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Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎06-27-2010

Re: Is This Where Entitlement Comes From?

[ Edited ]

ECBG wrote:

@dooBdoo, Great discussion.  Thanks for your input.  Definately, "Grandmother" missed her opening and as the adult responsible for that child she should have instructed the child to get in line with her.

 

In relation to the child's age, I believe that positive values should be taught as well as modeled from the earliest opportunity.  The longer negative behavior goes on the more difficult it is to correct. It would seem that entitlement goes hand in hand with treating others the same way we wish to be treated.


 

          Thanks, @ECBG.   I agree clear and consistent ethics and values should be taught and modeled all along.  

           I would respectfully disagree that we know for certain what the grandmother should have said or done.   My mother, as an example, was a painfully shy woman but a principled and loving person toward everyone.   It would've been extremely difficult, if not impossible, for her to publicly correct the child at the moment it happened but if appropriate she would've done so later.   It hurts my heart to think she would have been judged harshly for that one incident with an effusive child.   Also, as I said earlier, we have no way of knowing which children might have other mitigating circumstances (physical, psychological, emotional, etc.).

 

Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit—the parallel powers of your heart and mind—better than how you give feedback.~Maria Popova
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Registered: ‎01-08-2011

Re: Is This Where Entitlement Comes From?


@dooBdoo wrote:

@ECBG wrote:

@dooBdoo, Great discussion.  Thanks for your input.  Definately, "Grandmother" missed her opening and as the adult responsible for that child she should have instructed the child to get in line with her.

 

In relation to the child's age, I believe that positive values should be taught as well as modeled from the earliest opportunity.  The longer negative behavior goes on the more difficult it is to correct. It would seem that entitlement goes hand in hand with treating others the same way we wish to be treated.


 

          Thanks, @ECBG.   I agree clear and consistent ethics and values should be taught and modeled all along.  

           I would respectfully disagree that we know for certain what the grandmother should have said or done.   My mother, as an example, was a painfully shy woman but a principled and loving person toward everyone.   It would've been extremely difficult, if not impossible, for her to publicly correct the child at the moment it happened but if appropriate she would've done so later.   It hurts my heart to think she would have been judged harshly for that one incident with an effusive child.   Also, as I said earlier, we have no way of knowing which children might have other mitigating circumstances (physical, psychological, emotional, etc.).

 


@dooBdoo,Thanks again for a good discussion.  I hope you don't think I had harsh feelings toward GM.  It was an inner sigh of disappointment,  sadness, and disbelief.

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Re: Is This Where Entitlement Comes From?





@ECBG wrote:

@Lipstickdiva wrote:

@lulu2 wrote:

When I was a child, I'm willing to bet when there was a line, my friends and I raced to be ahead.  Seriously you've never walked more quickly from a parking lot to get ahead in a restaurant line? How about a line at an amusement park?

 

This was a walk-in line.  I do not think this is where entitlement begins.

 

I was a high school teacher in a wealthy district for over 30 years and saw a lot of entitlement.  I would not have given the incident described a second thought. The child didn't bump into you or knock you out of way.

 

 


This is how I feel.  It was an 8 year old child, not a 28 year old adult. 

 

Now granted I do think the grandmother should have said something if she really ran in front of you and cut you off but again, this is a small child.


@lulu2, This was a discussion on entitlement.


@ECBG

Funny how you would not say a word to the child or grandmother but you felt the need to keep me on topic. I did discuss entitlement.

 

 

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Re: Is This Where Entitlement Comes From?


@dooBdoo wrote:

@ECBG wrote:

@dooBdoo, Great discussion.  Thanks for your input.  Definately, "Grandmother" missed her opening and as the adult responsible for that child she should have instructed the child to get in line with her.

 

In relation to the child's age, I believe that positive values should be taught as well as modeled from the earliest opportunity.  The longer negative behavior goes on the more difficult it is to correct. It would seem that entitlement goes hand in hand with treating others the same way we wish to be treated.


 

          Thanks, @ECBG.   I agree clear and consistent ethics and values should be taught and modeled all along.  

           I would respectfully disagree that we know for certain what the grandmother should have said or done.   My mother, as an example, was a painfully shy woman but a principled and loving person toward everyone.   It would've been extremely difficult, if not impossible, for her to publicly correct the child at the moment it happened but if appropriate she would've done so later.   It hurts my heart to think she would have been judged harshly for that one incident with an effusive child.   Also, as I said earlier, we have no way of knowing which children might have other mitigating circumstances (physical, psychological, emotional, etc.).

 


Hi @dooBdoo

 

I agree the OP should not have said anything to the child, BUT, the grandmother asked the OP if she minded.  The OP then had the chance to say something like, "Actually, I am in a hurry and would like to go first, thank you for checking."

 

That would be better imo than coming here to start yet another anti-child/entitlement complaint.

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Re: Is This Where Entitlement Comes From?


@ECBG wrote:

Having a friend who is a psychiatrist, and my history being a teacher, we have had a full discussion on entitlement and I believe I know where some has come from, which, of course is debatable.

 

What would you have done OTHER than stepped back?:  Today I went to my allergy doctor's walk in clinic for the allergy shot I have pushed up to the time limit. 

As I approached from one side, an 8 yr old little girl approached with her grandmother from the opposite side.  The girl ran to get in front of me and ran to get into line in front of me. (I was just waiting to see how this young ladie's rudeness of running in front of me would be handled.)  When the girl was about to go up to the receptionist, the grandmother said to me

"Would you mind if I go up there with my granddaughter?"!!!  I couldn't believe it!  I would have called the child to me and said "We don't run ahead of people.  Stand with me please.".

 

Eight years old is not a baby.  As this child is advancing, she will get older and will continue what she is doing-of course.

 

I feel that too often we step back when we should open the door to sensitivity.


@ECBG

 

It's really been quite interesting to read others' perspectives on this topic.   I was out running a couple errands afterwards, going in and out of stores, and other thoughts have since come to mind.

 

First, Grandma was under no obligation to correct the child in your presence, so you could see if it met with your approval.   Some would say it would be rude to embarrass a child in public, and a private conversation held later would have been much more appropriate.  That very well could have happened.

 

Secondly ... are you an elderly woman .... or one that walks with a cane or walker?   If not, where were YOUR manners in not allowing an old woman to go ahead of you?    Shame on you, LOL.

 

As far back as I can remember, when out with my parents, the door was always held for an older person.  If the older person was carrying bags, or with a small child ...... or whatever ......  assistance would be offered, and they would always go first.

 

As for the child who wanted to be first in line .... so what?  The fact that you were overdue for your allergy shot really wasn't her problem, was it?    You're responsible for your own schedule and time management.  

 

How much later did you have to wait for the shot?  Ten minutes?    That short delay didn't cause any suffering on your part, did it?  

 

Perhaps you added other information later in this thread that I missed, but IMO, bottom line, it was you that should have stepped aside and let Grandma go first.  

 

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Re: Is This Where Entitlement Comes From?

@Tinkrbl44,Waiting for the shot is not the point of the post.  It was entitlement.  Thanks for all of your kind conversation, but this post has developed so many outrunners I am having to constantly restate what happened, and I, for one am shelving this.

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Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Is This Where Entitlement Comes From?


@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

@ECBG wrote:

Having a friend who is a psychiatrist, and my history being a teacher, we have had a full discussion on entitlement and I believe I know where some has come from, which, of course is debatable.

 

What would you have done OTHER than stepped back?:  Today I went to my allergy doctor's walk in clinic for the allergy shot I have pushed up to the time limit. 

As I approached from one side, an 8 yr old little girl approached with her grandmother from the opposite side.  The girl ran to get in front of me and ran to get into line in front of me. (I was just waiting to see how this young ladie's rudeness of running in front of me would be handled.)  When the girl was about to go up to the receptionist, the grandmother said to me

"Would you mind if I go up there with my granddaughter?"!!!  I couldn't believe it!  I would have called the child to me and said "We don't run ahead of people.  Stand with me please.".

 

Eight years old is not a baby.  As this child is advancing, she will get older and will continue what she is doing-of course.

 

I feel that too often we step back when we should open the door to sensitivity.


@ECBG

 

It's really been quite interesting to read others' perspectives on this topic.   I was out running a couple errands afterwards, going in and out of stores, and other thoughts have since come to mind.

 

First, Grandma was under no obligation to correct the child in your presence, so you could see if it met with your approval.   Some would say it would be rude to embarrass a child in public, and a private conversation held later would have been much more appropriate.  That very well could have happened.

 

Secondly ... are you an elderly woman .... or one that walks with a cane or walker?   If not, where were YOUR manners in not allowing an old woman to go ahead of you?    Shame on you, LOL.

 

As far back as I can remember, when out with my parents, the door was always held for an older person.  If the older person was carrying bags, or with a small child ...... or whatever ......  assistance would be offered, and they would always go first.

 

As for the child who wanted to be first in line .... so what?  The fact that you were overdue for your allergy shot really wasn't her problem, was it?    You're responsible for your own schedule and time management.  

 

How much later did you have to wait for the shot?  Ten minutes?    That short delay didn't cause any suffering on your part, did it?  

 

Perhaps you added other information later in this thread that I missed, but IMO, bottom line, it was you that should have stepped aside and let Grandma go first.  

 


I agree with so much of this!

 

And, like you, I did have some thoughts come to me after I first started reading and replying here.  I think there have been some very interesting and thought-provoking responses.

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Posts: 17,476
Registered: ‎06-27-2010

Re: Is This Where Entitlement Comes From?

[ Edited ]

Noel7 wrote:

dooBdoo wrote:

ECBG wrote:

@dooBdoo, Great discussion.  Thanks for your input.  Definately, "Grandmother" missed her opening and as the adult responsible for that child she should have instructed the child to get in line with her.

 

In relation to the child's age, I believe that positive values should be taught as well as modeled from the earliest opportunity.  The longer negative behavior goes on the more difficult it is to correct. It would seem that entitlement goes hand in hand with treating others the same way we wish to be treated.


 

          Thanks, @ECBG.   I agree clear and consistent ethics and values should be taught and modeled all along.  

           I would respectfully disagree that we know for certain what the grandmother should have said or done.   My mother, as an example, was a painfully shy woman but a principled and loving person toward everyone.   It would've been extremely difficult, if not impossible, for her to publicly correct the child at the moment it happened but if appropriate she would've done so later.   It hurts my heart to think she would have been judged harshly for that one incident with an effusive child.   Also, as I said earlier, we have no way of knowing which children might have other mitigating circumstances (physical, psychological, emotional, etc.).

 


Hi @dooBdoo

 

I agree the OP should not have said anything to the child, BUT, the grandmother asked the OP if she minded.  The OP then had the chance to say something like, "Actually, I am in a hurry and would like to go first, thank you for checking."

 

That would be better imo than coming here to start yet another anti-child/entitlement complaint.


 

 

          Hi, @Noel7!   I hope you're doing well.  I agree that the OP really should have said something to the grandmother if she wanted to know enough about the situation to analyze and judge it.    There are so many possible scenarios that might have been in play.    By only observing, accepting, and then trying to judge with only partial information, there's just no way to know for sure that this had a thing to do with entitlement or even rudeness.     

          In general I, too, am weary of the frequent assumptions that children (or their guardians) are at fault and such constant fodder for disdain.  (I'm not saying  this is happening in this instance, because In my experience I've found @ECBG to be a thoughtful person.)    I know it can be hard, especially if we're in a hurry or not having a great day, but in my opinion it helps if we try to give people the benefit of the doubt and remember we don't know what's going on in their lives.

         

Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit—the parallel powers of your heart and mind—better than how you give feedback.~Maria Popova
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Re: Is This Where Entitlement Comes From?


@ECBG wrote:

@Tinkrbl44,Waiting for the shot is not the point of the post.  It was entitlement.  Thanks for all of your kind conversation, but this post has developed so many outrunners I am having to constantly restate what happened, and I, for one am shelving this.


I disagree it was entitlement.  It was about a child, and you seem quite unfamiliar with them.

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Re: Is This Where Entitlement Comes From?


@jaxs mom wrote:

Honestly, I'd have ignored. Little girls rushing to get in front of me is not worth me getting annoyed over. 


@jaxs mom,Thanks, but this post wasn't about my being annoyed.  It was a discussion on the possible roots surrounding entitlement.