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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,162
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I would guess there are more dysfunctional families than wholesome, functioning families. It's difficult when you want your family to be your tribe but it doesn't come together like that. It must make you feel lost and a loss. Look into the subject of co-dependency. We all see ourselves at this place with people; sometimes family and sometimes significant people. Knowing about co-dependency helps us adjust our heartstrings. It also hepls us adjust expectations and teaches us how to release what needs to fade away. I'm sorry you're having a sad moment. It's real but it doesn't have to consume you. People here have made tough decisions to find their peace. Good luck to you.  

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,112
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@mintedrose 


@mintedrose wrote:

I apologize already. 

I have a difficult family. I really love them but its hard. There are very few interactions where hurtful things are not said. At times, Ive felt like a punching bag. So, I have stayed away. For those who already have read my older posts may know my heartbreak. 

 

Today I am just feeling sad. I wonder what it feels like to have a normal family and friends. I just wonder what it feels like to be "home"because Ive never felt those things. I am happy when I am away from everyone. I am happy when I dont have to be a part of their drama. 

 

Sorry for the rant, but I was just wondering if anyone of you ever felt like even the closest people to you could never really understand you. How do you become free? 


I know how you feel.   Just a bit of advise.  I had a lot of drama in my family.  Did everything for everyone.  Nothing ever to good or much for Grandkids and great grandkids.  Never got treated with respect or love.  I  finally got smart and quit being around the family dinners.  I would go home crying and when you are in your 70 and 80'S, some , not all families throw you away, no matter how much love you gave or did with and for them.  I decided I would create my own happiness and do things that made me not only happy, but worthwhile and whole.  I did away with the negativity and negative surroundings.  

You need to appreciate life and living.  Do not give or let these people take away your power.  Life and everyday is precious.  We do not know our last day on earth, so stay in the moment and enjoy every minute of every hour.

When you are 84 like me, you may have a big family, but feel very alone when you are with them, so I stopped going to family gatherings, just to sit there like a log. I am someone that keeps up on the times and pop culture and what current events are, the largest fashion,etc. So I hoped converse with them and not be a fuddy duddy. Didn,t matter.

I now enjoy doing things I like without the pressures of pleasing or trying to please everyone.  I enjoy my day with whatever i,m doing.  It,s hard to break away, but you will find yourself. I wish it didn,t take me until I was elderly to discover me.

I no longer call my family to have them tell me they are too busy to visit or call. To have grandkids only call when they want something,  I don,t exist otherwise.

Get over feeling sorry and appreciate each minute, of everyday. Young or old, we don,t know when life is going to end. It,s precious, don't waste it on people that don,t care.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 714
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

As I have been told, "there is no normal family."  No one else really knows how you feel but I can sure relate.  I found there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely.  It is easier to ignore those that effect you this way if at all possible and focus on the people and things you enjoy.  By focusing on things I can control I have found there are more things I enjoy.  Do I ever let the past creep up, yup!  I slap it's nasty head and forge forward.

 

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,878
Registered: ‎07-10-2011

Re: I feel down

[ Edited ]

Wow!! this thread made me a little sad.  My parents had seven

 

children, raised together and got along. I thought everyone did 

 

until years ago I was told by two of my friends that they wished 

 

their families were like mine.  I didn´t understand it.

 

We are all grown now but still get along. We moved from NY to 

 

NJ then one moved to Fl, so we did, then to Georgia. Only 2 

 

stayes in Fl but visit monthly. 

 

I have a question. Did you and your family members get along a

 

as children? This really gets to me and makes me sad. I do 

 

hope that everyone who´s going through this will find something 

 

that makes them happy even though you may not be close to 

 

your family.

 

Best wishes.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,758
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@mintedrose 

 

I read your post title and thought it said "I fell down"...then after reading  the posts I saw the replies. boy, I feel lucky because our family is "dysfunctional" as my kids say BUT I couldn't live without them.   My siblings and I constantly disagree but in the end we work it out!  

 

I may not see them often since I'm in FL but I know in a minute notice they'd be here OR I'd be there for them.

 

One thing I always worried about was my kids because they weren't to close growing up -- lots of problems.  Thank god they have overcome their problems (or gone full circle) they are best buds now!

 

I pray for everyone you find your happiness.  Sometimes in life we have better "friends" who are like our family and that's more satisfying!