Among Friends

[Abrowneyegirl]

I am appalled at times......

A co-worker of mine is the perfect example of "Give me, give me."

About a year ago she planned a destination wedding in the Caribbean - the wedding was planned for 5 people including the bride and groom ALTHOUGH they invited 280 guests.  They knew their F & F could not afford to attend but they wanted a lot of gifts.

Now she is 6 weeks pregnant and already registered at all the most expensive baby stores and boutiques in the area.  She has a baby shower guest list of around 200 people (to be spread out between 3 showers).

(((sigh)))

[blackhole99]

I just wouldn't buy into it.

[cherry]

I wouldn't be a part of anything  I didn't choose to be. Just keep saying no ,and she will get the message at some point

[BohemianGal]

I've heard this same story countless times over recent years.  This is the mindset of many born into this generation of "entitlement".  I've seen it among family members and friends children, (especially in the 20's-30's age bracket).

One of our family members had a 32 year old daughter marry last year.  She and her "fiance'" both have high income jobs, own a "side business",had 2 new vehicles, owned their own home ( new construciton upscale home) which was completely furnished, etc. This was all BEFORE they were married.

They each had bridal showers, and a "gentlemen's (stag) party, both of which were paid for by their parents/ bridal party.

They had a destination wedding in which they invited their "immedite family" (8 people), then took an extended Carribean vacation for 3 additonal weeks.

Two months later, they had a  modest"reception" (which their parents paid for) and invited 200 people!! They said it was to "celebrate" their marriage.  However, not only did they accept "gifts" but they "requested" "Cash Only", explaining they weren't in need of any household goods.  Talk about being appalled!!! 

I thought this story "took the cake", but from what I've seen and heard, my sense is telling me there will be another poster who will have another to "beat this".

My husband and I did attend this particular "reception" because we are close to the brides mother, who is my first cousin, and we didn't want to "dis-respect" her or cause any "hurt feelings".  

However, we have received several other "similiar" invites in the past few years, and have not attended.

Yes, for the most part, this is the "ME GENERATIION".  Sad, but true.

Peace, 

Bohemian Gal

[NicksmomESQ]

   A lot of young people today plan these huge events for themselves & expect others to pay for them!! I will not allow myself to get sucked in!! If I'm close to the person or couple I will give a gift or chose one from a registry that fits my budget!! If not I will decline the invitation & give nothing!! I had a cousin that I hadn't heard from in years who invited me to his son's wedding.I declined the invitation & sent nothing!! 

  I also will not attend destination weddings.I can't afford them.I would have to give up my vacation for the year to pay for it.I'm not willing to do that!!

  I'm not cheap.Those who know me consider me to be quite generous. I just will not be taken advantage of anymore!!

[just bee]

Do you like this person?  Baby gifts are hard because even when I don't particularly care for the parent, I don't want to punish the child.  The child will be punished enough when it gets to know its parent.

If I didn't like this person and she asked me for yet another gift, I would consider making a donation to one of my favorite, worthy charities in her name.  Perhaps enough for trees and bees to Heifer International.  Maybe enough for books for a literacy organization.  A no-kill shelter?  A food bank?  Salvation Army?

But I do see your point.  Some people just have the gift of taking advantage of a situation.

[Nataliesgramma]

I HAD a friend of over 10 yrs who told me off when I told her that I wasn't going to attend her daughters THIRD marriage wedding reception.....

[Julie928]

I agree with what everyone wrote!  If it were me, I'd be busy on the date & time of the occasion (wink, wink). 

Whatever happened to small affairs with just a few people to celebrate the occasion?  Remember when people would say, 'No presents, please.  Your being there is a good enough present'?  (Or something like that).....

[chickenbutt]

I've always had a problem with any kind of gift solicitation.   It just makes me cringe.   I've had things where I told people to just come and enjoy, don't bring gifts.  Of course, some will anyway.

One time, when we first bought this house, friends encouraged me to to have a housewarming party.  I kind of took a poll and asked a lot of people if I had this party and said 'no gifts' on the invitation, would you bring a gift anyway.  I was distressed that some people would.

Why do some people have to make it about them?   It is disrespectful to the host and it makes the other guests feel bad like maybe they should have brought a gift, too.   I just hate that.  Needless to say, I never had that party.

But some of these stories mentioned here just make me feel icky that there are some who will solicit gifts by having either multiple parties for the same thing, and/or inviting people from all over who they know cannot come but will send a gift.   UGH

[Carmie]

I don't the understand the "punish the child" issue.  If you don't give a gift to an unborn or newly born child, how is this punishing a child?  a baby is not even aware of what's happening.

 I have personally seen mothers-to be-return most of what they received at a baby shower to the store and get cash or a gift card.  They received way too much stuff that they can't possibly ever use.  How mush stuff does a baby really need? 

I too, refuse to go to weddings for a second or third bride/grooms or to baby showers or sprinkles for 2nd and 3rd children.  There are many people out there who really need help and that's is where my money goes.  I don't need to go to save face or to avoid talk about me. I couldn't care less if I tried... and sometimes I don't bite my tongue.  I'll just say what I have to point blank.