Among Friends

[SunSprite]

Hey @mintedrose ,

You mentioned family and friends. Do you also feel this way about the friends in your life? Or is it just your family?

I'm asking because the definition of "family" doesn't have to be a blood relative. You can build your family out of friends. Unless you are facing something similar with your friends.....

[Regal Bee]

---

@mintedrose wrote:

I apologize already. 

I have a difficult family. I really love them but its hard. There are very few interactions where hurtful things are not said. At times, Ive felt like a punching bag. So, I have stayed away. For those who already have read my older posts may know my heartbreak. 

Today I am just feeling sad. I wonder what it feels like to have a normal family and friends. I just wonder what it feels like to be "home"because Ive never felt those things. I am happy when I am away from everyone. I am happy when I dont have to be a part of their drama. 

Sorry for the rant, but I was just wondering if anyone of you ever felt like even the closest people to you could never really understand you. How do you become free? 

@mintedrose   So sorry you are feeling like this and hope it gets better for you.

I did not grow up in a close family situation and I was always the one who was different. I wanted everyone to understand me. They never did and never will....I stopped expecting it. I decided to be me and be free and let the chips fall where they may.

I have a wonderful marriage and many devoted friends and that has been my saving grace. 

---

[suzyQ3]

---

@ID2 wrote:

OP, Be grateful for what you have. ALL of my family is gone now. It's just my brother and me left...that's it. I miss the banter, I miss everything about having a family. Be happy for what you have and appreciate every single minute of it. Before you know it, they can all be taken away from you.

---

@ID2, good for you. But it would behoove you to recognize that not everybody has such a family.

[SXMGirl]

@mintedrose  No need to apologize for your feelings.  Many of us have difficult families or family members, so what I have done is make my home my sanctuary.  Good friends help, outside activities help, but it is really important to take a few moments to realize what you have accomplished and to focus on yourself and your surroundings.  No matter what type of home you have, make it the most important place in your life, where you feel secure.  Do not allow anyone who is difficult into your sanctuary.  Make it a peaceful place and express that, if necessary.  I have no idea what a normal family is like, except for the ones who live in my home.  I am not sure that there really is a normal.  What I do know is that I do not let outside negativity into my home.

[alicedee]

@mintedrose If there are people in your family who put you down...chances are that's how it's always been, and they have always gotten away with it.

If it were me, next time it happens I would have a 1on1 conversation with the person who offended me...not the whole bunch at once!  Make it clear you love them, but will not allow yourself fo be put down anymore going forward.  

If they don't acknowledge it was wrong and apologize, then walk away.  Life is too short to surround yourself with toxic people.

You have nothing to lose in standing up for yourself....maybe 1 or 2 of them will change and you won't have to cut loose the whole bunch.

It has been my experience that abusive people hone in on a person they consider weak or needy.  They are intimidated by strong people who won't put up with their shenanigans....so they don't try to victimize those people, they move on to more vulnerable targets.

I am sorry you are experiencing this....I hope you reach a solution that works for you,

[proudlyfromNJ]

---

@suzyQ3 wrote:

---

@ID2 wrote:

OP, Be grateful for what you have. ALL of my family is gone now. It's just my brother and me left...that's it. I miss the banter, I miss everything about having a family. Be happy for what you have and appreciate every single minute of it. Before you know it, they can all be taken away from you.

---

@ID2, good for you. But it would behoove you to recognize that not everybody has such a family.

---

@suzyQ3  She doesn't care. It's always been all about her for years.

[suzyQ3]

---

@proudlyfromNJ wrote:

---

@suzyQ3 wrote:

---

@ID2 wrote:

OP, Be grateful for what you have. ALL of my family is gone now. It's just my brother and me left...that's it. I miss the banter, I miss everything about having a family. Be happy for what you have and appreciate every single minute of it. Before you know it, they can all be taken away from you.

---

@ID2, good for you. But it would behoove you to recognize that not everybody has such a family.

---

@suzyQ3  She doesn't care. It's always been all about her for years.

---

@proudlyfromNJ, I do know that this poster's policy is not to reply to posts; I posted this for the benefit of others.

I grew up in the 50s and early 60s -- the period that so many view through rose-colored glasses.

We lived in a small but nice house just over the border from Beverly Hills. If you were to have walked by my house back then, you would have thought it contained a happy, normal family. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

And I learned much later what also went on behind the closed doors of so many of my childhood friends.

[SeaMaiden]

@mintedrose  I know how you feel. I wrote my family off years ago. One sister I have not spoke to in 20 years...the other sister 50 years.  I have no desire to see them.  They live 30 minutes away.  It has been so long I never think about them.  No regrets as how do you regret something that you hardly know? 

[Dusty1]

@ID2  Please, don't try to make any of us feel more badly than we already do.

Maybe I misunderstood your post, but the point is that some of us won't miss our family because they are not good people. 

Some of us have been abused in ways by our family & I, for one, do not give a pass to people because they are "family". It has taken a lot of strength for some of us to stand up to people & refuse to be treated like that. It is not easy & I never stop battling with the low self esteem & pain that they have caused & the guilt that I somehow deserved it or caused the bad treatment is never far away.

I am sorry that you miss the family that you had, but I do not miss the family that I had.

[mintedrose]

Thank you for all your responses and kind words. They do really help.

I apologize because I dont like talking about it or remembering it but yet its comforting to let it out. You cannot win with my family. If you are sensitive to others then yes, I think some of them may perceive that as 'weak' or 'too sensitive'. If you've got it all together and can speak up, then you're 'too emotional' or on a 'high horse' and need to be taken down a notch. Ive heard it all. I just cant win. Too many judgements. I have not seen half of them for over 6 years now. Do you think they wonder how Im doing? Doesnt seem like it. Too intoxicated in their own dramas. So, Im glad to stay away. But I have a soft spot for them. Sometimes, I wonder how they really are. Maybe to offer some comfort, some compassion . But, I will not do that anymore. Its turned against me many time. So, Im still staying away.

 Whew!! 

The distance has helped me pull closer to God or a higher power whatever you wanna call it. I think maybe the message is to find compassion in my heart, not only for them but also for myself and for the world as well. Nothing lasts forever. It is what it is. Breathe and move on. Pain from the past need not obsure this moment. Heard these words from this song on my way home and had tears. "In a world full of hate, be a light" 

As for friends, I just moved to a new area. I am not working so its hard to meet people. When I was younger, it was nice to have friends from all walks of life. I really enjoyed that. But I have also changed and grown. So, I wanna start anew. Meet new people, building a new family and putting away my trust issues. I feel like for women in general, its not easy to make friends as you get older.