Among Friends

[SXMGirl]

Thank you all for your responses.  I have not told him my concerns and at this point will keep my concerns to myself.  I just will make sure that we are in contact at least once a week and hope that if he is unhappy or feels that he has made the wrong choice, that he will share that with his friends.

Of course, I hope that he is happy and continues to be.  That is really the most important thing. 

[GCR18]

The red flag I see is he's kept her a secret for 10 months.  I think I'd talk with him if he were my friend.  You took me by surprise with your announcement.  I'm happy for you, can we get together for coffee.  I don't think I'd hit him with all the concerns.  Perhaps the top one.  Don't put him on the defensive.

My BFF passed from cancer two years ago.  Her husband collected a substantial amount of money upon her death.  He called me a couple months ago.  He met someone and got married in less than a month.  I didn't get the opportunity to talk with him before it happened.  

[SXMGirl]

@GCR18, we had lunch just the other day after he sent me an e-mail with all of this info.  I did tell him how surprised I was as did another friend.  I do think the concern is that he is moving away from everything that he knows (not necessarily a bad thing) and away from people who truly care about him (not that his new friend doesn't care). 

I do understand wanting to make a new start and also how many people would choose not to uproot themselves at this stage of their lives.  They both like to travel, but my real concern was not wanting my friend to even go to the grocery by himself.  Just seems too controlling to me; but sometimes people who have never been married or even in a serious relationship, no matter how educated they are, confuse controlling for love.  I certainly hope that is not the case here and that my imagination, partnered with my love of ID, is in overdrive.

[Katcat1]

Why do these older men insist on these very young wome?  These women are after money and that's it.  It's too bad that he is too blind to see.  You can only make suggestions and that's about it. She sounds very self centered.    

[susan kay]

I think that with friends, you need to follow your "gut" reaction.  Just let him know what your concerns are......then just keep the lines of communication open.  That way, if the relationship with his new love does not work out as he hoped, or if he has problems with his new friend, he will have support.  Aside from that, that's about all you can do. 

[Imadickens]

@SXMGirl Unfortunately, there's not much you can do! From the sound of it, your friend's new room mate has thought of it all! I find the comment about it being "the only way he can retire" interesting! Is she blackmailing him? Has he signed a paper while he was drugged? Maybe you can contact the Department for the Aging in your town or state. Tell them you suspect you friend is not himself and is being taken advantage of. Also, if he's moving to another state there could be federal implications if the person is indeed scamming him. The person may be offering him money to marry him, which of course he will never get! Good luck!

[Imadickens]

@chrystaltree I don't know... I may be too suspicious as well, but when he said " it was the only way" he'd be able to retire...I don't know ANY man in the situation you described that would retire and live off a younger woman!

[chrystaltree]

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@Imadickens wrote:

@chrystaltree I don't know... I may be too suspicious as well, but when he said " it was the only way" he'd be able to retire...I don't know ANY man in the situation you described that would retire and live off a younger woman!

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       Let ot go.  It's none of your business and you only have some vague suspicions.  You don't even know what you are suspicous of...lol   Live your own life and that man live his. 

[Moonchilde]

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@SXMGirl wrote:

Thank you all for your responses.  I have not told him my concerns and at this point will keep my concerns to myself.  I just will make sure that we are in contact at least once a week and hope that if he is unhappy or feels that he has made the wrong choice, that he will share that with his friends.

Of course, I hope that he is happy and continues to be.  That is really the most important thing. 

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You need to keep in mind that new GF/prospective wife is going to get royally pithed off if you or other friends call him weekly to check up on him. She may be from another country but she's probably not stupid. Any woman in that situation, even the most above-board and understanding, would get to be highly annoyed at that - and I think he would too.

[BalletBabe]

@Imadickens  You know you have the best advice.  Especially if this woman is from another country.  I would definitly report it to someone. 

@SXMGirl  Does this guy have a lot of money?  I can see why you are concerned.