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Honored Contributor
Posts: 37,651
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: I don't post here a lot, but have in kitchen and recipes but have a what would you do ?

Cookin - if you think the nursing home setting will prevent them from visiting Dad and upsetting him, then by all means, girl, make yourself scarce.

 

When I was a little girl I used to hear how weddings and funerals brought out the worst in people.  It wasn't until I was an adult that I understood it.  I think they should add, illness to that category.

 

Weddings, illness and funerals bring out the worst in people. 

 

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,731
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I don't post here a lot, but have in kitchen and recipes but have a what would you do ?

This is a very hard thing to go through & I am sorry. I never thought my family would turn out the way that it has, but I have learned to be a bit cold about the whole thing.

Family-It is only important as a unit, if it is important to all of you.Otherwise they are just people. I tried for years & years to make family matter to the rest of my family. If those 2 woman have hurt your feelings so much, quit wishing that they would stay with you over the weekend. You can't make them something that YOU want them to be. They may have their own hurts & reasons for leaving you out. Maybe they are real-you would have to do some self introspection & look at things objectively to decide. Maybe they are real to them, but things that you didn't know hurt them or that they were overly sensitive to. If they won't talk to you about why they are doing, what they are doing (Have you tried to talk-not accuse-them?), then you need to take good advice here & make yourself scarce while they are here. Do something that you enjoy & don't feel bad or guilty about it.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,712
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I don't post here a lot, but have in kitchen and recipes but have a what would you do ?

Sadly your story is not uncommon, I could have wrtten it! My youngest sis and I were close...older sister was ALWAYS difficult and I think jealous of my relationship with little sis....guess what!! neither one talks to me..believe it or not I have no idea why...it is just ridiculous. I spent a long weekend crying it out years ago and while I still miss a sister relationship I do not miss the chaos older sister caused and little sis...well I have no idea what her problem is...I have a couple of great girl friends, thank goodness.  Also, the children of older sis barely speak to her...she is just a difficult person and no one wants to deal with her issues.

I would stear clear of the meann girls........

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 107
Registered: ‎07-18-2012

Re: I don't post here a lot, but have in kitchen and recipes but have a what would you do ?

  It's hard to believe as close as you and Edna were that she could be turned against you so easily by Peggy especially since she knows how Peggy always was and apparently still is.

.    If you can't get Edna alone to talk this thru & find out why she has changed toward you  here's a quote that I had to enforce in my life

 

. "There comes a time when you must cut people out of your life, not because you don't care but because they don't." 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,433
Registered: ‎05-22-2014

Re: I don't post here a lot, but have in kitchen and recipes but have a what would you do ?

This is your time to think about you. Some people are just plain toxic, family or not. Take care of yourself. Avoid your sisters. If they should call, just say you already had plans...and can't see them. Short conversation. You cannot reason with people who are negative, nasty, etc. They are only happy when they are unhappy. It hurts to find a place of peace with this situation, but you have to let go of what we all consider "the ideal family."
Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,859
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: I don't post here a lot, but have in kitchen and recipes but have a what would you do ?

My mother has sisters that have been like this her whole life. Some of my mom's best years were when she just walked away from them all (and their petty bickering and side taking) and just went on with her own life.

 

It is painful to have siblings who you don't get along with or who play these kinds of games. Only you know how much you want to take, but for me, it isn't worth it. I'd just make my life around other people, and leave them on the fringe of my life.

Super Contributor
Posts: 309
Registered: ‎04-19-2012

Re: I don't post here a lot, but have in kitchen and recipes but have a what would you do ?

I'm kind of in the same boat.  I would find something else to do the weekend they are in town.  Is this why your sister-in-law made plans to be out of town?  The sister-in-law must know about your sisters' plans - what does she say about the situation?  Yes, I would be hurt - thinking that my sisters do not want to see me while they were in town. 

 

Have you thought to communicate with Edna to find out what happened to change her relationship with you?  Try writing a letter to her letting her know how you feel.  I know how it feels to do all the caregiving with no appreciation from the other siblings.  Just know that God sees and will reward you in the future and if you don't believe in God then think of God as Karma. 

 

Let us know how everything works out - be well.  Do something for YOU during that weekend.

 

Gail

 

~~66 and owned by cats and dogs.~~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,375
Registered: ‎07-29-2014

Re: I don't post here a lot, but have in kitchen and recipes but have a what would you do ?

[ Edited ]

Please realize that sisters aren't always people you grew up with..  

 

Really good friends who love you can be family as well, especially if yours is not emotionally close. 

 

"Smart people learn from everything and everyone, average people only from their own experiences."
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,309
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

Re: I don't post here a lot, but have in kitchen and recipes but have a what would you do ?

[ Edited ]

We have no control over how other people treat us.  We do have control over how we treat them.  Treat them like you want to be treated...if that doesn't work for you, then you have the choice to do what you think is best in each situation you face.  To do this...you must be willing to face the consequences of whatever decision you make and live with it.  Talk to your sister...let her know how you feel and see what she has to say.  That may clear the air and, hopefully, you can get some insight as to how she sees things. Very few problems are solved without some kind of action on our part.