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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,249
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Alzheimer's is one of the hardest things to deal with for the families of the people that have it. Your daughter needs to try and just be calm and talk to you before she makes any decisions. I am sorry you are having to deal with this and I hope things settle down soon. The hardest thing to understand with all of it is that it is not personal and the person going through it has no sense of reasoning or understanding about what is dangerous to them or anyone else. Hugs to you and I hope the communication between you and your daughter gets better. She really needs to understand that you are the person dealing with it everyday all day and respect you and your feelings. Yes she has a right to be upset also but really needs to work as a team with you.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,845
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@qualitygal  Thank you!  It means a lot to me.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,702
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

@Vivianyou must be scared to death at this point and your daughter is not making things any easier.I know as my husband ages and is no longer as strong physically, mentally and emotionally as he was even a year ago, scares me. Of course he doesn't have Alzeheimer's, but aging in general is not for sissies. I would tell your daughter that she is causing you more stress than she's helping you and to back off.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,457
Registered: ‎08-28-2010

@Vivian- your daughters feel helpless as to what is happening to their father, your husband and have taken it out on you.  Sorry that happened to you.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,606
Registered: ‎07-16-2017

@haddon9 wrote:

Vivian,  I'm so sorry to hear all that you have to deal with.  Sometimes life is really so unfair! 

 

I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face because of my own husband's chronic illness....the last few days it's been getting to me.  However he's still able to do a lot but dealing with it for over 6 years gets to be a bit much at times.  I don't know anyone else in real life who has to deal with a very ill spouse....this is not how I envisioned things to be in our 60s.  It's also very hard to meet new people when you have a chronically ill spouse..

 

I can only begin to imagine how hard it is for you.  Your daughter has to be a bit more understanding about the stress that you are dealing with.  Yelling at you certainly doesn't help though I'm sure she means well. 

 

I'm sending you a virtuall hug!!...my heart breaks for you!

 

 


I am so sorry for all you have been through also.Retirement and getting older is not what a lot of us had envisioned because of health issues.You can plan for old age regarding financial issues, where to live,etc. but not health issues.Bless you and hugs for you too.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,392
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I think for Men taking away that licence is taking away a chunk of their lives. You had enough to deal with with your sewer mess. One step at a time. Your daughter needs to understand what you are dealing with. 

 

My Dad refused to accept he could  not drive. He had dementia and had to go into assisted living then nursing home. I had the Doctor involved and he would take the confrontation  of no driving from him but not me. I was his caregiver. It sounds like your husband pretty much accepts the situation . You were smart to put in cameras. My Dad was sneaky and forgot and took another residents car for a drive with that resident in the car.

 

Your daughter really was hard on you. It happens and with no one hurt ,count blessings ,all ok and a rare occasion a mistake was made. This is NOT your fault. You cant watch your husband every minute of every day. I hope your Daughter apologizes. I truelly am sorry. Don't forget to also give yourself a hug.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,606
Registered: ‎07-16-2017

@Vivian  Alzheimers is such an awful disease that affects the whole family.It is scary for you and your whole family.Maybe it would help if you and your daughters could attend a support group for Alzheimer's .The Council on Aging in your county would be a place to start.A big HUG for you.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,775
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Take his keys away. That is what my Mom did. You also need a support group. It will be tough so you must make plans for the future. 

One of the things Daddy did was to get on the bus and ride it all day and not know where he was. 

When I lose the TV controller, it's always in some remote destination.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,216
Registered: ‎08-02-2010

I have had experience with immediate family and this horrendous conditon.  You have my hug, but you need more than that....you need a suppot group.  Ask your daughter is she will stay with her father while you go.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 43,242
Registered: ‎01-08-2011

So sorry.  Sending prayers.

 

You may want to think of some family counseling.  It can do wonders.

 

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