In Senior Years--moving in with your kids or? - Page 4

Susan in California · ‎06-02-2014

I think if an older person has a sweet, kind attitude, it can work out nicely to have a multigenerational home.

My maternal grandmother lived with us when I was very young, and I have fond memories of her. My dad loved her too.

(But she was not a pushy type, helped my mother in the kitchen, helped with childcare, and then did a lot of sewing in her room.)

But if the older person is opinionated, cranky, in the middle of everyone's business, or drama inducing, then it is a bad idea.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@Susan in California

Or it could be the other way. If the adult child values her privacy and her space and is cranky and opinionated; it will be a very back situation for both women.

CANDLEQUEEN · ‎03-09-2010

My dad passed away almost 6 years ago. He and my mom worked very hard for their home and my mom didn't want to leave it if at all possible. My youngest sister, her husband and their twin sons moved in with my mom. My sister doesn't work, she keeps up the house and cooks and does errands,etc....Her husband works and her sons attend college. They will soon be moving out(her sons).....It is an arrangement that has worked out beautifully, but it wasn't a last minute decision.

My sister and her husband talked about doing this and since they were the only ones still renting, it made perfect sense......My mom has a big house with a finished basement and a big yard, so there was plenty of space, and my sister and her husband actually made a little apartment space in the finished basement for themselves, for privacy...

It has worked out really well for all parties.......But I can see where this could be a problem if it is a quick decision and maybe some personality clashes,etc....

It is something that needs to be thought out and maybe even tried out ahead of time. A lot of elderly people do not want to give up their independence unless it is absolutely necessary. My mom is 86 and still in great shape and is very active still......

Newgate · ‎09-05-2014

I feel some children will offer to have their aging parents move in with them just because they would feel guilty if they didn't.

It can work for some but from what I have observed in most cases it doesn't. We have decided we will never burden our children in that way. We will stay in our home as long as we are able and if we are not able we will go to assisted living!

We purchased Long Term Care insurance several years ago which will help if that becomes necessary!

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

A world with multiple generations sharing a home seems to have, for the most part, become a thing of the past, and not necessarily for the best in all cases.

My great grandparents, during the depression and WW II had their children and grandchildren coming and going from the farm for many years as jobs were lost, and sons went off to war leaving wives and babies to be cared for. I'm sure it wasn't always sunshine and roses, but everyone made it work. Then when my great grandmother was elderly and bed ridden, her kids and grandkids took turns having her stay in their homes for several months at a time, before moving on to the next.

Most families today don't do this. There is just a real loss of coming together and making things work. I suppose in the past there weren't many options for a lot of families, and today there are more safety nets (pensions, social security, welfare/governmental help, and people who have done better financially than those of a few decades ago).

My mom lives next door and I help out with whatever she needs, and if she would get along with my husband, I would take her in in a minute, but she really has expressed strongly that she never wants to live with one of her kids.

I understand the want of independence, and at this point, I'm hoping I don't ever have to live with my kid. But it would certainly be nice to know that your family is there for you should the time come you need them to be there.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@blackhole99 wrote:
I would not be able to stay in my home alone if my husband died first, too much property and up keep for a woman.My son is not interested in the responsibility of our property and likes the freedom apartment living gives him. I would sell my home asap and move into an apartment or buy a condo closer to my son.

I'm in the same boat @blackhole99. Our properties here are just way too much, and I'd never be able to keep up the equipment to keep them up. I would have these places listed on the way home from the funeral, as I know and have really thought out how quickly I would loose control of the work here.

And I'm ok with that. Some people would stay and get more and more in trouble, but I'm really at peace with moving on should the need arise. I think being mentally prepared with the reality of one's situation is essential and saves a lot of heartache and headache later.

dulwich · ‎01-18-2012

DH and I are actually in process of sorting and packing to go back to CA after 3 years of our kids asking us to 'come home' and we are very happy to do so and very lucky they want us to 'come be in the family'.

We have grandchildren - all now working, one in college, plus a beautiful great grandchild - so they cannot fly back and forth to see us as often as they would like plus cost of air fares. We will be relocating, downsing

LurkyLoo · ‎08-01-2013

@Brigitta wrote:
Never! My husband and I are moving to a Continuing Care church afflliated retirement community. We moving into a beautiful villa. As our health demands, we'll move into quarters designed to meet our needs. We already know many people who live there and are excited to arrive. We are both turning 77 this summer, so we thought this was a good time to make the move. We're in good health and will be able to enjoy the social activities that are available.

This is exactly what I decided to do, @Brigitta and couldn't be more content, this side of Heaven. I'm not in a separate villa, because that's more than I need, being alone. I live in the apartment complex that is handicap ready to suit my physical needs (wheelchair dependent). There are many kind neighbors who are better off than I am, who happily assist me with certain tasks. I am better off than some, who I happily assist. Lots of activities, meals are provided for those who want them, or we can cook our own. Transportation shuttle is provided for group shopping trips, etc., and there are also volunteer drivers to get us to our doctor's appointments. Hair stylists and nurse practioners, physical therapists, with massage right on campus, as is a chapel. Group Bible study, dance and exercise classes, arts and crafts- I quilt with a group and we donate them to charities. I work a few hours a week in the gift shop here- that helps me pay for my cable, phone and internet bundle. Still have my nest egg saved in case my RA and CHF demands nursing care here that will cost more. I have my privacy when I want it and plenty of good company when I feel up to socializing.

My only child- adult daughter would have wanted me to live with her and her husband, had she not proceeded me in passing. I would not have wanted that for them, as couples do best with their privacy- and children may have blessedly come. I do know of others, though, who live with their adult married children in their own separate suites. They manage just fine, but it will depend on family dynamics, of course- and the amount of care required. Being a full time caregiver, while also caring for your spouse and children is very demanding/taxing on anyone. Those in these situations have my deepest sympathies and respect. For some there is no other recourse.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@Carmie wrote:
While I don't think it is ideal to move in with family member when you are unable to take care of yourself, many people don't really have a choice.

i took in a family member when she broke her hip and she lived with us for nine months. She wanted to go back home...and she did, but I can tell you that it has been more work for me taking care of her in her own home.

She doesn't drive anymore and I am her taxi. I also do her grocery shopping. She usually runs out of money and I end up buying her groceries.
I have gotten several calls where she fell and she can't get back up. I worry because her mind is not what it used to be. Recently while cooking, she dropped stuffed shells into water to boil instead of covering them with sauce and baking them, Oh, there a whole lot more.

She can't go into assisted living or a nursing home. This requires a ton of money she doesn't have.

I hope I never have to depend on others to take care of me, but the future is uncertain. No one knows what is ahead. Never say never.

Oh @Carmie you are so right. Never say never.

So many people have planned and saved and purchased all kinds of insurances but life has a way of whacking us right up side the head, just when we least expect it.

Even the best laid plans can fail, and I'm constantly amazed at the people who think they have it all covered and are quite smug about it all. I sincerely hope they don't have to be surprised by it all falling apart.

dulwich · ‎01-18-2012

continued computer shut down sorry.

we will be downsizing and living in my daughter and sun-in-law's guest house on their property. My son in law particularly is wanting us there as he feels families should be together and 'make memories' for the great grandchildren.

In U.K. Where I am from this is very common - my Mother lived with us in her later years and my sister in London now lives with her son and family. Several of my friends also now have moved in with relatives too.

My daughter is very happy we will all be together she and I get on very well and for us this is the right move.

Of course we will have ups and downs but we are family and love each other very much at the end of the day who could ask for anything more. We are blessed.