Re: I feel like I got punished.....

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@Sooner Hmmm ....I think it's all how you look at it. Maybe it would be a good opportunity for grandma to speak with granddaughter about respecting her mother and not being fresh. Sometimes it take a village...

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Shanuswrote:
@YorkieonmyPillowwrote:
@Nataliesgramma I would feel the same way....especially since you got your work done in preparation for the visit.

Maybe you could draw your GD and make a little card to present her with, next time she comes over, telling her you missed her and why she needs to mind her Mommy.....

@YorkieonmyPillow As Grandma to 2 little granddaughters, I’d butt out and not mention it. If the GD tells your daughter about any discussion, it may cause ill feelings. You daughter did the right thing...just let it go.

I agree. Yes, it was disappointing, but the more important lesson for the child is that there are consequences, and the child's mother followed through on that. Good for her! A grandmother's role, in this type of situation, is to step back and let the parents handle it.

The OP said she sees the granddaughter often, and IMO that makes a big difference. Leave the discipline to the parents. It's not as though visits are rare, and the grandmother was deprived of something that was special or unusual. They live close by and they see each other all the time. I see no harm in what the OP's daughter did. As adults, we understand that children need to learn about consequences. Parents and grandparents make sacrifices for the good of the child all the time, and this minor disappointment is surely not something that a grandparent can't handle.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Soonerwrote:
@haddon9wrote:
@qbetzforrealwrote:
She didn't clean her room. She sassed her mother. She received consequences.
..and the consequencs hurt and punished another person that didn't have anything to do with the misdeed.

Another punishment could have worked just as well without making grandma feel like she was punished too.
Grandma is a grown woman. I think she is probably more happy in the long run that her grandaughter learned a valuable lesson. She said they lived close and were together a lot. If grandma is really hurt, then the grandaughter can feel bad that that too to enforce the lesson learned.

I can assure that my parents would have shut me down right then and there if I'd done that. Later on, it never matters as much to a kid.

Edited to change "room" to "run". . .

Yes. It probably was the next thing the granddaughter was going to do and had looked forward to. Depriving her of something else later on would not have the same impact. She ruined her afternoon with Grandma because she talked back. That's on her and she should know that. If she were my daughter, I probably would have said that she couldn't go and that Grandma would be disappointed - and all of that was on her.

Next time hopefully she'll be more motivated to do as she's told rather than be bratty about it. Inappropriate behavior should result in immediate consequences so they are firmly connected in a child's mind.

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

As a mother I would have chosen a different punishment than what your daughter chose. Knowing she had plans with you I would have restricted her in one form or another that did not affect another person, especially since the other person is her grandmother.

As a grandmother I feel the same as you do, I would have been unhappy with my daughter choosing a punishment for her daughter which also affected me. What she did is not fair to you and you have every right to feel that you were also punished. Sorry that happened to you.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

The OP's daughter was thoughtless and inconsiderate of her mother and should be made aware of it. Being a grandmother doesn't mean one should accept disregard from ones daughter.

The OP's daughter is fortunate that her mother looks after her granddaughter, entertains her, provides free babysitting, many grandmothers can't or won't.

Rockycoast · ‎03-02-2016

As you stated, you see your GD often. Missing one afternoon with her won't do any harm. It will teach the GD a lesson. ITA with the mom. She did the right thing. Act on an incident right away. No, "wait til your father gets home" cr-p. I also would Not mention what happened or the punishment to the GD. There is no need to. The mom took care of it. You are the Grandma, not the parent. Stay out of it. Don't make the GD feel bad all over again. Which you will be doing if you mention it. Just enjoy the time with your GD and let this minor incident pass.

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

@Nataliesgramma

Ah, good to hear your daughter is strict on discipline with your granddaughter. If all parents did same I think we would be living in a much better world. Unfortunately in our lives, bad things others do, seem to punish those that have done nothing wrong.

How'd the cookies turn out, or did you decide not to bake them? Happy to see that you see your granddaughter often.

ETA: At ice skating yesterday I had a first. I not only met parents that had brought their kids skating, but their grandparents and great-grandparents were there also. Sunday the rink has a Family Skate where 2 adults and 2 children can skate for $10, which includes ice skates.

Have met a lot of nice people when I skate on Sunday's. A lot more crowed on the ice, but now that my skating is up to par, I am able to avoid hitting the little ones as they dart in and out, and/or fall down right in front of me.

Had a fun and interesting skate yesterday!

hckynut(john)

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Rockycoastwrote:
As you stated, you see your GD often. Missing one afternoon with her won't do any harm. It will teach the GD a lesson. ITA with the mom. She did the right thing. Act on an incident right away. No, "wait til your father gets home" cr-p. I also would Not mention what happened or the punishment to the GD. There is no need to. The mom took care of it. You are the Grandma, not the parent. Stay out of it. Don't make the GD feel bad all over again. Which you will be doing if you mention it. Just enjoy the time with your GD and let this minor incident pass.

I completely agree with all of this.

It should be a minor incident to the grandmother, with the more important aspect being a teaching moment for the child. Misbehaving should result in immediate consequences.

And this type of discipline should remain between parent and child. I agree that the grandmother shouldn't say anything about it. (Unless of the course the child brings it up, in which case the grandmother should say that she was disappointed, while totally backing up the mother. The message needs to be clear that the plans were cancelled because of what the child did, not the mother.)