Just a general boyfriend question. - Page 6

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

It may take awhile to get him out, if you don't have a roommate contract. Be prepared. He may not have anywhere to go.

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

@missy1 wrote:
It may take awhile to get him out, if you don't have a roommate contract. Be prepared. He may not have anywhere to go.

The last time I had a roommate, I gave her two months to fill my spot after I left. She ended up picking this guy who'd been staying with friends and who I found out had a drug problem. I did some calling around after the check he gave me for the rent bounced. I can't imagine how this happened to her, especially since the rent was paid and she didn't have to rush. To make a long story short, I told her about his addiction and then went to the local police station to ask them for advice that I could pass on to her. The chief said if he is not on the lease all she had to do is call the cops if he wouldn't leave, and they would come and get him out.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@Ms X wrote:
@missy1 wrote:
It may take awhile to get him out, if you don't have a roommate contract. Be prepared. He may not have anywhere to go.
The last time I had a roommate, I gave her two months to fill my spot after I left. She ended up picking this guy who'd been staying with friends and who I found out had a drug problem. I did some calling around after the check he gave me for the rent bounced. I can't imagine how this happened to her, especially since the rent was paid and she didn't have to rush. To make a long story short, I told her about this and then went to the local police station to ask them for advice that I could pass on to her. The chief said if he is not on the lease all she had to do is call the cops if he wouldn't leave, and they would come and get him out.

The OP would have to get an eviction through the courts. If his mail goes there he is a resident, reguardless who the owner is or who leased it.

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

@missy1 wrote:
@Ms X wrote:
@missy1 wrote:
It may take awhile to get him out, if you don't have a roommate contract. Be prepared. He may not have anywhere to go.
The last time I had a roommate, I gave her two months to fill my spot after I left. She ended up picking this guy who'd been staying with friends and who I found out had a drug problem. I did some calling around after the check he gave me for the rent bounced. I can't imagine how this happened to her, especially since the rent was paid and she didn't have to rush. To make a long story short, I told her about this and then went to the local police station to ask them for advice that I could pass on to her. The chief said if he is not on the lease all she had to do is call the cops if he wouldn't leave, and they would come and get him out.

The OP would have to get an eviction through the courts. If his mail goes there he is a resident, reguardless who the owner is or who leased it.

Maybe this varies by state. That is not what the police chief told me. If he was not on the lease he did not have a right to stay.

Marienkaefer2 · ‎03-09-2010

@Hondagirl wrote:
There are issues that I did not get into.... Yes his work schedule has made our situation much harder but I did not mention that when he leaves work some days he heads to the bar and gets to the house when he feels like it. We have had many discussions about this and have had him leave for the night but he continues to do what he wants... So when this Saturday and Sunday work schedule put another wrench in our time it was not working for me again.... I work every day from 8:30 - 4:00 and can't keep taking days off to do something with BF... The other day he had off and I did not know. He ended up at the bar in the afternoon and came home again late. Dinner was made and I ate alone... Don't feel I need to put up with ****** from a BF but I do care for him and don't want to end it but the drinking will break us up one day...He said he would like to get another job but he likes all the people he works with and they like him... I will never or plan to ask him to change jobs.... I have a few more years to work before I retire and since he is younger than me he has many more years to work. No I am not bailing out on him but I am tired of putting up with anyone's ******...

@hondagirl

I see your answer in this post. According to what you've written here, it sounds to me like you should break up. You're not happy anymore with the way this is going. You're not married, so you do have the freedom to leave. One thing you should keep in mind: whether you stay or go, don't look to a partner to make you happy or fill your time. Get used to getting out on your own, making different friends and finding your happiness with yourself.

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.--Marcus Tullius Cicero

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

Leaving everything else out, the drinking problem would have ended it for me. I hate to say it, but she left out the most important thing for 90% of this OP.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

MsLomo · ‎03-09-2010

I am not clear whether the offensive part for the OP is the BF's "drinking" (habitual intoxication) or whether it is the socializing with others at the bar without the OP -- or both. Hondagirl, you say that he does whatever he wants and that he had a day off and you didn't know about it. Well, shouldn't he do what he wants? And shouldn't you? I keep getting the feeling that you want to do things together, and he has other interests, such as socializing without you. That would hurt my feelings, too, that he knows you want to be with him and do things together on your mutual days off, yet when he has a day off, he does something without you and you didn't even know about it. I won't pretend I know your situation, but if this is what's happening, I'd say he's acting obnoxious so that you'll break up with him. Unless he's a roommate splitting expenses with you and you want the reduced living expenses, I'd ask him to make another arrangement, that you need your space right now.

hondagirl · ‎07-07-2012

Well here is the latest on this topic. BF up and quit his job and says he is done. He did not quit because of me and I have to say I had nothing to do with his decision. He said he had enough of the new companies nonsense and watching every move the guys made with cameras all over the place. He works for a tire company and they call if you sit on a stool for a few minutes and called again to ask what they were talking about. Sounds like invasion of privacy to me. My BF worked for this tire company for many years and did very well taking care of cusomers and selling what the car needed. The new owners took over recently and have a whole new way of dealing with the public and some of ideas are just not the best... Some of the guys in the shop are on their cell phone to much and were told about it - well it continued even if my BF said to stop all this becuase the camera is on them... He was getting tired of babysitting and getting told about it. I am sorry he had to quit now he has insurance he has to get and find another job soon... I told him he would have been better off if they let him go rather than quit. Now he will not get unemployment etc... Not my choice what he did - and this starts another chapter in his life... I will always stick by him but hope he did the right thing... Any suggestions???

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@Hondagirl wrote:
Well here is the latest on this topic. BF up and quit his job and says he is done. He did not quit because of me and I have to say I had nothing to do with his decision. He said he had enough of the new companies nonsense and watching every move the guys made with cameras all over the place. He works for a tire company and they call if you sit on a stool for a few minutes and called again to ask what they were talking about. Sounds like invasion of privacy to me. My BF worked for this tire company for many years and did very well taking care of cusomers and selling what the car needed. The new owners took over recently and have a whole new way of dealing with the public and some of ideas are just not the best... Some of the guys in the shop are on their cell phone to much and were told about it - well it continued even if my BF said to stop all this becuase the camera is on them... He was getting tired of babysitting and getting told about it. I am sorry he had to quit now he has insurance he has to get and find another job soon... I told him he would have been better off if they let him go rather than quit. Now he will not get unemployment etc... Not my choice what he did - and this starts another chapter in his life... I will always stick by him but hope he did the right thing... Any suggestions???

He should have got another job, before he quit. He won't get unemployment.. Sure you have him now, but he has no income. I assume he helps with the bills, since it's your place.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

I don't blame him for quitting the job; but would probably have handled it differently.

For me personally, what he does next, would determine my feelings about continuing the relationship. If he showed me he has a Plan B, and takes immediate action to find another job, and does so, I would be probably stay with him. If he stays in bed, stays parked in front of the TV, frequents the bar more often, and doesn't seem to be actively job searching, then I would not be happy, nor receptive to staying together.

My husband has always been a real go-getter, and made taking care of his family, his number one priority. In 41 years I have never seen him waiver from taking care of me, and our girls---even now that he is coping with physical disabilities. During our working days, there were times when my income took care of us because he was laid off temporarily, or had an injury and no sick benefits, but there was never a time when he just wouldn't work. I would never tolerate a man who won't work.

I think you will get your answer to this dilemma immediately.