Among Friends

[FuzzyFace]

Thanks for all you good advice. It's all taken care of.

[stevieb]

Well for heaven's sake, if you're that concerned about him forgetting then remind him... If, as you say, your first concern is your husband then drop the whole who should and shouldn't have to do the reminding thing and simply ask him not to forget his father on father's day... Sounds like you and your sister might want to do something special for him too...

[Mj12]

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@FuzzyFace wrote:

Thanks for all you good advice. It's all taken care of.

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I was hoping for more of a happy update, to be honest.

[Mominohio]

For me this is always such a grey area. 

My son is no longer at home, but just 21, so I sent him a text this week reminding him (yep he hadn't thought of it). 

By the time your son is a father himself, he shouldn't need to be reminded.

But....we are parents to the grave, regardless of how old our children are, and we do have a place in parenting even adult children. 

I think if he forgets things like this often, I'd have one last heart to heart with him, explain what those days mean to you and your husband, even what your expectations of the various holidays are (and maybe what they are not...like you appreciate being recognized with a card or a visit, but don't expect money to be spent etc.), then tell him you will not discuss or remind him about those things again, because if you have to demand/ask/remind/prod people to remember your special days, it really isn't special.

As an adult, he should be honoring special days in the way he was raised to do so, because of the honor he has for the people. If he has other feelings about it, and doesn't want to follow in the traditions in which he was raised, I guess you have to move on, and perhaps treat his days the same way. Because people mostly should be doing unto others they way they wish to be treated. If he doesn't care to remember holidays and events of others, he probably doesn't want any fuss made for his either. 

As someone who was raised to observe all the various holidays, I find it hard to deal with my husband, who grew up celebrating none of them. We raised our son in full celebration/recognition mode, but he doesn't really make much effort at this stage of his life. I have begun to treat his days they way he treats ours, and just move on. It makes me sad, but not as sad as being disappointed in expecting something that doesn't happen.

[NYC Susan]

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@speedy girl wrote:

Why not contact him and ask if you all could do something  special that day? Celebrate both of the Fathers and make it a day for both of them. 

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That's what I would do, too.  And it's the most I would do.

With all of the hype about Father's Day pretty much everywhere, he certainly must know that Father's Day is this weekend, so he doesn't need to be reminded. 

He's an adult, and can make his own decisions.  Nagging, telling him what he should do, and being judgmental is not an approach I would recommend.  A gentle nudge, in the way that @speedy girl suggested, is all I would do.  Hopefully he'll choose to honor his father, but it should be done because he wants to, and in his own way.

[sandy53]

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@FuzzyFace wrote:

Thanks for all you good advice. It's all taken care of.

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Ok.  Now tell us what happened.

[FuzzyFace]

Nope, not going to get into details but suffice it to say that everyone is happy.

[sandy53]

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@FuzzyFace wrote:

Nope, not going to get into details but suffice it to say that everyone is happy.

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Good to know.  

[dex]

@Mominohio@I agree with most of what you said but I feel differently about not acknowledging your sons special days.He is still young enough to not put the same importance that we have on days that are assigned as special.If you let those days slide with him then over time it will become the norm and there will be very few celebrations.I will just keep on reminding my son and never forgetting his special days to set the example of how important he is to me.I know my son loves me and cares enough to call every day and that is more meaningful to me than a quick call for a special occasion

[sunala]

Sorry I don't have the time now to read all the posts now, so I don't know if this has been addressed.

Your son has a wife. Does she have a father? If so, that may be where the problem lies. They may be going to spend fathers day with HER father. It's really difficult sometimes when there are two (or more) fathers and the day has to be divided to make everyone happy. If your son is like many husbands, he usually goes along with whatever his wife wants to keep the peace. Of course we all know how wrong that is, but it happens.

I don't think it's a bad idea to casually ask your son what his plans are for Father's Day and if those plans include spending some time with his father.

I hope everything works out for you!