Among Friends

[haddon9]

I see things differently.  I don't see how punishing you as well is "good parenting" ....and I would have mentioned this to your daughter that you're very disappointed.  You have feelings too!

Wasn't there something else that could have been taken away that would mean a lot and leave an impression about consequences that doesn't affect others?

BTW,  I would have been very disappointed too.....not to mention it changes your time and afternoon.

[software]

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@Nataliesgrammawrote:

Granddaughter was supposed to come over to bake cookies yesterday. I got my laundry done early and my dusting and sweeping so we could have a fun afternoon.

My daughter called me an hour before she was going to come over , telling me she "talked back" when she was asked to clean her room.....so she was being punished by not coming over....

I understand that she needed to be punished and my daughter and SIL are good parents, but I feel like I got punished too....LOL

They live close and I do see her often....so I guess baking will have to wait for another time....

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You are right to feel punished, the room can be cleaned anytime but time with grandmother is precious.   Life is short, my motto is never put off time with family over something trivial.    Have a nice chat with your daughter, privately.

If the daughter said "clean your room or you are not going to grandma's"  that's a problem.  You don't hold something like a grandparent over a child's head.

Just my opinion

[QVCkitty1]

I think one of the most important lessons you can learn in life is that actions have consequences. Ihink that your daughter is a great parent and that In a way is a tribute to you.🌹

[judy0330]

I totally agree with the posters who said that your daughter could have found a different punishment.  Ruining the day you had looked forward to was very unfair to you.  Your post reminded me of something that happened when I was probably 10 years old.  I haven't thought about it in forever.  I was supposed to go to the movies with a friend.   She called right before we were supposed to leave and said that she couldn't go because she was being punished.  She had a wind up clock next to her bed that she was supposed to wind every morning -- she forgot -- and her mother was punishing her by not letting her go.  Apparently my punishment as well.  I thought at the time that it was wrong.  Fifty years later -- I feel exactly the same way.  

[Shanus]

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@YorkieonmyPillowwrote:

@Nataliesgramma  I would feel the same way....especially since you got your work done in preparation for the visit.

Maybe you could draw your GD and make a little card to present her with, next time she comes over, telling her you missed her and why she needs to mind her Mommy.....

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@YorkieonmyPillow  As Grandma to 2 little granddaughters, I’d butt out and not mention it. If the GD tells your daughter about any discussion, it may cause ill feelings. You daughter did the right thing...just let it go. 

[GCR18]

I would feel a little hurt.  I wouldn't say anything though.  Taking something away as a consequence is good, but too bad it wasn't something that just impacted her.

[Sooner]

@Nataliesgramma  You said they live close by and you see her often.  I don't think any of this was aimed at you.  If you see her often, what's the big deal?  Be glad your daughter is a good parent. 

Also, if they live close, you shouldn't have to clean the house for a visit.  It's family.  And anyway, kids need to have the punishment close to their actions  to really associate consequences with what they did.  

Be happy, don't feel like a visit takes priority over setting your grandaughter on the right path in life. And don't congratulate her or send a card.  This is between mom and daughter. 

[TheMemphisVette]

her daughter = her discipline.  and i would not comment to her on it.   

however,

tv time - internet time - phone time could have been restricted. a trip to the movies canceled.  something that is purely recreation.   or a chore could have been added,  cleaning out a closet or sweeping out the garage.

time with grandparents is way beyond simple recreation.  one on one bonding is hightly beneficial for character building, respect building, family value building....the list goes on and on.  those times are precious and cannot be gotten back.  nor do we know when they will abruptly not be possible.  using this time as a pawn to punish is just wrong.  

[Citrine1]

I think your daughter should have punished her in some other way.  Why should you have to suffer as well? 

[Yardlie]

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@Citrine1wrote:

I think your daughter should have punished her in some other way.  Why should you have to suffer as well? 

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Every parent handles things the way they think is best, but parents should consider the consequences from all angles.

I think that mother just taught her daughter that it is ok to break commitments at the last minute. She could have said no computer, tv, video games, phones for two days or loss of some other privilege. Her choice of punishment sounds like the kind of punishment my sister used on her kids. If they smarted off, she would tell them that they could not sleep over at their friends' house that night or attend a concert, etc. One of her sons is visiting in town right now. He was supposed to come over for dinner tonight. I spent yesterday cleaning and shopping for ingredients that I normally would not buy and cannot save (like two pints of heavy  cream). He called up this morning and said that he decided to go out with "some guys" he met at a bar last night, so he was cancelling. It's not the first time he has done something like this. He said he would "catch us" later in the week. I was fed up with his past behavior, and just told him right out that I had gone through a lot of work preparing for tonight's dinner, I told him that our plans are not flexible, so if it doesn't work out for tonight, then it will have to be off because I am busy preparing for other company coming for Easter. (I'll be taking the cream back to the store today.)