Husband's car accident

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

My husband just called me to say he was involved in a car accident. I don't know what happened but his mild cognitive impairment may have been in play. I have worried about this for a long time yet my husband's denial has made control all but impossible. Fortunately nobody was hurt but his car is undriveable. I am beside myself. I don't know if he should be driving. I'll have to speak to his neurolgist. My husband is in total denial. I shall have to take control of this situation.

tiny 2 · ‎03-10-2010

I think I would find out what happened first. Have you noticed any difficulty recently with his driving?

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

First off, I'm glad that nobody was hurt......this time.

You don't know "IF" he should be driving?

I don't give a royal flip what his doctor says about him and driving, the doctor does not live with him 24/7. You do!

Yes, it is dificult to take the keys away, but it is something that you simply MUST do, or the next time he might injure or KILL someone.

Will that be the wake up call that you will need to take his keys away from him?

Yes, your husband will fight it, but for the safety of him and all of the other people out there, let him have his fit, but just TAKE THE KEYS AWAY!!!!!

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Sometimes drivers drive in a 'daze'. Until there are two, three accidents. Then, the family usually 'takes over'. Hide the keys, etc. .......... Best thing to do is to find out what happened from a police report or insurance, etc. Best to find out now then wait until something very bad happens.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

SXMGirl · ‎07-07-2010

@Vivian, the most important thing is that your husband was not hurt. I would first get the police report and find out the circumstances. Accidents happen every day and this could have been something that was unavoidable. In no way would I mention anything about his cognitive abilities. That is a discussion for his doctors. If you are using your real name on this board or any board, I would encourage you to stop posting about your husband.

If you are concerned about his driving and this was his car, then delay getting him another car until you find out exactly what the problem was. Or, do not get him another car and do not let him drive yours.

Living with someone with cognitive impairment is not easy and much relies on you. I wish you the best as you continue to deal with this.

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!

LTT1 · ‎03-09-2010

@Vivian

This is the extremely difficult time.

So, so hard. At this stage of CI, the person requires a rational explanation. Yet it is unlikely that the person will think rationally.

So many consequences happen or could happen.

Proceed as carefully as you feel comfortable in doing.

All of us can be mentally incapacitated in small ways at some times.

Since he has seen a neurologist, I might suggest calling their office and asking one of the nurses there -- if the doctor is unavailable.

I remember a doctor of mine saying that if a family member calls and requests something (such as keys being removed or dl revoked, the doctor would keep confidentiality and work with the concerned family member. I hope you can find a way. (((Hugs)))

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~

Lilysmom · ‎03-09-2010

@Vivian, I understand how hard this is. I lost my sister to early onset Alzheimer's at the age of 59. We had to stop her from driving also. The family doctor helped us with this. It is tough as it will be viewed as a huge loss of independence but safety for all is most important. Good luck. LM

nana59 · ‎05-12-2012

I remember when my husband saw damage on his mother's car--she couldn't explain. He took her keys away. She was upset, but then decided she wasn't going to renew her license. He helped her with hiring a car service that took her to the few places she needed to go.....I will gladly give up my license when the time comes...whether I realize it, or my family does...

Gram W · ‎01-22-2013

For now he has no car to drive. I would talk to his neurologist immediately and get your husband examined asap. Depending on the medical findings his doctor may make that decision for/with him. I am glad your husband was not hurt but hopefully it gave him a scare and a good doubt in his abilities to drive safely. Your husband would not want to hurt any one. Depending on the accident report his insurance company may ask questions as well. I wonder what kind of accounting he gave to the investigating officer. You will know more once he gets home. Good luck. Hopefully there is a quick answer to the why it happened and together you can come to a decision with as little stress as possible for you both.

We had similar problems with 3 (late 80s and 90) family members with cognitive problems. With each we had help from their physicians before they would give up their car keys. Those keys were their connection to independence. At my age 72, I understand the scare of having to someday depend on others. I have discussed this with my family as I hope not to be a problem when my time comes to give up my keys.

bonnielu · ‎03-11-2010

Family doctor should be able to determine what to do and then help.

But please make sure what was the cause of the accident first. It could have been THE OTHER GUY. I know that there are drivers on the road who are "distracted," or not in control of their emotions or on drugs or alcohol. There are also drivers who have to be first and have to be in front of everyone no matter the speed limit. Hear your hubby out. Examine the situation. Just maybe it was not his fault.

Hubby and I drive responsibly and speed limit. We are often literally run off the road by rude, agressive drivers. And our response time is no longer as quick as theirs. That is simply an accident waiting to happen. That is why we are on the lookout for one of those new cars with all the "detection" and "avoidance" on it.