If you have aging parents see a lawyer

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

If you have aging parents, you should see a lawyer. Prompted by another topic here, I am putting this out.

If you don't know what your rights and legal obligations are, you must see a lawyer long before the time comes. Find out what the financial situation is, how to handle resources, how to establish legal responsibility,

Get financial records, take care of banking needs, transfers of titles, find out about long term care, medicare issues, aid, sources of revenue, all of those issues. You may face being their legal fiduciary with banking and government agencies, be required to send in forms accounting for how all of the social security money they receive is spent, be evaluated periodically by government agencies, do taxes, account to and for all financial issue, medical decisions, etc.

This is a tangled web and do all you can before the fact. It can simply eat up your life.

If your relatives aren't on board, won't talk about it, won't do what is necessary before hand, you can be in a pickle. You need to decide how far you will go or have to go.

chessylady · ‎05-01-2010

My dad passed away in December. I am so glad he had a trust. As the trustee, I was able to manage his money before and after his death. I plan to get my own trust in the new year.

Deb665 · ‎01-07-2012

Please make sure the lawyer is an Elder Law Attorney!

Imaoldhippie · ‎06-10-2015

This is sage advise and it needs to be done in every family. Not only parents but siblings as well. After 19 months after my brothers death his "estate" was finally settled. He was on Medicare/Medicaid and I had to buy out his half of our jointly owned property to pay back the state, other wise I would have been forced to sell our paid for, owned property. If I did not comply or could not, the state would have put it up for sheriffs sale.

BE THE PERSON YOUR DOG THINKS YOU ARE! (unknown)

FranandZoe · ‎03-09-2010

If your parents aren't "on board" there's not much you can do. If they are mentally incapable of making decisions and you are their power of attorney you can get things done; otherwise no way. Still a good idea to talk to an attorney though.

Ainhisg · ‎03-09-2010

I would write @Sooner 's post if I could. As I posted on another thread, even with my Mom's legal situation well in hand with a trust written by a top-notch law firm, there was still tons and tons and tons of paperwork and physical, emotional, and mental work. It was exhausting! Mom saw the need (thank goodness) to get her trust redone and put me as the executor and POA. My sister was in charge of the health care portion of Mom's care. (Which she was little help during the 6 years the trust was in place, but I digress.) We finished up all the paperwork making me in charge of everything THREE months before she fell, broke her pelvis, went through skilled nursing care, and ultimately ended up in assisted living.

There was so much paperwork to be done, that I can't imagine what it would have been like if we hadn't had her estate legally in good shape. When she moved to assisted living, I filed for Veteran's Aid and Attendance monies for her, since Dad was a veteran, and you talk about the biggest headache of my life! They needed so much documentation! I ended up having to call a recorder's office in Louisiana (I live in Missouri) to get a copy of a marriage certificate of my Dad's first marriage! (His first wife died.) There was so much to do, and by this time, Mom (being out of her home) was discombobulated and couldn't think where any of Dad's military paperwork and legal documents were. She had started getting dementia (we had no idea--she was a master of hiding it), and I found their lock box to be totally empty when I went to the bank to try to find paperwork. Because of her trust, her accounts had been changed to reflect that I was the POA, so at least I didn't have road blocks anywhere. Anyway, it was a big headache, and trying to get her bills in my name or sent to my home? I had to jump through so many hoops!!! You would think if someone was wanting to pay a bill for someone, that there would be no problem, but nope!!! POA paperwork had to be sent a gazillion places. Thank goodness I could take it over to the attorney's office, and they would fax it for me.

After her assets had been in the trust for 5 years, we were then able to apply for Medicaid. I was so pooped from dealing with all aspects of her care and the estate by that time, that I had the attorney's office apply for us. I STILL had to supple a boatload of documentation and take calls from Medicaid. It was a real pain but was worth the $4500 the attorney's office charged just to not have to go through what I did trying to get Mom her VAA monies.

Anyway, I'm 60, and I've had a trust in place for 13 years. I would never want anyone to have to take care of myself without me making it as easy on them as I can. My husband and I married later in life, so we keep things separate, since we brought different assets to the marriage. Right now, my trust reads that he is in charge of everything and my sister is second in line to do so, but I am getting ready to change that to my nephew being in charge as we have no children. I spoke to my nephew before doing this, and he is willing, able, and ready...thank goodness!

As Sooner said, even if you think you have a modest estate, please make it easier for the people who are going to have to take care of it and possibly of you by consulting an attorney and getting a will/trust in place!

FranandZoe · ‎03-09-2010

@Imaoldhippie wrote:
This is sage advise and it needs to be done in every family. Not only parents but siblings as well. After 19 months after my brothers death his "estate" was finally settled. He was on Medicare/Medicaid and I had to buy out his half of our jointly owned property to pay back the state, other wise I would have been forced to sell our paid for, owned property. If I did not comply or could not, the state would have put it up for sheriffs sale.

For Nursing Home type Medicaid right? There's no requirement to pay back regular Medicaid or Medicare.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

I am an aging parent. My children could contact a lawyer, but what

good would it do them?

I have no POA and my finances are none of their business. Elder parents are not children.

i have my paperwork in order should I become not able bodied, but if I didn't, there is nothing my children or their attorney can do without my permission.

I have been POA twice for elderly friends. One has since passed and the other one is in a nursing facility. I have had to liquidate two households including homes, contents of homes that included hoards of junk....it ain't easy.

Unless someone's parents left legal instructions, will, etc., the government will get involved and if they need to use Medicaid to receive nursing home care, you can be sure
there will be nothing left to worry about.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@FranandZoe wrote:
@Imaoldhippie wrote:
This is sage advise and it needs to be done in every family. Not only parents but siblings as well. After 19 months after my brothers death his "estate" was finally settled. He was on Medicare/Medicaid and I had to buy out his half of our jointly owned property to pay back the state, other wise I would have been forced to sell our paid for, owned property. If I did not comply or could not, the state would have put it up for sheriffs sale.

For Nursing Home type Medicaid right? There's no requirement to pay back regular Medicaid or Medicare.

@FranandZoe That's what I am trying to tell people. You need to understand the issues if you have people you may need to take care of (any age really), own property jointly, etc. etc.

If you have joint accounts, talk at least to your bank. Go sit down and ask these questions face to face, get something in writing to refer to, keep up as laws change.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

Another issue is, you could be accused of taking your parents money too if things aren't legally in order long before the fact. Lots of issues there as well.