with my mom. She is 91 and gets very confused about simple things.  She can't live alone and we're in the middle of figuring out what to do next.

Here's the current issue:

My DH is wonderful with her, as he was with my dad. There is nothing he wouldn't do for them - for example, he took my mom to the Gyn last year when she was having a problem, because I couldn't take the day off from work. He sat there in the waiting room and he consulted with the doctor. That's just one example and one of the reasons I love him and respect him so much.  

Recently, Mom has gotten very lax about her appearance. She used to be fashion conscious and fastidious about hygiene, but for a number of reasons she has slacked off in that department. I make sure she showers and has clean clothes, but she has no sense of modesty.  She lost a lot of weight this last year, yet she insists on wearing sleevless tops that are way too loose. I bought her new ones that fit better, but she won't wear them until she "wears out" the older ones. Because of this, the armholes are too big and you can see into her shirt. Even though she wears a bra, DH finds it very upsetting.  He can't understand why she won't wear sleeves.  I bought her several lovely twin sets the last couple of years, but she insists she doesn't want to wear the top blouse around the house.  It's always warm here and she tends to be warm anyway, so she's comfortable with no sleeves.  I've told her in no uncertain terms, several times, that my husband and my son find it offensive to have to be in her company when they can see things they don't want to see.  Well, she doesn't get it.. insists there's nothing wrong with the way she's dressing. Even when I get her to acknowledge their concerns, she forgets the next day.

Tonight he told me that he will not be coming here for dinner any longer unless she starts covering up. 

What would you do in this situation?

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  @house_cat

                             This reminds me of my dear mother, God Bless her soul, she is not here with us now.

  A certain situation happened, and my son told me "mom Grandmas old now, let her be."

She basically lived in her night gown and robe, even when company came over.

  Sounds like your mom is forgetful, so this is the least of your worries,(clothes) please sit down and have a heart to heat with your family and what needs to be done in the future.

How would she want it to be handled? Respect that, you know your mother.

Clothes can become cumbersome or uncomfortable, it hurts their skin.

My mom towards the end of her years, wanted to be comfortable as she could, she denied dialysis and we had to respect her, even thou it was hard on us. It was harder on her and that's the part we tend to forget.

Please explain this to your family and respect her decisions, it has nothing to do with you or them.  I hope you can understand this... Remember the old days we took care of our own.

When I was in the midst of my own ordeal, I am sorry to say I was selfish... I did understand my mother she was tired and ready to go, as she told this to me so often and each time my heart would break into pieces and I would cry and be so selfish because I did not want to let her go. I feel guilty about this...

  Let your mom do what she wants to do to be comfortable at this time in her life.

91 years old! What a life she has lived, get all the stories about her life and you kids and family, grandma, grandpa, great grandma and great grandpas and aunts and uncles... let her tell you about when she was a teenager, your so lucky!

We brought my mom home to my sons house, where she passed away, and we were all there together, when she took her last breath we will always be together, forever... We take care of each other.

Take care of yourself so you can take care of others ~ sunshine&rainbows

[goldensrbest]

Please check ,where is housecat?, on community chat.