Among Friends

[ECBG]

I would think he could think of you once in a while.  I know he has a lot to deal with, but.......

You'll just have to weigh everything out and see where that takes you.

[RedTop]

Again, activated charcoal is the one surefire way for the husband to take care of his internal issue that is causing the external issue.   He needs instruction from his doctor with this oral product.

[1Snickers]

 @RedTop   I remember the activated charcoal pills I got my husband when he had Chemo. They worked!

[Kelseys Mimi]

Lots of good suggestions here. I will consider all and have ordered a couple things already. I thank everyone. I would like to clarify a couple points. I love my DH very much and could never really leave him but I was honest when I said I thought about it. That happens when the smell is just too much at certain times. Like during dinner or as I try to sleep. Which is why I started sleeping in guest room and I miss him at night. Second I am aware of how petty I am about this as he is very sick. Which is why I think I am a terrible person. I have talked to oncologist twice about it and they don’t seem to hear me. To them this is minor. I sometimes feel sorry for myself. This summer I went through the biopsy, surgery and radiation basically on my own cause he is sicker than me and I couldn’t take time for me. This was my second bout with Breast cancer. I am doing a lot now taking care of house taking care of him and his meds and scheduling appointment which I am happy to do it is a small price to have him here but I get overwhelmed at times. Hubby is the love of my life my best friend we laugh we are happy. But the smell gets to me. I am 66 he is 74. Most family lives out of state and we have lost many we have each other. I need him. Thank you for letting me vent to you cause I can’t tell the kids this this is me being selfish

[Leggett28]

You Are not being selfish. You are are just being human. You’re doing the best you can. A lot of people have advice but if they haven’t walked in your shoes then they don’t know what they would do.

[Lindsays Grandma]

@Kelseys Mimi ...Please don't feel you owe anyone here an explanation for your feelings during a difficult time.  You are not a terrible person, you are human with real feelings.  Your feelings are valid, do not let those who appear to want you to feel guilty because of your real feelings.  As one poster said, no one knows what they would do until they walk in your shoes.

Apparently you had no one to help you when you were going for treatment for your breast cancer.  If I missed anyone who commented on your illness, I apologize.  The majority of the posters here slid right over your issue with cancer.  Three of my dearest friends died from breast cancer and I am fully aware of the fight they fought.  You also fought that fight and you have every right to feel as you do regarding your husband's problem, I don't think I could live with that either.  So you made a comment about divorcing him, with what you live with from day to day I can fully understand it.  Just because you said it, felt it, thought about it, does not make you a bad person.

You got some excellent advice here, for which you asked.  The problem with coming here for advice is that you get a lot of unasked for comments which are hurtful.  Your children live too far away to help you, you are dealing with this situation alone, it is not easy, it is very hard.  I think you are a strong woman doing the best you can under very trying circumstances.  Please take care of yourself and between the advice you received here and whatever you can get from doctors or other medical personnel, hopefully the problem your husband has will either disappear entirely or be diminished to the point where living with it is bearable.  God bless you Kelseys Mimi.  

[qualitygal]

I think when someone is ill, as your DH is, this can happen.  Doctor may have some advice, but I'd start checking on electrical appliances that clean/clear the air.  I think they may have some with charcoal filters, which I think  might help.  Check you local medical supply places to see if they have some for rent or sale.  It can be a problem, but I'll bet someone else has been through this too and may have some ideas for you.  Hope so.

@Kelseys Mimi 

p.s.  I went back to read some other's comments and some say the same thing. 

You are not a terrible bad person, it's HUMAN you are looking for.  

[chiclet]

Men can be so inconsiderate....about everything.   My husband thinks if something like that bothers me I am being rediculous.  It is never him that is being inconsiderate.  You probably will not be able to change him.  All these suggustions are great if he cared to spare you of the smell which evidently he does not.   You might have to go stay in a hotel a few days to make a point.  If he does not care how you feel maybe that hotel cost will change his way of thinking.  

[NickNack]

@Kelseys Mimi  I think RedTop's suggestion of asking your husband's doctor for activated charcoal to take orally sounds like the best suggestion you've gotten.  I would definitely follow up on that.  Someone else chimed in and said it definitely works.  If for some reason he/she has never heard of it, ask him to research it.  You could ask his regular doctor if his Oncologist won't prescribe it.  Don't give up.

[qualitygal]

@Kelseys Mimi  Hey, you two are going through one of life's toughest things, there is to endure.  Do not be down on yourself, think whatever you do and know it's normal, a part of the process of the disease, a hardship.  Please be kind to yourself, I'm sure you do love him and you're helping him.  Remember you are human.  Go ahead and support yourself in your thoughts.  I'll be pulling for you both.