Im feeling so hurt and unable to sleep - Page 5

Fressa · ‎03-20-2012

I've dealt with similiar situations like yours. I can tell you that after a while the method of trying to not think about it, shake it off or just ignore it takes a large toll on you. At some point you have to stop it,. Simple state : your my brother and I love you, however comments like that are hurtful. If I want your opinion or advice then I will ask you for it. I would appreciate it if you kept these types of remarks to yourself. It is time to place your well being and feelings first before any excuse for his behavoir. There are NO excuses for his behavoir. Simply and calmly state your thougs on it and continue on with your gathering,. You will be surprised at the relief you feel in time.

homedecor1 · ‎03-09-2010

@mintedrose

The print is too small in your post & for me it's like one long sentence, therefore, I can only get thru the first few lines.

It seems like in life we need to "walk away" from those who continue to hurt or berate us. I have in the past year walked away from immediate family members and long time friends because being in their company never ends up well😡

Life is better at least for me! These decisions are tough but better in the end🙂

mintedrose · ‎03-04-2017

Thank you to those who have taken the time to help me with some kind words. I truly appreciate it! I see the general theme is to limit contact and find my own happiness and I do know that. The thing is that my sister helps take care of my mom who lives near her so i cannot completely cut them off because my mom is there as well. Also, out of the four siblings that i have, she is the only one im in touch with because she is 'less crazy'. I am one of those voices who always speak of standing up for yourself and cutting people off when it becomes more painful than helpful but this is hard. We already only see each othe twice a year if that. If i cut that off, i wont have any family left. I know its sad right now because my close friends have moved away and we dont stay in touch. I see how happy my husband is with his family and mine is completely strange. It feels lonely!

I must admit, i am sensitive and especially with the loss i still have'nt fully recovered. But, i know that God is watching over me and I know that even the worst experience is there to help us in some way. So, Im gonna be thankful for it and trust that God is there to help me with this and make me better and stronger. For many of you who have said to say something, or stand up for myself, I absolutely have. It usually will start out in a humurous way which then leads to harder jabs later. And yes, i have jabbed back harder at times but thats not who i am. I dont wanna have to be a Big B just because of them. Ive tried to put him in his place in the past but i blame my own family, because they've allowed him to be this way for so long since i was just a kid and now he's become old and bitter and still behaves this way because its a old habit. Its hard to do that to someone older you looked upto or respected. He is a good father but from now on he's gonna be on very thin ice with me. I guess In the end, It is Me who is allowing this, and it is me who will end this.

~No act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted~ Aesop

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

I'm not a fan of cutting yourself of @mintedrose. I think there are LOTS of steps to take first. Try and steal some moments away from him with your sister alone if you can to buffer the other nonsense.

I think you have it just perfect when you said you don't want to get in competition to see who can be the biggest B. Just ignore him (tough I know!) and let it go without a reaction. They usually go away or get the message louder and clearer than you could ever verbalize it.

I wish you peace.

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

I don't think you need to cut contact. I would start with limiting contact.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@Carmie wrote:
@SeaMaiden Thanks for your kind words.

I don't go to family gatherings on my DH's side often. These two gals, one of whom is my DH's sister and the other his brother's wife are thick as thieves.

They talk about one another when the other is not present, I suppose to get me to say something negative. The one married to my BIL is mad about my husband..always trying to get his attention. He can't stand her.

They are both "women who lunch, and drink to excess."

Mostly, I pay them no nevermind. They are not my kind of people.

Once, when one of them said, " you used to be so beautiful" I shot back and said, "yes, I was, and I am so sorry you never were. You missed out on the beauty train"

She was flabbergasted.

goldensrbest · ‎03-10-2010

@homedecor1 wrote:
@mintedrose

The print is too small in your post & for me it's like one long sentence, therefore, I can only get thru the first few lines.

It seems like in life we need to "walk away" from those who continue to hurt or berate us. I have in the past year walked away from immediate family members and long time friends because being in their company never ends up well😡

Life is better at least for me! These decisions are tough but better in the end🙂

You need to to enlarge the print on your device, hers is not too small,you keep complaining about the print.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.

software · ‎06-08-2016

You don't have to change who you are.

And you can't change others.

But you can stand up for yourself.

I think you & he have a history of jabbing each other, you need to change the script.

Don't say things to him that will elicit a negative response.

In other words, don't push his buttons. And don't let him push yours.

Yes easier said than done but it takes practice. The first time may not work but the 2nd might. Blow his mind, leave him speechless!

@mintedrose wrote:
Thank you to those who have taken the time to help me with some kind words. I truly appreciate it! I see the general theme is to limit contact and find my own happiness and I do know that. The thing is that my sister helps take care of my mom who lives near her so i cannot completely cut them off because my mom is there as well. Also, out of the four siblings that i have, she is the only one im in touch with because she is 'less crazy'. I am one of those voices who always speak of standing up for yourself and cutting people off when it becomes more painful than helpful but this is hard. We already only see each othe twice a year if that. If i cut that off, i wont have any family left. I know its sad right now because my close friends have moved away and we dont stay in touch. I see how happy my husband is with his family and mine is completely strange. It feels lonely!

I must admit, i am sensitive and especially with the loss i still have'nt fully recovered. But, i know that God is watching over me and I know that even the worst experience is there to help us in some way. So, Im gonna be thankful for it and trust that God is there to help me with this and make me better and stronger. For many of you who have said to say something, or stand up for myself, I absolutely have. It usually will start out in a humurous way which then leads to harder jabs later. And yes, i have jabbed back harder at times but thats not who i am. I dont wanna have to be a Big B just because of them. Ive tried to put him in his place in the past but i blame my own family, because they've allowed him to be this way for so long since i was just a kid and now he's become old and bitter and still behaves this way because its a old habit. Its hard to do that to someone older you looked upto or respected. He is a good father but from now on he's gonna be on very thin ice with me. I guess In the end, It is Me who is allowing this, and it is me who will end this.

Brisky · ‎12-09-2018

SeaMaiden, Beautiful response!!☺ I'd bet your still beautiful!

MintedRose,I finally had to make a break from my oldest sister because of her husband. He treats me like I am twelve still.
These ladies gave you great advice. Good luck and hang in there.