Among Friends

[3suwm5]

@Vivian  I am so sorry to hear of your DH's accident.  I would wait for the report.  Thank God no one was hurt.

If your DH feels he needs to see the Dr. about injuries that may not be present at the moment, maybe you will have the accident report at that time and can take it with you to discuss with the Doc.  Maybe the Dr. could report any issues to the DMV and insurance?

A car service, as someone suggested, is an excellent idea.

This happened to my Grandfather.  At the time, I was renting from them, so I drove him around town.  We would stop at his favorite places for coffee, etc., and sit and visit.  It was fun for him and me, wonderful memories.   Maybe this is possible for your DH as well.

The best of luck with this difficult situation.

[ROMARY]

I've said this somewhere:   If/when you are picked up by frends/relatives, don't leave the extra car keys to your car.   Take both sets with you.  Believe me, some people will take those keys and use their spouse's car when the other spouse is away with friends, etc.  Well, enough of that.   ...............In the future, he can always use Uber or a taxi, if he wants to feel independent.   Lots of good luck to all concerned. 

[Mona_L]

Oh Vivian,  Sorry to hear of this ordeal--I know the stress you are under.

My family knew when it "was time" to take the keys--we were afraid next time would be "the one."   If you feel it in your heart, you will know the right thing to do, even if it requires "tough love."   

[Vivian]

I've calmed down since yesterday and got more information on what happened. First, I thank God nobody was hurt. My husband was coming home from an ophthalmology appointment. He stopped at an intersection but when he proceeded, he claims he did not see a car coming. He admits he was totally at fault. My husband got a ticket for failing to yield the right of way.

Both cars needed to be towed away. We saw our insurance agent, had our car towed to the auto body shop we've used for many years, and the car will be good as new. My husband has to decide whether he will just plead guilty and mail in the fine or appear at our town court in a couple of weeks. If he can get a letter from our insurance company that all has been taken care of, my husband may not have as many points put on his license.

In a sense, this is the easy stuff. My children want me to take away the keys to the car. My husband and I recently returned from Québec, where his driving was fine. The question is should one accident result in forbidding him to drive? On the other hand, we don't want to wait for a second, potentially tragic accident to occur. My husband is in total denial and is angry that our children think he should give up driving. It was only a couple of years ago that I finally convinced my mother to stop driving.

[hckynut]

---

@LTT1 wrote:

There are personality changes in (older men?) that defy logic.

No amount of reassuring will overcome their need to continually "prove" themselves.

@LTT1

Ahem! 

hckynut(john)

---

[hckynut]

---

@software wrote:

I hope the wreck was minor and the situation not as bad as you may think.

We all have our off moments.

@software

An off moment?  Driving on public roads, even in parking lots, should never happen. An off second when driving a motor vehicle can ruin lives. 

If 1 reason suffices to a driver for an off moment, there will be a myriads of reasons(to me excuses) when vehicles collide. Most collisions I do not see as an accident.

Harsh? You bet, driving on any public road, is a very dangerous undertaking, and should be always viewed as such.

@software, my intent is not to single you out. I see this as a PSA, how others see it is up to each of them.

hckynut(john)

[LTT1]

@hckynut(John)
Oh! Sorry!

You know I didn't mean YOU!

[RedTop]

@Vivian,

The last thing I'd be concerned about is how many points are taken from your husbands drivers license after an accident where he was at fault!   I would clean up the situation by mailing in the fine, and concentrating more effort on his safety, and pulling his license, period.   

Personally, this accident would've been "the sign" I needed  to make up my mind.   I don't care how much resistance came from my husband, if I sincerely felt it was time, and my children felt it was time, I would come out from under the veil of denial, and take whatever measures are necessary to keep my husband safe.  

I sincerely believe your husband is reaching a point where you have to start looking out for him, and protecting him.   I don't think it's unrealistic to ask yourself what you can live with if the next car accident is more severe with multiple injuries, or death---for your husband, or the other innocent people involved.  Your children expect you to keep their father safe; you are with him every day, and you see the changes in him mentally and physically.   I do not think you can be too cautious at this point.   

[Isobel Archer]

Could the opthamology appt have had anything to do with his not "seeing" the other car?  Did he have drops or something where maybe he should not have been driving?

Do you frequently ride with him driving?  How does he do?

How is the cognitive impairment manifesting?  Is he distracted?  Are his reactions slowed?  Is he aware of what he is doing?  Is he "in and out of it?"

Most importantly, what does his doctor say about all this?

[lulu2]

@Vivian

I'm confused.  You seem to be saying you and your children believe your husband should not be driving. Yet, you allowed him to drive during your trip to Quebec?