I have "lost" the best friend I will ever have

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

I'll try to summarize here. A woman whom I met when we were both teaching at the same school became like a soul sister to me. I'd never been quite so in sync with anyone. I truly love her.

After we eventually stopped teaching, we still connected often, mostly by phone because of the miles between us. We would laugh hysterically at the same things and cry over each other's problems. I trusted her completely and vice versa.

About five years ago, I started dreading our calls. My "sister" would go on and on about perceived slights within her family. It became hard for me to want to call her. At some point, I started even to have difficulty keeping up with what she was saying. She just wasn't herself.

Then I noticed that she stopped calling. But the big deal was her not sending birthday cards anymore. That was a strong signal for me, but of what, I didn't know. I racked by brain over any possiblity that I had said or done something to upset her. But I know that I had not. And even if I had, my old friend would never have let us drift apart.

Fast forward to yesterday: I was chatting with my daughter and told her that it is my friend's birthday. Over these five previous years, I had left messages but to no avail. But on this 75th birthday, I once again thought maybe I should try again. My daughter encouraged me to do so.

I ended up calling her husband's cell, and he answered. He knows who I am. I asked if I could talk to my friend. He passed the phone to her. And that's when it all went to h ell. I couldn't even recognize her voice, let alone her words. So after telling her that I love her, I asked repeatedly to let me speak again with her husband.

About five years ago, she was diagnosed with Pick Dementia, which is similar but not the same as Alzheimer's. It is absolutely devastating. Apparently, she has some ability to understand but cannot reply in any way that can be understood. He is her 24/7 caretaker now.

He said that she did recognize who I was, and I'm so grateful for that.

I am heartbroken.

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

ThinkingOutLoud · ‎05-01-2020

I'm sorry.

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

@suzyQ3 wrote:
I'll try to summarize here. A women whom I met when we were both teaching at the same school became like a soul sister to me. I'd never been quite so in sync with anyone. I truly love her.

After we eventually stopped teaching, we still connected often, mostly by phone because of the miles between us. We would laugh hysterically at the same things and cry over each other's problems. I trusted her completely and vice versa.

About five years ago, I started dreading our calls. My "sister" would go on and on about perceived slights within her family. It became hard for me to want to call her. At some point, I started even to have difficulty keeping up with what she was saying. She just wasn't herself.

Then I noticed that she stopped calling. But the big deal was her not sending birthday cards anymore. That was a strong signal for me, but of what, I didn't know. I racked by brain over any possiblity that I had said or done something to upset her. But I know that I had not. And even if I had, my old friend would never have let us drift apart.

Fast forward to yesterday: I was chatting with my daughter and told her that it is my friend's birthday. Over these five previous years, I had left messages but to no avail. But on this 75th birthday, I once again thought maybe I should try again. My daughter encouraged me to do so.

I ended up calling her husband's cell, and he answered. He knows who I am. I asked if I could talk to my friend. He passed the phone to her. And that's when it all went to h ell. I couldn't even recognize her voice, let alone her words. So after telling her that I love her, I asked repeatedly to let me speak again with her husband.

About five years ago, she was diagnosed with Pick Dementia, which is similar but not the same as Alzheimer's It is absolutely devastating. Apparently, she has some ability to understand but cannot reply in any way that can be understood. He is her 24/7 caretaker now.

He said that she did recognize who I was, and I'm so grateful for that.

I am heartbroken.

oh my gosh @suzyQ3 , I am so sorry. I can't even imagine how I would feel if it were either of my 2 best friends. I feel horrible that your friend is suffering with this and I am sorry for the loss of the friendship you knew with her. How incredibly sad.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

Kitlynn · ‎03-09-2010

Having dealt with this with two very close family members I understand how hard it is. The only thing I can say is that the best thing you can do is remember the good things and be thankful that you had a great friend like her in your life for the time you did. I would also suggest that you continue to send her cards and yes even little things. She will know they are from you even if she can't express it and her husband will be grateful that you are continuing to show that you care about your friend. I am sorry for the loss you are feeling and the hardness of accepting what has happened to her.

MM13 · ‎07-22-2019

Oh that is so sad...I'm so sorry.

Try to remember who she was - just like you described her to us - and hold on tight to those memories. It's no one's fault and at least now you know. I hope her hubby has some support - that must be tough on him, too.

QVCkitty1 · ‎05-23-2015

I'm so sorry. 🌺

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan

NicksmomESQ · ‎08-19-2014

@suzyQ3 I'm so sorry for your pain. I can't help thinking that your friends husband should have reached out to you 5 years ago.If you were like sisters he should have given you a chance to connect with her one last time.Maybe you could have even given him some support along the way.💐

kittykatkay · ‎02-25-2011

@suzyQ3 ....I am so very sorry to read this about your dear friend. I am so glad you talked with her DH and also spoke with your friend, even though she was not quite herself. But rest assure, she holds you dear in her heart and recognizes you no matter what her state of health is. I bet she was smiling and I know you made her day.

Just remember all the good times and maybe call ever once in awhile to speak to her or her DH to see how she is. I know that would mean alot to him. Thank goodness you reached out and now maybe knowing what is going on will make you feel somewhat accepting of it all.

You reached out.....you both connected and that will never be taken away from either of you. ((HUGS))

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depglass · ‎03-10-2010

How very sad this is. I would have suspected this a couple years ago after dealing with the dementia of my mother and a couple friends. Cherish your memories.

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@MM13 wrote:

Oh that is so sad...I'm so sorry.

Try to remember who she was - just like you described her to us - and hold on tight to those memories. It's no one's fault and at least now you know. I hope her hubby has some support - that must be tough on him, too.

Yes, she was incredibly bright and had the wickest, most irreverent sense of humor.

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland