Among Friends

[nagrom]

I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words and inspiration.   Checked the calendar.   Tomorrow is hubbys cancer check up.....hopefully, it will be good news.  Thinking positive thoughts. 

[Q4u]

Bless your heart... yes it is hard, harder than anything, and especially kiep going. Been there.  Both my parents got seriously sick and died within months of each other. I'm an only child with no relatives in this country.  Looking back I don't know how I did it except to compartmentalize my time.  I would tell myself that for right now in time I'm handling it well and sometimes I went from moment to moment.  Also lost a good friend, early on-set Dementia,  Another friend to Breast Cancer, another to Lung Cancer..... my DH was layed off after 35 years at the same company~!!  We were about five years away from retiring comfortably..... and our oldest son was diagnosed with a serious, life-long illness.... 

Be strong even if you don't feel you are... tell yourself you are strong!!  Take care of you, do some things that take your mind off everything, things you enjoy.  When I'd wake up in the middle of the night not breathing right, I'd turn on the TV and get lost in something funny...  it's all I could do and it helped.....

We (as humans) have so little control over so many things in life ...... Most everything that has happened in my life thus far I've had zero control over.  And I'm a fixer... nearly killed me that I couldn't fix anything.  Having the Faith that everything would turn out the way it's supposed to helped me grieve, and helped me to understand that there is a higher power supporting us all.....  have Faith, all our arms are around you....

[Reba055]

@nagrom  I feel ya. I'm having trouble getting things just right, I deal with back and neck issues. I just feel weird, sick, or both!  It seems sometimes that life is just passing me by. We also are at the age where things are happening with friends and family, though certainly anyone can be affected with negative events and health problems. 

@Q4u Mentioned telling yourself everything is ok even if it's not. That's sound advice that I forget too. I think when we are young we automatically think this way, as most often they are, and we bounce back quickly. But as we age we often start to think something horrible must be going on. I'm going to make an effort right now to reinforce positive thoughts and change my attitude. 

I remember my father recently talked about losing a brother years ago and how some siblings were shocked that he wasn't more devastated. He said, I loved him, will miss him, but he's gone and there's nothing that will change that. You can worry and fret all day long, but it won't bring him back. My dad is a caring, loving, compassionate person that seems to handle things so much better than most. I remember thinking then, that he had a point, and i actually admired his ability to do that.  Hard to do for many of us. 

Also, not to get too religious, but from my own beliefs, I know I should just turn all my cares over to God. 

Hope you start feeling better soon!!

[Kachina624]

I think we all goes through periods where it seems like everything in our lives is spinning out of control.  In one 3 month period in 2003, I lost my mother to West Nile Virus, my three best friends to heart attacks and cancer and my beloved dog died.  You rough period has been unusually severe.

Somehow we find the strength to muddle through it and continue on.  Things do get better.  As I age, I find I'm losing friends left and right but thankfully, I'm okay.  You'll work through it and be okay too.

[RedTop]

@nagrom

I think your true strength comes out when life's challenges start piling on.   For me personally, it has meant establishing my priorities, and not taking on more than I can handle.   

I walked away from my job 4 years ago to take care of my husband who has many serious health issues.   I keep myself healthy and strong, mentally and physically, and focus solely on the needs of my husband, my elderly mother, and my daughters.   I readily say a firm NO to anything that does not fit easily into my new routine.   

I no longer sweat the small stuff.  I do my best to maintain my friendships, be supportive and helpful, and maintain my own life, but do not take on everyone's problems as my own.   I am blessed to have brothers and sisters-in-laws who also help with our mothers needs, so as the only daughter, I do not feel totally responsibility for doing for my mom.  

I get up every morning with the determination to do the very best I can for everyone who needs me that day, and fall into bed every night praying I did enough.   Sending my thoughts, prayers, and best wishes for you, and your husband, with continued strength in the days ahead.   

[hckynut]

@nagrom

Very sorry to hear you are having to deal with so many sad and difficult issues. Wish there were something more I could say that would make things better for you. 

We have had many issues in our family, all together, or one right after the other. I have said on different forums here, that during those times my best friend was my optimism, that things would get better.

Our thoughts are with you,

hckynut(john)

[Mominohio]

I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now.

Please know how you feel is normal, and you need to share with someone. If you have a friend to talk to that might help, but I would suggest seeking a counselor of some kind.

I know many people fight this, don't believe in it, think they are stronger than that. But really, you have had a lot in a short time, and I think it could help.

This fog you are living in will rise again...someday. Until then, try to stay busy, try to get some professional help, try to enjoy the people in your life and the good events that come. 

Try to plan something happy for each day or week or month, even if it seems little. Give yourself something to look forward to. Try to do for others, as that sometimes takes us out of our own 'bad' and puts some things into perspective.

Know you can come here when you feel the need to talk or vent or cry. And though you didn't ask, I will pray you find some peace and comfort, and most of all strength.

[Bird mama]

@nagrom

Oh sweet nagrom, this is probably little comfort to you, I've been where you find yourself right now.  For me it was called 1992 and 2007.  Each of these years of my life were fraught with illness, death and overall bad news.  

I understand what you are saying.  It's like you've been taken under by a big wave.  

It's hard to find your bearings, find your center and frankly get your breathing regulated.

About the only thing you can do right now is take one day at a time. Focus on each day, make sure you take care of yourself.

[PamfromCT]

I am so sorry to hear about all you are going through.

I am sure your head is spinning right now.  It's only normal.  I know it's not easy, but try to take one day at a time.  You need time to work through your losses and figure out what you do have any control over.  I know you do have your DH to support you, and I am sure you have some others.  It could be also helpful to have someone else - be it a pastor or counselor to also help support you.

You do need to take care of yourself and your health.  Try to eat well, and make sure you can get adequate sleep.  It certainly seems you should see your PCP or whoever is helping you try to manage your back pain.  You need relief from this pain.

Like so many others, I have been through a few periods of time when I thought the roof was falling in.  Amazingly, I pulled through.  

You will too.  If you follow any faith and believe in prayers, that will be a source of comfort for you.  Meanwhile, I will be praying for you.

[chrystaltree]

I kinda think skinny people have heart attacks all the time.  But, to get back to real stuff.  You probably should go somewhere and have good cry.  If anyone deserved to cry and needed to cry; it's you.  You have had some staggering loses in such short time.  So cry and then find a grief counsellor because you need help in coping with all of this.  This isn't something you deal with without help.