Among Friends

[Susan in California]

@dulwich

It sounds great.  It also speaks well of you both if the extended family are looking forward to having you come and share their lives. How wonderful with so many generations together.

[Elri]

Exuse my French but

   HALE NO!!!

[jeanlake]

@OKPrincess. What you said. Prepare to live alone and hope all goes this way. Don't want to impose on my children / in-laws. 

[fourpaws56]

I love living with my Son and family. I taught my DIL how to cook, clean, budget and the basics being a responcible adult. I recently asked her if she was ready for me to move on, she cried and said NO, we love having you here...

[ccassaday]

Our neighbor just built his brand new home with w mmother in law suite. She had her own 1000sf apartment with private access. She has a nice set up. She is probably in her sixties. Plus she gets to be around her 4 yo grandson. My parents said if it comes to it they will take in moms 85 yo mother. But she is still super independenr and still drives.

[NicksmomESQ]

  I don’t ever want to be a burden to my son.We are very close & I never ever want that to change!! 

  I have an elderly neighbor I help out.I dropped her off some groceries this afternoon & she told me that she will be moving in with her daughter. She doesn’t want to but her kids are pressuring her.They don’t want her to live alone anymore.

  She told me she refused to sell her house.She wants to keep it for at least a year to see how her new living arrangements work out.I told her she was right to hold onto   it!! I’m worried about her.I think she’ll be walking on eggshells at her daughters house so as to not cause any friction.

   This woman has several friends in our development. She goes to dinner & the movies often with them. She goes to the senior club once a week & then to lunch with friends.

   Her daughter lives 2 towns over.Her friends will not be able to pick her up anymore.She will basically be cut off!!

[Daysdee]

@NicksmomESQ    Your neighbor is very smart to keep her house until she sees for at least a year how this works out.  I know of someone who sold house and went to live with kids.  Within a month she knew it was a mistake, but her house had sold right away.  She had also parted with all her furniture, etc. and she isn't in a health situation where she could shop for new things and/or buy another house or live in an apartment.  Very unhappy situation now.  Wishes she would have had someone come in to rent a room or have some type of help part time and kept her home.

[Sweet Caroline 1]

If I had children, I would impose.     I like being alone and quiet.  Would just need a room of my own and a swing outside.  I bet that I would quickly become handy to have around.... 

[Trinity11]

The thought of intruding on my children's life and trying to live with either one of them just would be wrong in my circumstances. If I was ever in the situation where I could not live by myself, I would just move to an assisted living facility. I would never burden my children with my ill health. They have their own lives to lead and my deepest regret would be for them to see me deteriorating. I would prefer them both to remember me as I was...

Thankfully, I have made all the provisions that I will never have to burden them with where Mom needs to live....

[geezerette]

---

@Mominohio wrote:

---

@blackhole99 wrote:

I would not be able to stay in my home alone if my husband died first, too much property and up keep for a woman.My son is not interested in the responsibility of our property and likes the freedom apartment living gives him. I would sell my home asap and move into an apartment or buy a condo closer to my son.

---

I'm in the same boat @blackhole99. Our properties here are just way too much, and I'd never be able to keep up the equipment to keep them up. I would have these places listed on the way home from the funeral, as I know and have really thought out how quickly I would loose control of the work here. 

And I'm ok with that. Some people would stay and get more and more in trouble, but I'm really at peace with moving on should the need arise. I think being mentally prepared with the reality of one's situation is essential and saves a lot of heartache and headache later.

---

@Mominohio

This is the situation I find myself in now.  What was a few short months ago a little piece of private heaven, is now a big lonely spot.  I had always told my husband that I didn’t want to be one of those couples that as they age deny the fact they are getting older and still have a lifestyle that should one pass, the other is stuck.  Well, I’m the one that’s stuck now.  I will be selling and moving into a small place in time.  Right now, I’m still dealing with a million and one details.  

As for moving in with my kids, since I don’t have any, that’s not an option.  I have nieces and nephews out of state, but our family is not one that lives with one another.  My mother was having trouble living alone shortly after my father died.  I took care of her in her own home, but there came a time that she really should not have been by herself.  We offered to have her live with us, but she refused.  She had always said that when the time came she would go to a nursing home.  But when that time came in reality, she didn’t want to leave her own home.  

In my rural area, many people still live with different relatives in separate homes, but right next to each other.  When the times comes that someone needs care, someone is always there to provide it.  Not a bad thing.

A lot depends on the physical and mental health of the elderly people involved.  I wouldn’t want to live with someone right now while I am capable of doing for myself.  (Although living near someone is more attractive at the present.)  However, having experienced recent drastic changes in my life, I can see that if I was ill, living with the right loved one might better than going it alone.