Husband doesn't see he's cognitively impaired - Page 7

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

Aubegirl, I am sorry you are going through this with your husband, who sounds a lot like my husband. He has always been stubborn and loses his temper easily. Once the forgetfulness and the repetition started, I knew we were going into uncharted territory. At first I though my husband was in denial, that he just would not acknowledge the cognitive impairment. However, over time I came to realize it was not denial but rather obliviousness to what's happening.

My husband says everyone becomes forgetful as they age. Yet, even after his neurologist told him that his level of forgetfulness was beyond the norm for people his age, my husband really didn't see it. A good friend's husband has Alzheimer's and she told me her husband never perceived that anything was wrong. I've been trying to make peace with the fact that I cannot talk to my husband about his most serious health crisis...but this is not about me. I have to go with the flow.

Stray · ‎04-20-2013

@noodleann wrote:
@Nicknack wrote:
@noodleann wrote:
I've read this thread and sympathize deeply with those who are losing some intellectual functioning power and those who love and/or live with them.

Cognitive impairment is more a symptom than a dignosis, and I do wonder if the OP's DH has actually been diagnosed and she and he know the cause of the impairment. I'm not asking; that's private.

But if the OP's DH has not gotten an actual diagnosis, I'd respectfully suggest pursuing that, for two reasons. One is that medications are available that can help some people improve their functioning with some diseases and conditions that cause cognitive impairment, but what's recommended in Alzheimer's may be not recommended or even contraindicated in Lewy Body Dementia, for example.

Another reason is that many commonly used medications can cause cognitive impairment. One category, anticholinergic drugs, includes many OTC as well as Rx drugs. The People's Pharmacy has a pretty good list.

Good luck.
@noodleann If you read the original post you would know that the poster's husband has been diagnosed and sees the neurologist twice a year. She also said he's taking medication for this.
I don't think I made myself clear. The OP's post said my husband was diagnosed with "mild cognitive impairment." I'm saying that's more a symptom than a diagnosis, and I'm wondering whether he's being treated for the underlying cause of the cognitive impairment, or whether that's been identified, that is, diagnosed. If not, I'm suggesting that getting a diagnosis would be a good idea.

Because I'm also trying to make the point that if the underlying cause isn't properly identified, the wrong medications can be used. If you read a bit about Lewy Body Dementia, you learn that the meds for AD are not necessarily right for LBD, yet both are characterized by dementia.

Lastly, I'm pointing out that some medications affect cognitive functioning, and that it may be worthwhile checking out not only individual meds the DH is taking (and that means Rx, supplements, OTC, etc.), but also their combinations, to make sure nothing there is impacting him.

I hope that clarifies my original post, @NickNack.

@noodleann- I'm sure the neurologist did appropriate tests. I understand your point as I am a nurse and it's true cognitive impairment is not a diagnosis but since his care is being directed by a neurologist not an internist or GP, causes have been investigated. We just don't know the OP's DH's medical history.

Stray · ‎04-20-2013

@Vivian Florimond wrote:
Once again, I thank everyone on these boards for taking the time to write with words of support and advice. I really needed those lessons this morning. My husband accused me of losing a parking receipt that he thought we needed to use to get out of a local parking garage. I know he didn't give it to me but when I asked him to check his pockets he started cursing me for refusing to acknowledge my mistake. Turns out there was no receipt because they don't charge for downtown parking on Saturdays. I expected no apology but expressed my disdain for his ugly language. He said I was taking his words too seriously, but to me an eff-you is never acceptable. I tried to maintain my cool but it wasn't easy.

@Vivian- I was a caretaker for my mother in law for 10 years. She had dementia re to Parkinson's disease. I am a nurse and understood why but it was just so hard. She was a lovely little Italian lady, never cursed and she became the total opposite. The affected person has anger because it's the loss of control over the simplest of tasks and you being the closest, you will be the recipient of that anger. But, it doesn't mean you don't correct them in a kindly way. I expressed my displeasure when my MIL became hostile and abusive. I know many people diagnosed with Altzheimers on Aracept and they've done well and some never progressed beyond mild cognitive. But, in my mother in laws case, she progressed and had to eventually be placed in a nursing home. The best advice I can give is what someone else said...have plan B ready....look for good quality nursing homes and get on a "wait list". Good ones have wait times. At this point, you want to care for DH at home, everyone does. We had my MIL home with us 5 years. A nursing home was never in our plan but we don't know what is in the future or how the progression will affect you or your DH. You don't have to accept an opening. Your husband is not at the point of respite care or senior day care but explore the options. I hope your DH never progresses and you can deal with everything in your home. You might look into companion care to give yourself a respite. We had a lovely senior volunteer come in and bake/cook with my MIL because she was a fabulous cook and loved it. The Department of Aging in your area will offer a lot....use them...they do shopping, doctor's visits etc....accept help

lastly, don't neglect your own physical and mental health.....so many caretakers neglect themselves while caring for others

good luck to you and DH ....it's so difficult

Deanie · ‎03-09-2010

There is a reason that elder care facilities have staff that works shifts. They do not have staff that operates 24/7. The staff are scheduled 12 hour shifts at maximum so many days a week. These are labor laws overseen by State and Federal guidelines. What loved ones assume when caring for elderly relatives is a tremendous burden that more often than not causes a deterioration in a care givers psychological and physical well being. Research shows that frequently care givers die first. It would behoove those that take on this burden to be aware of the risks and perhaps employ others to provide regular respite. One does no one else any good not being well.

Lilysmom · ‎03-09-2010

@Vivian, it is good of people to give you their advice. I lost my sister to early onset Alzheimer's at the age of 59. I am sending prayers and best wishes as you deal with the issue. Take care, LM